I sigh as the door slam shut behind and I seat on the bed with the duvet still wrapped around my naked body. I knew he wouldn't take the news well. I don't know what the hell I was thinking coming here. I should have just left without saying anything. I grab my clothes from the floor and dress up. I pull my hair tie from the pocket of my hoodie and pull my hair into a messy ponytail. I place my hand on the doorknob and turn to look at the room I used to call mine one last time.
"This is it" I say, take a deep breath and walk out leaving everything behind.
I enter the kitchen to find Tay standing by the kitchen island and a bottle of water in front of him. His head down in defeat and his hands at the edge of the counter.
"Why? Why are you punishing me for something I didn't do?" he turns his head in my direction.
"I'm not punishing you, Tay. This was bound to happen sooner or later. We are a mess."I say and tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"Am more of a mess without you. Please don't leave me." he walks to me and take my hands in his.
"I have decided Tay. I already got an apartment and it's paid. I need to get away from this place."
"What about our marriage?" his voice cracks at the end.
"I don't know. We need to work on ourselves and what we want first."
"But I want you, all the time."He closes the gap between us.
"I want you too, but I need to work on finding myself and I really want Tay. Am only 19 for Godsake when I was thrown into this marriage. I want to do what people my age do, explore, and learn more about myself without having to worry about anything else."I confess. Part of me going is because I really want to be me, act like people my age, a teenager, and not someone else's wife.
"If you want to travel the world then I can take you wherever you want, just don't leave me. I know what happens in this kind of situation." He runs his hand over his face.
"You will leave and then later send divorce papers because you didn't want to serve them to me face to face. We can figure this out together, we can also go to marriage counseling. I just need you to stay with me. Please stay with me?" he pleads, but my mind has already been made up.
"I can't. So much has happened here that I would rather forget, and for me to forget I need a change of environment."
"What about the family we were planning to have? Still, want?"
"What family?when I can't even carry the baby full term." I blurt out and quickly place my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide open. Tays's eyes move to mine, confusion written all over his face.
"What do you mean by that?" he asks. I open my mouth to try to explain but close it again when am unable to come up with an explanation.
"Don't make me call James Olivia" he warns.
"I found out that I have abdominal trauma which prevents me to complete the pregnancy to full term, "I confess.
"When did you find out about this?" he asks calmly which scares the shit out of me.
"The day James was constantly calling and leaving messages, "I explain, trying to calm my breathing. I have no idea what's going in his head right now and his face is not giving anything up.
"Where you ever going to tell me?"
"I don't know."
"I seriously don't know who you are anymore Olivia. What happened to your 'no more secrets'" he quotes my words.
"Maybe you leaving is not such a bad idea anymore. I don't know what to expect with you anymore."
"I didn't mean to keep it from you. I was scared of how you will take it. I wanted to protect you from the pain" I try to reach for his hand, but he takes a step back. I pull my lower lip between my teeth to keep myself from crying. The last thing I want to do is cry right now, I feel like I have done a lot of crying that I lost count.
"You had no right to make that decision for me Olivia. It was mine to make,only mine."He shouts, and I don't even flinch since am used to his mood swings.
"Would you have still wanted me if you knew though?"
"Of course damn it!" he throws his hands in the air.
"I love you. Don't you get that already? I love you more than anything in this world. Yes, I want to have a baby with you. But there are many options we can choose from. There millions of babies out there looking for parents and women who are willing to become surrogates. I would never leave you because of that." he says.
"I don't run like you always do. Am not you Olivia?" he snaps and I glare at him.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Am so tired of this conversation. It keeps going in circles. One minute we are talking about me leaving, then about me withholding information about our baby from him.
"You are running away instead of staying and dealing with our problems, your problem."
"That's not what am doing"
"Really? Because from where am from it looks like you are running. Ever since we found out about Donald, you have never visited in prison to seek closure or attended his hearing."He points out.
"How do you expect to solve your problems when you keep running?" he raises his eyebrow at me.
"I didn't come here to discuss your cousin. I came here to say goodbye because I'm leaving tomorrow. "I walk past him and grab Nora's car keys on the kitchen island.
"Great! I hope you find what you are looking for."He says and shifts so that I can pass.
"Goodbye Tay," I say to him, but he ignores me. I sigh and walk to the door and to Noras car. It is already dark and I check the time.
7 pm. It reads as I reverse out of the driveway and into the empty road.
I drive back to my father's house. Half an hour later, I park in front of the house and hop out of the car. I enter the house to the smell of food.
"Ah!you are just in time. I made oxtail. "Nora beams at me.
"Am not really hungry but thanks."I place a kiss on her cheek and pad the stairs to my room.
I walk into my room, take a Prep pill, and start packing my bags. By the time I finish packing it's 10 pm. I get into my pajamas and get under the duvet. Sleep creeps in as soon as my head hits the fluffy pillow.
The next morning, I wake up to an alarm buzzing. I groan and shut it off. I place my hand over my face. Seconds later, I roll off the bed and walk to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and strip out of my clothes after. I step into the shower and turn it on to warm water. Half an hour later, I step out of the shower and dry my hair. I wrap a towel around my body and walk out of the bathroom. I walk to my wardrobe and grab the clothes I didn't pack. Black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black hoodie, and white tennis shoes.
A knock comes from the door as I finish putting my shoes on.
"Come in," I say and dad walks in.
"I come to help you with the suitcases" he informs. I have two large suitcases only.
"Okay" I stand up and let him pull my bags out of the room.
Nora is standing next to the door when we come downstairs with a sad look on her face.
"I will give you guys a minute," Dad says and walks out of the house wheeling my bags.
"I can't believe you are leaving!"Nora says and pulls me into a hug.
"I will just be two hours away. You can visit anytime."I reason.
"Are you sure about this?" she asks once I break the hug.
"Yes "I sigh and she gives me a small lazy smile.
" Take care of yourself and call every day, Okay?" I nod and hug her one last time.
"Okay, I gotta go"I chuckle and rush to the door as I hear a honk.
"I love you" I shout as I close the door behind me.
I climb in the passenger seat and buckle up. Dad reverses out of the driveway and into the less busy road.
The drive to the airport is silent aside from the playing road. I look out the window, looking at the city I grew up in one last time. Nerves kick in when I see the airport coming closer and closer to my sight.
Dad drives into the airport lot and park next to a entrance. I sigh, undo my seatbelt and hop out. I grab one suitcase and wheel it to the entrance with dad beside me.
"You have your ticket?" dad asks as we wait on the benches and I nod showing him my passport and ticket. My mind wanders to Tay. Is he here? I can't help but look around hoping to see him.
"Are you expecting someone?" dad asks when he sees me looking around.
I clear my throat, "No" he looks at me for a moment and nods.
"Flight 176, flight 176 please report to gate 5," a feminine voice says through the speakers.
"Take care of yourself"dad pulls me into a quick hug and pecks my forehead. I nod and break the hug. I take a deep breath with my bag in both my hands looking at people moving around. Some going to gate 5. I take one last deep breath and take a step forward not looking back.