My body hurts, all over. I try to move but Nora holds me down.
"Easy there. You just woke up honey, don't overdo it" she says softly. The accident is still fresh in my mind. My car driving into a tree. I thought that was my last breath. I know for a fact I lost my baby, and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.
I shut my eyes and the video plays in my mind over, over, and over again. My breath hitches in my throat, and I pull my lower lip between my teeth to keep myself from crying. I wonder how many people have seen it. How will I ever show my face again to the public? Everyone will be pointing fingers at me and I don't think I can survive that.
I hear footsteps approaching the bed and I open my eyes to find James and dad in front of me.
"How are you feeling?"dad asks, and I look around for Tay and his brothers. As if dad can read my mind he says, "He is not here. Neither are his brothers, and he is not coming back."he informs. I don't know how I would have reacted if he was here. Donald is his cousin. His cousin destroyed my life and I don't think I can just ignore it and get back with his. Because of his cousin, I had to take sleeping pills to be able to sleep and I might start to take them again because when I close my eyes all I see is that video.
Because of him, I lost a lot of things, my confidence and intimacy. How can I go back to Tay when his cousin ripped my innocence away from me. It made me barren. I lost way too much, and I don't think I can play a happy family when his family destroyed my life.
"But if you want to see him I can tell him to come see you?"Nora's voice has hope in it.
"N..No. I don't want to see him"I don't even recognize my own voice. I know for a fact that I still love him so much, and it scares me. I think I'm out of my mad for still loving him after everything.
"Good "dad says with a smile on his face.
"Um, if you guys don't mind I would like to talk to Olivia in private?"James says for the first time since he got here.
"Okay" Nora grabs her, and she walks out with dad behind.
"How are you feeling?"James asks and seat on my bed.
"Like I have been hit by a truck"I joke but James doesn't laugh.
"Olivia this is serious"
"I know"I sigh and turn my head to the side to look at him. All I want is to forget. And that it wasn't Tay's cousin who raped me and Tay would be by my side right now. I wish I could live with Tay in the world I designed in my mind for us. No problems and definitely no family drama.
"Did you know?"I ask. If he knew that it was Donald and didn't tell me then I don't know what I will do.
"Knew what?" he asks confused.
"That..that it was Donald who did It?"I ask not sure if I want to know the answer.
"No. I didn't "he continues,
"You said you didn't want to report it, so I didn't look at the rape kit results because I knew I wouldn't have been able to keep quiet if I knew." he places his hand on top of mine, and I don't remove my hand. Somehow his hand provides comfort I have been seeking since I woke up.
"I took it to the police," he says softly, and I nod.
I really hope that they don't ask me to come, and testify because I don't think I will be able to do it. I am not ready to face him yet or the world. I am pretty sure my face is all over the front pages of all newspapers and magazines. If only I could change the past I would. I wouldn't go to that party instead stay in my dorm room and read a book.
James breaks me from my drowning thoughts, "I have to tell you something "
"I know I lost the baby."I stare in space and my mind wonders what would have been like to have a family with Tay. Will we ever have a family together? The odds are against us.
"When will I be able to go home?"I change the subject. I don't want to talk about the baby. Some part of my mind thinks it's better things happened this way. I wouldn't have been able to tell Tay the truth anyway.
"Tomorrow. You don't need to be here. I will give you some painkillers for the pain"I nod and release a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. I hate hospital and no matter how hard I keep trying to stay far away from them something pulls me back in.
"Can you also give me some sleeping pills? I think I will have trouble sleeping."I say, and he looks at me for a moment then nod.
"Get some rest" he pats my hand and walks out.
Get some rest, his words keep repeating in my mind like a mantra. If only he knew the things I see when I close my eyes then he wouldn't ask me to get some rest. Will I ever get over what happened to me? Will the nightmares ever stop?
The door opens and Nora enters.
"I'm so happy that you are okay now," she says with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.
"Me too. Are you okay?"I ask not sure if what I'm seeing on her face is right or not.
"y..yes I'm fine." she seats on the plastic chair next to my bed and holds my hand.
"Why are you doing this?"She asks.
"Distancing yourself from Tay. He is still your husband you know?" I yank my hand away.
"You know why. How can you expect me to be with him after what I found out it was his cousin who raped and assaulted me?"I yell without even realizing it.
"That's right. His cousin. It wasn't him who did that to him. You can't blame Tay for his cousin's doing. Tay can only be held accountable for his own mistakes." she defends him and I stare at her in shock.
"Whose side are you on?"I'm yelling now but I don't care.
"I'm on your side Olivia "I scoff and shake my head.
"Doesn't seem like it to me, "I mumble.
"Why don't you talk to him? You can't just leave things like this. "She suggests.
"I'm not ready"
"When will you be ready?" I wish I knew the answer to the question too.
"You guys belong together. Everyone can see that too" she says and I don't if that's is true or not.
"I guess if it's meant to be then it will be" I can only hold hope on that sentence. I don't mean to be so cruel to him, but my heart has been hurt so many times I lost count. Mostly by him. One can only forgive so many times. Sometimes I wish I didn't love him so much then it will be easy to move on. Forget about him but he is like damn heroin, I'm addicted to him in ways a person shouldn't be addicted to heroin.