I am 15 years old now, with a ton of baggage that just keeps building up inside of me. I have Lincoln, which I'm very happy about. I know he is always here for me if I need to vent, but it's hard to bring the words I want to say from my brain to my mouth. Today I want to try and talk to him if I can bring myself to open up.
Lincoln is currently driving his dad to work. Since he got his driver's license he always wants to drive his dad everywhere, his dad lets him, he wants his son to know every little thing there is to know about driving. Even though he passed his driving test with flying colors his dad still tries to teach him things about it. I think Felix just worries about him, like any good dad would. I don't know what that feels like, Chester is the closest thing I've ever had to a dad.
It's Saturday today so we don't have school. I am going to the movie with Lincoln later, but before that we are going to the park to talk.
"So where are you going?" Gramma Rosie asks for the tenth time today. She has been getting more forgetful by the day. I am starting to worry about her. "I'm going with Lincoln Gramma. We are going to the park then we are going to go see a movie. Don't worry we will be back before 7." She looks reassured at the mention of Lincoln. She has always loved him.
She always asks me why we aren't dating. I've wondered that myself, but the only answer I can come up with is that we don't want to ruin our friendship. If we dated and then we happened to break up, that would be five years of our friendship down the drain. Not that I think that would happen, but I don't want to take the chance.
Dakota has been stuck on his video games, he barely wants to play with me anymore, unless it's on the game. He is turning into a typical boy. I make him go outside an hour before he plays his games, he always tries to argue a little, but he eventually gives in. I don't want him to be sucked into the TV 24/7 so I make sure he gets some sunshine.
A honk outside makes me jump a little. "That's Lincoln Gramma. Love you. I'll be back later." I grab my purse along with my diabetes supplies and my cell phone. I see that I have a text from Lincoln.
'Hey beautiful girl. I'm outside. This song reminds me of u. Crash my party-Luke Bryan.'
We always send each other songs back and forth to let each other know how we are feeling in that moment or just to let each other know that we are thinking of the other. I smile and put my phone into my purse. "Love you guys." I give my grandma a peck on the cheek. "I'll be back at 6:30." I tell her. "Okay yall be careful sunshine. Call if you need anything."
I go outside to hop into the truck, giving Lincoln a loving kiss on his cheek, he smiles brightly. "Well hello to you to beautiful girl. You get my message?" I nod. "I did. So play the song so I can hear it." He chuckles. "Okay miss bossy." He sends me his signature wink that I adore. He plugs his phone in to play the song. It's a country song. I listen to the words carefully.
'It don't matter what plans I've got I can break em'
yeah I can turn this thing around at the next red light
and I don't mind telling all the guys I can't meet em'
hell' we can all go raise some hell on any other night
if you wanna call me, call me, call me
you don't have to worry 'bout it baby
you can wake me up in the dead of the night, wreck my plans baby that's alright
this is a drop everything kind of thing
the door's unlocked
I'll leave on the lights
Baby you can crash my party anytime'
I look over at him with a big stupid grin on my face. "You are just the sweetest. You know that right?" He brings our intertwined hands up to his lips giving mine a firm but tender kiss. "You just bring out the sweetness in me I guess."
We head to the park. It's a quiet park with not too many people. They have a duck pond, an awning and some benches. We go to sit down. Lincoln pulls me to sit on his lap sideways so I can see his face. "What is it you wanted to talk about Ann?" He asks. He takes in the look on my face. "Something serious I'm guessing?" He questions. "Yes..I just. I.." I stammer out. He rubs my back to relax me. "Take your time gorgeous."
I feel myself about to start breaking down. He holds me tightly, rubbing the scars on my thighs. "Whenever you're ready." He is so patient with me, I sit there for 10 minutes not saying a word, finally he sighs sadly. "Look babe, if you aren't ready we can just go take a walk. That sound good?" He asks me in a low, gentle voice. I nod. "I'm sorry Link." I tell him. "There is absolutely no need for that word. Don't apologize. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. I will never push you to talk if you don't want to. You know that." He carefully lifts me up off of his lap and sets me onto the ground. He takes my hand in his and we take a little walk around the pond, holding hands the whole time in a comfortable silence.
Why can't I talk to my best friend about what's bothering me? I feel pathetic for asking him to come here so we can talk, yet I said nothing. I'm sure Lincoln doesn't care, I'm sure he understands, I just wish I had the guts to spit out the things I wanted to say. I guess I need more time.
We have a great rest of our day, we walked for a little longer, talking about less serious stuff, he took me to see a funny movie. I havent laughed that hard in a long time. I needed today. He held my hand all day long, just reminding me that he will always be here for me no matter what happens.