"There is something I have to tell," Nora says avoiding my face.
"What is it?"I ask.
"It has to do with your mother." she grabs my hand and I don't know what to think of it. I can't handle any more bad news, my heart won't be able to handle it.
"She...she co..." the door opens revealing dad. He walks in holding two cups of coffee.
" I got you coffee," he tells Nora and hands her the cup.
"What were you going to tell me?"I remind Nora and her eyes widen in surprise.
"Um...Nothing. It's nothing" she places her cup to her lips and takes a sip.
I feel like she is hiding something from me, both of them. I don't know who to trust anymore. Everyone around me is either lying or keeping something from me. I'm tired of it. I wish I could pack and leave without looking back or worrying about someone. I wish someone could just me away from this bitter love.
Why love hurts so much? Why does it have to hurt to love someone? All I ever wanted was someone to love and for them to love me back. It's like am paralyzed from all this love, it keeps hitting me ten times harder than the last time and I don't know if I have the energy to keep on fighting. I'm emotionally and physically drained.
I wonder if Donald ever regretted what he did to me. Did he enjoy destroying my life? I wish I had the guts to face him and ask him Why? Why he did that to me? Why did he continue even when I begged him not to?
Dad breaks me from my consuming thoughts by asking,"You are moving in with us right?"
"Yes, but I have to go to Tay's place to pack my clothes first, "I inform dad.
"I can go get them for you?"Nora suggests.
"No, this is something I have to do myself."Nora nods and I release a breath I didn't even know I have been holding. I have no idea what I will do when I say, Tay. What I know is that I can't be with something who is related to the person who destroyed my life, my courage, and made me very shallow for almost five years. No matter how much I love Tay, this is something I will not do. I will fight it if I have to. He helped grow as a person, made me confident again, made me vulnerable, helped sleep with the lights off, and more importantly, showed how it feels to love someone with all your heart sometimes it feels you don't exist or breathe without them. I will forever be grateful for that.
"We have to go, but we will come back tomorrow before you get discharged," Dad says breaking me from my drowning thoughts again, and I nod.
"Try to get some sleep, honey."Nora kisses my forehead and I watch as they walk out. I turn my head to the bay window and it's already dark outside. I didn't even notice it was this late. I sigh and close my eyes to sleep with my worst nightmares resurfacing.
The next morning, I wake up to James in the room.
"Hey, how are you feeling today?" he asks.
"Fine," I say and clear my throat.
"What time is it ?"
"Half-past ten."He informs.
"When am I getting discharged?"
"If you get ready then I guess you can leave anytime," he says and I nod in understanding. I hate hospitals with all of my heart, and unfortunately for me, I visit it more than any other place.
"Can you help me up please?"I request and he nods holding my shoulders. He helps me walk to the bathroom.
"I will get a nurse to help you" he informs and closes the bathroom door. I sigh and try to use my left hand to undo the hospital gown but end up hurting myself. The bathroom door opens and a nurse walks in.
"Let me help you with that," she says and undo the hospital gown. She helps me dress up in black tracksuits.
"Thank you," I say and she nods and walks out. I find Nora and dad waiting for me outside the room talking to James.
"I was just giving your dad instructions about the painkillers and sleeping pills," James says and I just nod. I don't care about anything right now, all that is on my mind to get the hell out of this hospital.
"Well, I guess I will see you at your next appointment?"I nod and Nora hocks her arm with mine to help me walk. It's a little painful when I walk.
We step into the elevator and I hold on to Nora's arm as the lift goes down. Minutes later, we step out and walk to the exit. Flashes snap in my direction and Nora walks us quickly to the car trying to avoid the questions been thrown at me by the journalists.
"Olivia is it true that you will not be testifying against Donald?"
"Is it true you knew all along who raped you and decided to keep quiet?"
"Did the Payne family threaten your family, and is it why you married Tay?"I slide in the back seat with Nora and dad in the driver's seat. He reverses and drives into the busy road.
"Drive to Tay's place please?"I inform dad and we stay silent for the rest of the drive.
Dad pulls into Tay's driveway and Nora helps me climb out. We both walk to the door and knock.
The door opens revealing Nate.
"I just came for my clothes, "I inform, he nods and steps aside.
"Nate, who is It?"A voice that makes me weak in the knees asks. Tay comes to halt when he sees me. He has bags under his eyes and his eyes are red from lack of sleep. He opens his mouth to say something but close it again when he doesn't know what to say to me.
"I just came for my clothes."He nods and Nora helps me up the stairs. My heart is a little bit disappointed that he didn't react to seeing me. I have no idea what I was expecting him to do but this far from it. He didn't even say anything to me.
We enter our room, well now it will be his room only.
"The suitcase is in the closet, "I inform Nora and she walks to the closet. I seat on the bed, trying to familiar comforting scent on me one last time. Seconds later, Nora walks out with a black suitcase and some of my clothes in her hand.
She places the bag on the bed and fills my bag. We spend half an hour of packing.
"This is it, "Nora says and zip up the bag.
"Ready?" she asks and I pull my lower lip between my teeth to calm my breathing.
"Can you please give me a moment?" she nods and walk out.
"Is this the end of us?" a new voice asks and my breath hitches in my throat. Tay stands in front of me and I look up to his eyes. He looks broken and vulnerable. It's takes every fiber in me not to hug him and tell him that everything between us will work out.
"You know this can't work anymore?"I say softly hoping he will understand.
"Why? Why can't it work? I don't see the reason why we can't work?" he voice cracks. Tears are threatening to come out and I can see he is holding back.
"You know why Tay. It just can't be." my own voice betrays me.
"You don't even know what you are saying, Olivia. I thought I could stay away, but I can't. I can't fucking stay away from you because I love you. I love you so much it's hard to breathe when you are far away from me. Please don't do this to me?don't end us?" he pleads and tears fall down my cheeks.
"I can't."I sob and he brings his thumbs to wipe my tears.
"My heart has been hurt so many times Tay. I just can't anymore, I don't want to fight for us this time. I have given you everything, I have nothing to give you any more."I manage to say through my sobs. I clutch on his shirt to try to stop myself from shaking.
"Don't you love me anymore? You used to tell me that you love so much, What happened? Where is all of this coming from Olivia?" his words are a knife in the back. I don't know how he is managing to keep himself from breaking down.
"I never lied to you. I love you."I cup his face and he places his hand on top of my hands.
"Then what's the problem? Why can't we be together?" tears roll down his cheeks and he doesn't bother wiping them off.