I stand in front of the mirror, my reflection staring back at me. My jet black hair falling past my shoulders and my piercing emerald eyes staring back at me behind my thick lashes.
The sound of my cell phone ringing echoing against the empty walls of the place I use to call home.
It’s not home anymore, It can’t be. My consciousness screams at me as tears cloud my vision. It will never be home again. No, no it won’t.
I turn away from the standing mirror, taking in all the packed boxes- the dust and cobwebs, remembering when it was full of joy, laughter and good memories.
But it’s gone, everything is gone.
I wipe away the tears, taking a deep breath and picking up the last photo I have and walking down the spiral staircase, entering the empty foyer and making my way outside. Look forward, not back. My mind screams as I stop in front of the movers. “Everything is ready, you can bring it to my mother’s place.”
“You all good?” My mother asks, studying my face closely.
I paste on an all-to-fake smile “All good”
She nods, but not believing my obvious lie for a minute but dropping it anyways. How can you ever be okay again? I sigh, climbing into the backseat of the town car.
“Nice to see you again Miss Grant” Our family driver smiles.
“You too Greg” A polite smile crosses my face.
“Why are you moving so far away?” my mother asks.
“I can’t stay in this city anymore.” I admit, not once looking her way.
“But your whole life is here! You can’t just move out of the country.” Her lips form a thin line, signalling she doesn’t like my decision.
“Yes I can.” I sigh. I have too, I can’t stay here with all theses memories everywhere
“No! Don’t you dare” I interrupt her.
She just shakes her head before sighing. “This is no way to live”
No it’s not. I sigh, looking out the window at all the beautiful scenery passing me by. But I just can’t stay here in that hollow house.
“You haven’t talked about it since it happened” She places her hand on mine in an attempt to comfort me.
“Don’t” I grit my teeth, refusing to meet her gaze.
“You need to, to move on darling” She sighs
My eyes dart to hers as anger rises into them. “Stop.”
“No, I’m not letting this go until you talk” She shakes her head, eyes never leaving mine.
I feel the anger bubbling up inside me, barely kept behind my calm facade. “Greg, Pull over”
“No don’t pull over, S-” my mother tries to argue.
“Greg pull the damn car over” I yell causing an unsettling silence to fill the car as greg pulls over.
I push the car door open, staring my mother in the eye. “Don’t bring it up ever again” I calmly say as I slam the car door behind me.
Greg and my mother follow me as I walk down the street, I look over to see her roll the window down.
“Samantha” My mother lets out a long breath. “Get back in the car, let us drive you to the airport.”
“Will you drop it?” I ask
Her eyes filled with concern but she shakes her head letting it go.
“I mean it” I state with a firm voice, signalling the conversation is over- for good before getting back in the car.
It has to get better.
“I just worry about you” My mother smiles sadly.
I smile back with the same energy. “This move will do me good, I’ll be okay again.”
She pulls me into a hug and putting all her love behind it causing my tense shoulders to relax a bit as I return the hug.
“I’ll miss you Samantha” She said as she pulls back and wipes a stray tear away.
“I’ll miss you too, mom.” I grab her hand and squeeze it, trying to comfort her. She has dad, aunt Marie, uncle Jim and Rebecca. She’ll be okay.
“It won’t always hurt this much.” She squeezes my hand back, letting the words fall into silence as I try to hold back the tears.
It won’t always hurt this much. I repeat the words in my head.
It won’t always hurt this much because it can’t. It would destroy me, I’m barely holding on. I’ll be okay again.
I watch the airport come into view as I go over those words again and again.
New York will be a fresh start, something new, something that doesn’t have memories around every corner, somewhere far away.