October 9, 201X
I decided to try something different today diary. Instead of the usual clear lipgloss I usually wear I decided to finally try on my tube of black lipstick. And now that may not seem like much of a change, but I bought that lipstick a few months ago and still hadn’t gotten up the courage to wear it yet. But today was the day, black lipstick, yep I was finally doing it.
Since I was going all out with my makeup today I decided to tone it down with my outfit. Just my wide legged black jeans and my short black polka-dotted sweater. I even threw on my chunky boots under everything, just so Kelly wouldn’t have too many inches on me today. And I didn’t go ham with the eyeliner today either, just a white wing and a bit of a white eyeliner smudge under my eyes.
When I went downstairs I was feeling pretty confident. Mom and everyone came back last night so they were acting pretty tired, but Nathan was of course even more smug than usual. His team won second place by the way, and even though that wasn’t first place he was still acting like he was Isacc Newton and has just discovered gravity.
We were all sitting around the dining room table for breakfast. Mom had been too tired to cook anything but they had their leftovers from IHOP yesterday to eat for breakfast. I was okay though, cereal was fine for me. But I made sure to eat very carefully. Even though I knew I could just reapply my lipstick before I left, I still didn’t want to smudge it.
“Oh my God,” Nathan laughed, “I just noticed Naomi. You look like a skeleton!”
Nathan was laughing like he was at a circus and I was just trying to tune him out and eat my cereal when Derrick said something. Did he tell Nathan off for swearing, did he tell Nathan to mind his own business, did he at least lecture him about bullying no that would be ridiculous instead he agreed with him.
“Yeah I wasn’t going to say anything Naomi but that lipstick doesn’t look good on you.”
Like father like son apparently. I didn’t say anything even though he obviously wanted me to. And what was I supposed to say, that he was right and I was going to go upstairs to remove it right then and there? I kept eating my cereal. But while Nathan was still laughing I looked over to my mom, she shot me a sweet smile and for a second I thought she was going to tell me that she liked the lipstick but then I remembered who she was married to.
“It just isn’t appropriate for school, sweetie.”
Since I had finished my cereal at that point I just got up from the table, rinsed my bowl in the sink, and went out the first door. I thought about reapplying all day but I didn’t feel like it. By the time lunch rolled around most it was rubbed off over the day, leaving only a vaguely dark crust on my lips.
“Hey do I look like a skeleton?” I asked Lowell when we were at lunch.
His hair had grown out enough for him to dye it and of course he had gone all out. With bright orange and black hair dye he had died that pattern of a halloween jack o’lantern, just to get in the spirit of the season I guess.
Lowell fistbumped me, “Yeah, totally that lipstick makes you look totally dead. Super hardcore.”
Kelly patted me on the back at the same time she stole one of my granola bars, but I wasn’t mad, “Yeah you look sick, why do you ask?”
They said I looked cool so I was a bit embarrassed that I was so affected by what Derrick and Nathan said but I couldn’t just not tell them, “Nathan was just saying stuff at breakfast this morning, it’s nothing though.”
Kelly’s eyes lit up, but not in the scary way they usually did; instead she looked excited, “Naomi, you should get a nose ring. Nathan’ll have a heart attack and then you’ll never have to deal with him again.”
“Yeah, you’ll look so cool,” Willis agreed.
Steven and Lowell agreed with them, and while I did want to stick it to Nathan I didn’t know about getting a piercing. My ears are pierced, but I hadn’t really wanted them to be. When I was seven Mom left me alone in our apartment with one of her roommates. He was a nice guy, but that was only when he was sober and that was only about 40% of the time. He was supposed to be babysitting me but he got drunk and decided he needed to pierce my ears. With a needle, that had been heated over the stove. So after he was done not only did I have two asymmetrical holes in my ears, but I also had burnt earlobes too. I ended up not getting my flu shot that year because I threw up when someone even mentioned a needle.
I still have scars from the burns on my ears and nowadays I usually just keep a pair of small notched silver hoop earrings so I don’t have to think about them. Even now needles still give me the creeps. Having a nose ring would be cool, but I don’t think I have the stomach to actually do it.
“Sorry guys I’m too scared of needles so I don’t think I can get one,” I apologized to them.
Willis snorted, “Yeah I guess if you act like a baby you’re always going to look like one.”
I didn’t say anything after that, just kept eating my sandwich while they talked about Willis’s graffiti in the bathroom a bit too loudly. But I guess Willis knew his dad wouldn’t let him get suspended if he was caught, he was on the school board after all.
I was still thinking about the nose ring when I got to get my bike at the end of the day. But guess who was standing there leaning on the bike rack? Michal H. He had changed his clothes and without being covered in blood he actually looked pretty normal. Tucked in blue debate t-shirt with a grey hoodie and jeans, his sandy blonde hair was gelled as usual. When I got closer he waved and I looked behind me but there was no one there. And in fact mine was the only bike still on the rack.
I had just realized who he was waiting for when he spoke, “Hey, Naomi want to walk home together?”
And before I could pinch myself we were up walking home together. There’s only like three separate neighborhoods in town and we live in the same one, who knew? I couldn’t just say no, Michal H. asking me to walk home with him was something that could literally never happen, and I was just too shocked to not do it. And it wasn’t like anyone could see us, we didn’t take main street and the bike rack is like a block away from the school.
Michal was on the left of me and I was rolling my bike alongside the sidewalk. It seemed like the sky had given up all of it’s rain yesterday because not only was it only partly-cloudy, for about five minutes today you could actually see the sun, but it was also really dry. Perfect weather to walk home I guess.
“So how long have you been planning to sell your soul to Satan?” I asked him, laughing internally.
He chuckled, “When Gina invited me at the beginning of the summer I was so creeped out and didn’t think I would go back. But here I am now I guess.”
“Cool, so how many satanists do we have in town anyway?”
“About thirty,” he laughed, “And not really in town just in school. I know some people graduated while in the group and they’re all gone now. It’s weird that everyone who’s in the group in high school end’s up leaving once they graduate.”
Only thirty people, and somehow I’m part of it now. Even the baseball team has more players, but I guess that’s only if you include JV too. But that’s still a pretty inclusive club.
“No that’s more like selection bias,” I told him, “I mean if you’re going around cursing people you must really hate this town.”
He seemed borderline offended or maybe he was just trying to make a joke, “Hey don’t lump me in with those people, I love it here. And we don’t curse people all the time, just once a month.”
“Sure, Michal.” Let me tell you diary, it felt so weird to just have a casual chat with him. Like what’s next, I try out to be a cheerleader?
We got to the point where our path’s split. Michal said bye to me and went down his street and I watched him walk down the road for a few minutes. Aside from the satanic stuff this was the weirdest experience I had since entering highschool I’m not sure how I felt about it.
Once he was gone I hopped on my bike and peddled the rest of the way home. I even forgot to put my earbuds in it was just so weird. So for the five minutes it took me to ride the rest of the way home my music was just streaming into the wind.
When I got home the door was open which was weird, but just as I was about to ride up the driveway I noticed how Nathan’s car was parked. It was parked on the curb, on the curb. Nathan never parks his car on the curb, unless he has friends over. And given that the door was open, and I could hear lots of people in the house I inferred that he had friends over. I must have been too focused on walking home with Michal that I didn’t notice him pulling out of the parking lot with a Jeep full of people. It was too late for me to go to the library so I just closed the door and sat on the stoop. Hoping that they wouldn’t notice the door was closed and I could just sit there until they left.
I got one of my binders out and started to do my homework, but it was slow going. Every few seconds a loud thud erupted from inside. They must have been playing indoor baseball, a game which I knew my mom hated but she didn’t say anything about. Usually they didn’t break anything (anything important anyway) but I was still worried. I knew Satin was safely sitting on my bed, but they had gone into my room so many times I wonder if I should buy a lock. And Satin still has a few loose threads from the last time they used him as a baseball. But I didn’t go get him, I can’t be in the house while they’re there. Hence why I was sitting on my own doorstep doing my homework.
I tried to ignore the thumping in the house and just tried to do my homework. But every few seconds I was distracted by the balls just going home inside the house. Needless to say my eyes wandered up from my binder a lot. And when they did I wish I had never gotten distracted. Now I’ve always known that there’s not real privacy in Fortuna, but I’ve never really internalized how brazen people are with their snooping until today.
Mr.Terrance was out mowing his lawn and staring at me. Literally staring at me and it didn’t stop there. At least three other people were peaking, not really peaking actually just looking, through their windows looking at me. I tried to focus on my homework but between the balls in the house and the four pairs of eyes on me my heart wasn’t really in it.
The worst thing about it was that I didn’t know what they were staring at. Was it that I was hanging out outside? Was it my clothes? My lipstick? Maybe Kelly is right, maybe I should get a nose ring? Just so I can know exactly what they’re staring at. Anyway Nathan’s friends eventually left and dinner was normal. See you tomorrow diary,
Naomi J. Morgan