I brushed by Derren and headed toward my car in the front. I was glad they couldn’t see my face at that particular moment, because I’m sure I looked sick.
What was wrong with me?
Talking about her that way was twisting a knife in my heart, but I had to make sure Parker and Derren thought I had everything under control. I couldn’t let them see how weak she was making me. If they knew how much I really wanted her around they would kill her. If they think I’m keeping her to save our asses, then they won’t. I’m not going to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do except for stick around. That’s all I want her here for. Me.
When she kissed me on the plane I was done for. I decided to become a selfish son-of-a-bitch and came up with a reason to keep her longer off the top of my head. It was all bullshit. I didn’t need her to do a damn thing other than smile at me.
Sure, I am going to have her seduce Marco, because I’ve already said something and that’s just the way it’s got to be, but I’m not going to let that son-of-a-bitch touch her.
I’cut his hands off if he does.
Same with Parker.
I need to get her out of my system. I need to stop and see Elizaveta. Maybe if I relieve a little of this tension I can control my emotions better.
Maybe then I can see straight. I’ll just stop over and fuck her right quick like I usually do, try not to call her Desire, then be on my merry way.
I turned to look at Parker, who seemed stiff and angry. Even better, maybe if Parker gets laid, he’ll stop being such a bitch. I laughed.
“What the fuck are you laughing about over there Kilo?” he snapped.
I grinned. “Just thinking you and I should stop to see a couple females I know.”
His smile turned brighter than the sun. “Now you’re talking.”
I glanced up at my bedroom window as we got into the car and I flinched.
She was there. Watching me. Could she hear me too? God I hope not. I couldn’t see her face clearly enough, so it made it easier for me to leave.
It wasn’t until we were halfway out of town that I realized I had left me wallet.
“Just who are we going to see Kilo,” Parker asked as I raced away from the cabin.
Oh yeah, Elizaveta.
“Elizaveta,” I said. “She’s and on again off again, whenever I really need a friend, kind of chick.”
Parker leered at me, “For how long?”
“I met her here one summer when I was fifteen. Her dad was one of my uncle’s suppliers. She knows all there is to know about arms dealing. She was cool at first. We mess around every time I come to town.” Then I remembered. “Well, I take it back. The last time I was here we didn’t.”
“Why not?” Parker asked.
I chuckled, “Because she wanted to marry me. She wanted to become exclusive. Have babies and all that shit.”
Parker laughed, “Is she hot?”
I thought about her. She was definitely a hottie, yeah. Nothing like Doll Face though. Elizaveta was your everyday, Wow, that girl is pretty.
Desire... Well Desire is I can’t pass you up so get the fuck in the car and drive me crazy- beautiful. Add to that her innocence, her sparkle, her sinful body, and her compassionate nature? Not even a contest. Not at all.
Parker chuckled, “So are you at least going to grab her some flowers on the way?”
“Fuck,” I said, executing a sharp u-turn in the middle of the road. “I forgot my wallet.”
Double fuck. My wallet is in my room, which means I’m going to have to see Desire again before I leave. She might ask me questions. She's probably scared without me there.
Why did I leave her there again?
He laughed as we turned on the long lonely street that served as my driveway. I owned the land here. About 10 acres of these woods and beyond were mine. I loved it here. I grew up lots of different places, but went to boarding school in the United States. Russia was always my favorite place to go home too. My uncle was born out here and when he retired, this is where he returned to.
Now as we crept up to the cabin, I was hit from all sides by a sense of urgency. I could see Desire’s face more clearly in the window.
As my car screeched to a halt, I jumped out and gazed up at her. Upon seeing me, she looked like she was going to cry, then her face hardened and she looked away.
What the fuck?
What the fuck is going on up there?
Derren! That son-of-a-worthless-bitch!
I wouldn’t have thought he had the balls.
Parker shouted at me, “Are we going or what? Go and get your shit so that we can leave!”
I looked at him and nodded. With one last, lost, look up toward my window I cursed. She was wiping away her tears and taking deep breaths.
I could see her nodding at the corner of my room.
He’s in there with her!
I’ll fucken kill him if he’s touched her.
I raced into the house and up the stairs toward my room. Stopping just before my door to switch the safety off on my piece.