It was a warm Delaware afternoon in the romantic cabin. However, a chill could be felt inside. Here I stand with the man I fell in love with. In the very same room that just hours ago had held a very different atmosphere. The bed was on my left and the door on my right, but I made no move to run.
How did we get here? How did it turn out that I would be standing with a gun pointed at my head? Just a breath away from death? With a man, I had allowed myself to fantasize about taking aim to kill me? What a fool I was to think he might let me go.
He sneered at me and spat, “Don’t think for a minute your tears are going to save you from what’s about to happen.” He tightened his grip on his gun and raised it so that it was the center of my attention. “Maybe you should try and scream for Parker? Maybe he’ll rescue you.”
I watched his eyes travel slowly over my body and I had to wonder what was he thinking about? Was he remembering the passion we shared? Or was he remembering how he caught me with Parker?
I took a deep breath and crossed my arms in defeat, just waiting. My eyes pleading with him, begging for him to think this through. To remember more than what happened yesterday.
“What? Nothing to say? Can’t really blame you I guess. I can’t think of a single thing that will change my mind and apparently you can’t either.” He lowered the gun just barely to look into my eyes. “I’d like to say I’m sorry for having to do this, but the truth is...I’m not. Once we’re rid of you, we can move on. Not a trace of us left. Not a trace of you left.”
I blinked back new tears. I had been so sure he cared about me too much for this. It hurt to hear how wrong I was. I spoke in a whisper, “I can’t believe I gave you my virginity. You are an asshole.”
I began drawing deep, steady breaths because I was on the verge of hyperventilating. It was really happening. He was going to kill me to save his own hide. I can’t believe I bet on him letting me go. I could try and explain what happened between Parker and I again, but what good would that do if it didn’t do any good the first time. I studied him. His beautiful eyes, that were more a black than brown. His handsome face with his sarcastic smile. His golden skin. Dark black hair, slightly long and pulled back away from his face. His arms were tattooed and perfectly scultpted. He had muscles in places I never knew muscles could be. I tried not to remember the way those muscles felt underneath my fingertips. The way he shuddered at my touch. How completely safe I had thought I was in his arms.
Not feeling so safe anymore. Okay, soldier if killing me would make you happy then what is taking so long?
I searched his eyes for any hint of warmth. There was a coldness in them still, but they were certainly not as empty as before. The chill that was placed in them now was from hurt. From betrayal. My betrayal. I could feel it. I had hurt him. I hadn’t wanted to. If only I could tell him why I did it. Every time I try to he puts that gun in my face.
I spoke gently, “Kilo I-”
He screamed at me “Don’t! Don’t you dare say my name.” I began to tremble and he jumped in my face to glare down his nose at me. He lowered his gun when he spoke next. “You know Derren was going to kill you for me. He didn’t think I could do it. Guess what? I assured him that I can. I wanted Parker to watch. but he just laughed. You weren’t shit to him.”
“I wasn’t shit to you either,” I snapped. “So go ahead and kill me.” Then I swallowed the lump in my throat as his jaw clenched. I whispered pleadingly, “Because I just want to go home.”
I watched his anger falter for the briefest second, and I knew this wasn’t as easy as he was making it out to be. He was searching for a reason to let me live. It didn’t seem like he was going to let me supply him with one. One thing I have learned about him, he doesn’t waste time. So I knew if he truly had no feelings left for me... I would already be dead. In the short time that I’ve known him, I have seen what he is capable of.
His eyes were changing. Taking on a desperate shine that he couldn’t hide. Penny for your thoughts? I blinked back tears and resisted the urge to grab him. To throw my arms around his neck and cry for him. If I did it and he got angry it would be heartbreaking. One thing that I loved the most about him was the way he responded to my touch. So forgive me for not wanting to ruin that misconception.
I choked back a cry as I remembered how he once said that I never had to be afraid of him. I opened my mouth to speak and he perked up just barely, an almost surrender etched in his face. He wanted me to beg him. Well, fuck that. “No goodbye kiss?”
He glared at me and stood back, raising his gun once again.
Kilo’s next words were cold, “Any last words Doll Face?”
How corny would it be if I said, I love you. Ha! Nope, not doing that. “Yeah,” I said quietly. I took a deep breath and he trained the gun on my chest. “I don’t understand why you want to kill me now! I know you didn’t in the beginning! Before I... before we...” I blundered, trailing off.
He seemed to get angry again. He hissed, “Don’t say it, don’t!”
I clutched my hands to my chest and spoke gently. “I don’t know how to get you to listen to me. I don’t know how to convince you that I-”
“Enough!” He screamed again, causing me to whimper. The sound seems to strike him for a second. Almost like he was wounded by my fear.
“Tell Parker thanks for nothing.” My voice was tired and heavy with surrender.
That one statement seemed to trigger something in him. His eyes narrowed and he appeared to be waiting, but that was all I could manage to let out. I shook my head and closed my eyes.
I heard the gun cocking. It nearly gave me a heart attack. The gun wasn’t even cocked? I gasped and my eyes popped back open.
His hand was shaking when he spoke. “You know, I thought I wanted you to see this, but then it’s probably better if you don’t. ” He took a deep breath and spoke in a sad voice, “Keep your eyes closed baby. I won’t be catching you this time.”
My heart was breaking, so I said the only thing left to say. “Bye Kilo.”
Those two words seemed to hit him harder than anything else I have said. He grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me against his body. “Damn it Desire. What the hell did you mean tell Parker thanks for nothing?” He was staring down at me, but I was done talking.
I smiled at him as one tear found itself free of my eyes. “I love-”
He snapped, “Don’t! Don’t you dare!”
I stared up into his gaze hoping what I was going to say could be read in my eyes. Hoping that he could see the truth of my words in them. “If you’re going to kill me then kill me. The longer we stand here together the more it is going to hurt me when you do.”
He hissed at me, his gaze traveling down my neck and up again. “You’re right. I should have killed you six weeks ago.”
Bastard. So I spat, “No, I should have killed you six weeks ago.”
He raised the gun again, and this time there was no hiding the hurt in his eyes. I had to wonder if he was seeing what I was seeing. Every moment I spent with him this last month in a half. Every kiss, every smile. Every time he held me in his arms. The first night we made love. His jaw clenched and his eyes appeared wet. His wrist started shaking.
“Bye Doll Face,” he whispered.
If I tell him why I did it, will he forgive me? Will he even believe me?
I opened my mouth to speak a moment too late. Then, the world was on fire. I fell forward, but not before I saw the look of fear and disbelief in his eyes.
“Goodbye Kilo,” I choked out. “I forgive you.”