How I Joined A Secret Satanic Cult

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October 16, 201X

Today did not go the way I thought it would diary,

Everything started out as normal. You know getting dressed, eating breakfast, biking to school in the rain. The usual. Orchestra practice was really fun. The fundraising dinner is on thursday so we were all just going hard for the full ninety minutes. Mr. Lemmons was giving us practice from the moment we got in to the moment we got out, we did get a few breaks in around the middle though. Just to make sure our fingers didn’t cramp.

Amelia had a dentist appointment today. She had just gotten her braces off and they wanted to make sure everything was going well, so I was sitting next to Rebecca. And I know that most people don’t like Rebecca, I’ve literally heard Willis and Steven call her a clown but she’s pretty nice. Today she was going full glam, like usual, two-toned yellow glittery, perfectly blended eyeshadow and perfectly straight and identical black wings with bright pink lipstick. Honestly the sheer perfection of her blush was just eye opening.

“Hey I really like your eyeliner,” she told me when we were on a seven minute break. Also don’t ask me why the break was seven minutes, I think Mr. Lemmons just likes to keep us on our toes.

Today I was still rocking that white eyeliner but had put some red eyeshadow around the wing so it looked like it was glowing red. When I put it on I thought it was a little weird, and a little much but when Rebecca complimented me I smiled.

“Thanks, yours is really great too,” I said sincerely, “How did you get them so even.”

She smiled and leaned in like she was telling me a secret. And what the secret was? It was actually pretty simple diary. It turns out that I knew what she had been doing all along. We watch one of the same makeup youtuber and I remember the video she was talking about. A makeup “hack” for perfect eyeshadow, all you had to do was draw wings on plastic wrap then transfer them onto your face. At the time I thought that it was total weirdness but it turns out that Rebecca used it every day.

“I can show you how to do it, if you want,” she said, “It can be a little tricky to figure out by yourself.”

I thought about it. But when I weighed the value of having perfect eyeliner everyday and doing my makeup by hand, myself every time I got my answer, “No thanks, I kind of like everything being a little bit off, you know? Like I appreciate the imperfection.”

She just shrugged like she had her opinion and I was allowed to have mine. At first I thought nothing of it then I realized how she might have taken my reaction and quickly moved to apologize.

“Oh not that it doesn’t look good on you,” I said quickly, trying to sound sincere because I was, “You’re perfect and you look great, sorry if it sounded like I was dissing you.”

Rebecca flipped her short brown hair and posed with her head in her hands like she was taking a selfie. We both laughed but had to quickly stop because the seven minute break was up and we had to get back to playing.

At the next break, which was nine and a half minutes by the way, we didn’t have time to talk more because we needed to finalize some stuff for the fundraising dinner. Like who would do what and who would sit where, and before you ask if we should have finalized this before the school has just finished the winter basketball penny wars so this is the perfect time to squeeze in orchestra.

Even if we didn’t have a lot of time to prepare it needed to be perfect. Mom was coming so I would have to make it perfect. That was why I was practicing the song so much, why I had already chosen an outfit to wear, and why I volunteered to help prep the meals with the lunch ladies. It would be perfection, and I will make sure of that. I fricking swear, diary.

And besides I know Micheal is also planning on volunteering for the dinner, of course he is he’s Micheal H., so I basically had to volunteer right? People with crushes always take every opportunity to see their crush right? At least I think so, tell me if I’m doing with whole crush thing right, diary I need all the help I can get.

Since I was feeling more confident this morning, and didn’t want every staring at my weird eyeshadow I wore black lipstick today and needed to reapply before I saw everyone at lunch. Kelly came with me, because I asked her and not because she needed to do anything in there. I really needed her in there because as soon as we walked in, saw the Beyonce quote on the wall and heard people giggling near one of the stalls I knew I needed the protection.

The two girls, who were wearing skinny jeans, fake Gucci belts, and seemed almost identical rolled their eyes at us when we came in and continued talking about whatever they were talking about. I don’t know I wasn’t paying attention. I was just trying to put on my makeup as quickly as possible and get out of there without Kelly punching somebody. She already looked mad, leaning against the counters, and blocking my view to the other girls. Even though she looked angry, I was glad she was there.

I thought about it while I was reapplying my lipstick. Even though I dress in black and put on red eyeshadow I’m not really that confrontational and everyone knows that. It’s like what happened in the library the day I got that card. Those volunteers wouldn’t have even thought of messing with Kelly the way they messed with me. Sometimes I wish I was more like her, diary.

“So when are you getting that nose ring?” she said with no introduction.

With a deep breath I knew I couldn’t mislead her anymore and answered truthfully, “I don’t think I’m going to get one. I don’t want to do anything permanent you know? I think I just want to focus on my makeup and clothes.”

Kelly laughed bitterly and snatched my black lipstick from my hand while I was still using it. Leaving a black streak across my cheek that I quickly tried to wipe off. She started to leave, with my lipstick in hand and I had to follow after her since I didn’t want to be left in the bathroom alone with those other girls. When we were in the hallway, alone I might add, she bent down to get face level with me and I felt scared.

“You can put on all the makeup you want but it won’t really make you anything but a clown,” Kelly shoved the lipstick in my chest and I had to take it, “So be a poser if you want, Naomi just don’t expect me to like it.”

I had to hurry with putting the lipstick cap on and shoving the tube in my pocket so I didn’t lose Kelly on our way to the cafeteria. She’s sort of right. The only time I see her wear makeup is when she gets pimples and puts red and black x’s on them to make them more noticeable but with her multiple nose piercings, cartilage piercings, and tongue piercing no one is calling her a poser.

By the end of the day I managed to wipe off the black smudge on my face but I wasn’t really sure. There was no way I was going to the bathroom without Kelly, and she seemed really upset with me. She didn’t talk to me during lunch except to steal my food and because of that everyone else basically ignored me too. Because of that I was surprised when they were all waiting for me outside of the main school doors. Kelly, Willis, Steven, Lowell all of them had a look on their faces like they were about to burn down the white house, and I almost wanted to turn around and run back into school. But I forced myself to keep walking towards them.

Unlike Willis Lowell had the ability to modulate his voice so he leaned into me and whispered, making sure everything seemed casual enough that no one was looking at us more than they normally were, “We’re going to go spray paint the hardware store, want to come?”

The fact that I couldn’t go was on the tip of my tongue when Kelly gave me a dirty look. I could already hear her calling me a poser or a wannabe or a clown. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Micheal and a bunch of other people hopping in Nathan’s car. I couldn’t go home anyway, and I wasn’t sure if the library was safe. It seemed like the Y was my only place to hang out for the afternoon. Unless…

“Sure, I’m not an artist though,” I told them and almost miraculary smiles appeared on everyone’s faces, “Don’t expect much.”

None of us are cool enough to own a car even though Kelly and Steven have their license so we all either bike for walk to school. I know Willis’s Mom drives him to school and Kelly literally runs to school in her platform docs everyday so they were the only ones walking. Lowell, Steven, and I had to get our bikes from the racks before we left. Although I did have to walk a bit longer than the rest of them for my bike.

I thought that we would try not to bring attention to ourselves since we were literally going to commit vandalism, but no Willis had the music on his phone up to eleven and was blaring it all across the street. It was like the time this summer when we had all hung out in the Starbucks and were thrown out because again Willis was playing his music too loud. Expect there was no way to throw us out of a public sidewalk.

And even though I didn’t really like the music I liked the feeling of being in the music, you know. Like a safety blanket of rough sounds and guitar music, with everyone surrounding and us all being happy and going to our crime. At first everyone was looking at us, in disgust and annoyance and generally not liking us but once they realized they couldn’t glare at us into turning down the music everyone just stopped looking at us. Hoping that if they ignored us we would go away. Even though I know that wasn’t Willis’s strategy with the music, it was still a pretty effective way of getting people to not notice us going around the side of the hardware store.

Once we were there Lowell put his backpack on the ground and once he opened up the zipper it revealed bottles and bottles of spray-paint inside of the leather interior. He must have been planning that since this morning, but I was glad that at least I didn’t need to bring my own.

I knew everyone else would be tagging their nicknames, in a town like this tagging your name is like signing your own arrest warrant. But I don’t really have any nicknames, and I’m not counting Na-No as a nickname, and signing my girl scout code seemed counterintuitive and very descriptive so I waffled a bit on what to tag. It would have been easier if I was actually good at art and could have thought of something to draw. But the only art I really do is makeup, if you can even consider that art.

The exposed brick wall was filling up fast, Lowell and Willis were tagging ridiculously huge but then I thought of just doing what I usually do, makeup.

On Sunday when I was playing dress up I had used some black eyeliner to draw a literal wing on my eye, with the outline of feathers and everything. And that’s exactly what I tried to draw on the wall. It was a bit harder, the scale was so much bigger than what I was used to and I didn’t have as much control of where the paint went.

I had moved up my shirt to cover my mouth and nose but the fumes still made my eyes water and I had to resist the urge to cough. But the artistry was what really kept me going. Willis was of course drawing something with devil horns, Kelly and Steven were tagging their nicknames, and I couldn’t even tell what kind of abstract thing Lowell was drawing. But mine wasn’t like that, it was more vaguely punk instead of in your face. Those girl-scout art classes really paid off because I was able to get in shadows, and highlights, real texture and lightness on all of the black feathers.

When it was done I stepped back and examined my handiwork. Twin wings mirror on each side, somehow both bright and black looking as if they were flying somewhere. All projected on the rough, red brick wall. Willis, Kelly, and Steven had finished before me but we all sat down on the concrete waiting for Lowell. Once he was done, I was almost sad that he had put his art up on a wall that would eventually be taken down. It was like a Monet put a lot darker, individual blots of paint all coming together to make something appear, at a distance like a bleeding daffodil. Or maybe it was a bleeding sun? Whatever it was it was bleeding and it was beautiful. Honestly even now I’m wondering why he isn’t in art class.

It was like everything after school was a departure from reality and even now I’m in bed waiting for dinner to be ready, I’m still thinking about it. I feel amazing, I feel artistic, I feel like I can do anything. Satin is looking at me like I’m crazy, his black eyes shine with what-the-frick-are-you-thinking, but I don’t think I am. I’m just ecstatic. Hopefully my mood will last to tomorrow, if not… I don’t know. But you’ll know all soon, diary.

Naomi J. Morgan

Thank you for helping Ms. Morgan vent today, sorry for the slow updates. In person school has just started for me and in betwee picking cool outfits and worryinga bout covid I actually forgot to update, but don’t worry next wednesday Ms. Morgan will be back and writing, I promise.

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