In the loving memory of Grace Banks Ferguson,a mother,a friend,a sister, and A wife.
I stare at the gravestone before me. I still couldn't believe we buried her. I couldn't fandom the fact that she killed herself. I don't understand why she would do something like this. Was the pain too much for her? Didn't she want to live anymore? I wish I could talk to dead people then I would ask her why she did it.
My hand grabs ahold of the letter she left for me in my pocket. I take it out and open It, finally finding the courage to read it.
My beautiful daughter,My one and only daughter. This is the first time I have written a letter to anyone,it feels so weird writing all I have been feeling and feel on a piece of paper.
My mind forms an image of her laughing with tears rolling down her cheeks while writing this letter.
You don't know how happy I was when you forgive me. I know I didn't deserve your forgiveness or your visit. I know I was never the mother you have always wanted,and I was never a mother to you and for that, I will forever be sorry. You are an amazing daughter Olivia, any mother would love to have a daughter like you. A daughter who is selfless, loving, smart, always forgives those she loves, and who would do anything for her people. Nora raised a gem and I will be forever grateful to her for raising you when I couldn't even after what I did to her. You will be an amazing mother, my love, I know it. Don't be afraid of motherhood, you will be amazing.
I wipe the tears that managed to roll off my cheeks with the back of my hand. I place the piece of paper to my chest at the thought of the son I never got to have. I wish she was here to tell me all those things she wrote in this piece of paper. I sigh and continue to read.
I remember one day I watched you play mom with your dolls Nora got for you. You were beyond happy that day,you had that sparkle in your eyes and I enjoyed watching you. It's my favorite memory of you. You were talking to those dolls as if they were human which was hilarious and adorable at the same time. You are so beautiful and priceless,and I'm sorry for forcing you to marry Tay. I was blind and all I cared about was money and my reputation. I had no idea that I was destroying your life by trying to live my life through you.
I know you wouldn't understand my doings when you find out why I ended my life,but I couldn't take the pain anymore. Your forgiveness gave me what I needed to finally breathe,to leave. I love you so much even though I never showed you.I don't regret having you. I will always be with you wherever you are.
Quiet sobs escape my mouth and I shut my eyes clenching on the paper. I never thought mom's words would affect me so much. I don't how to feel that she had a memory of me. I seriously didn't think I would wake up to find my mother dead. It shocked me to the core,I can still remember the conversation fresh in my mind.
I was seating on my bed in my father's house reading a book when I heard a knock on the door.
"Hey,can I come in?"Nora asked.
"Yeah." I placed the book on my lap and she sat next to me.
"There is something I have been meaning to tell you,but couldn't find the courage to."She took a deep breath through her tiny nose.
"God!this is so difficult."
"Nora, what's wrong? You are scaring me."I confessed.
"Your mother...Your mother committed suicide, honey."She said and looked at me with tears in her eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again not knowing what to say or do.
"What?!"I managed to ask.
"It's true. And I never got to say goodbye or sort out our difference. I can't believe my last words to her was that 'I don't care if she dies '"
"I knew I would find you here," a voice says breaking me from my thoughts. I turn to find Nora coming my way.
"I needed to visit her one last time," I say and wipe my tears off , and fold the paper.
"Are you sure about your decision?" she asks and tuck my hair behind my ear. She places a kiss on my forehead and I sigh relaxing against her soft lips.
"Yes. I need it. This place doesn't feel like home anymore." She breaks the kiss and I put the paperback in my pocket and take a deep breathe.
"Are you going to tell him,I mean Tay?"I pull my lower lip between my teeth trying to come up with a solution. Seeing him will bring up emotions I have been trying to bury, and I don't trust myself when am near him.
"I don't know,I haven't decided,"I confess.
"You have tell him Olivia. You can't just up and leave without telling him. He is still your husband. "
"How am I supposed to tell him that I'm leaving tomorrow. Not for a vacation but for good?"I snap without even meaning to. Honestly speaking I don't want to see Tay's face when I tell him that I'm leaving. It will break me more than him.
I pull into the courthouse driveway and climb out of the car with Nate. I have been on edge since this morning and couldn't do anything. I just hope Donald pay for what he did to Olivia.
"This feels so weird," Nate says as we walk to the double doors.
"I know."I agree. I didn't go to my father's hearing,none of us did.
We pass policemen and walk into the courtroom. There are rows for people to seat, and Nate and I seat at the last two rows. There are few people present and Donald is in a suit seating alone. Eight members of the jury seated in the front.
"Where is his lawyer?"I ask myself, but don't pay too much attention to it.
"All raise in court, "a voice says and we all stand up. A woman in a black gown enters holding a light yellow folder. She seats down and the policeman tells us to seat down.
Judge Rhodes,It reads on the small board in front of her.
"This court is now in session. Case 3334." She opens the folder and look straight at Donald.
"Where is your lawyer?"she asks,and Donald stands up.
"I will represent myself, your honor. "He informs.
"As you wish. How do you Plead?" She asks.
"Guilty your honor,"Donald replies.