I’ve done it.
I’ve lost the only good thing to ever happen to me.
I close my eyes as Tye continues, telling me how I need to go and see Ava, make her listen to me. I don’t have the energy to explain that if I go there again today, she will no doubt cut my balls off. I don’t doubt it- I’d never seen her so angry.
“Dude, what the fuck. Can you at least explain to me why you felt the need to smash some nineteen year old girl-”
I shoot him a dark look as he holds his hands up, shaking his head.
“I get it, she is hot-”
“Because I was fucking stupid. Greedy. Ava and I…” I rub my neck as I speak, aware I already sound like a broken record. So far I’ve had my agent on the phone, asking me how exactly I was going to recover from this, my parents; distraught and begging me to fix it; and I’d obviously faced the wrath of Scott, Ava's cousin, and her Aunt. Not to mention her best friend, Tye's girlfriend. “We just hit a plateau.”
“A plateau,” Tye echoes, staring at the screen in front of us in the hotel room I was in for the foreseeable future. “Muller, I was your best man at your wedding. I have never seen a couple more in love, more hot for each other-”
I close my eyes as I try not to think about that; what I’ve lost.
“I’ll give her some time, then I’ll try and explain it to her,” I sigh, as Tye shakes his head.
“You aren’t expecting her to listen are you?”
Tye is irritating me now, and I can’t help but snap at him.
“I’ve got no other choice! I didn’t want her to find out at all- I tried to end it when I realised what I had with Annie wasn’t love. It wasn’t what I had with Ava.”
Had. Past tense.
I feel sick when I remember the look in her eyes, the sadness at what I’ve done to her- to us- to us as a family.
“I think you need to just lie low for a couple of days. Let her come to you.”
Tye stands, checking his phone as I nod glumly.
“I’ve got to go and pick up Sarah. I’ll call you tomorrow. Chin up.”
“Has she said anything?” I ask hopefully, lifting my eyes to his as he shakes his head.
“Nothing you’d want to hear.”
Nothing like having a friend who is a realist.
I nod at him as he leaves, the hotel room suddenly cold and silent aside from the tv. I mute it, leaning back into my chair before picking up my phone. Ava and Poppy grin back at me, and my heart lurches. I took the photo of the two of them only last year, and already Poppy has grown so much.
How was I going to explain this to her?
How am I going to get Ava back?
I know what I’ve done is irreparable; but I have to try.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I just made mine repeatedly for about six months.
I have to admit it- I was flattered by Annies attention. She is hot, without a doubt, but she was so sweet and caring that she had massaged my ego when I needed it the most.
Ava is always too tired, too drained from looking after Poppy to pay me the same sort of attention; I understand that.
But once I’d started it was hard to stop, and by then I was already in too deep. Annie had told me she was in love with me, and began asking when I was going to leave Ava.
That was when I knew it wasn’t real.
Leave Ava? For her?
Nah, not ever going to happen.
I stare at the photo again, my heart aching as I realised the decision wasn’t mine anymore.
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