Somtimes you want disappear right now i feel the same thing . The reason is pretty simple the way the people are looking at me . Sometimes i feel that every single person has a opinion about me . They seems like, they are judging me . Walking towards to the school gate i feel like entering on a jail but it's not. It's only a normal girls high school no boys and you need to dress up in a particular uniform crazy right but there is a fun part about high school is that u will get to see many people with different characters . So the thing that makes me sick that i have to spend my time here . You know when i was child , i thought school life is best and i get to do things very easyly but honey , i am damn wrong school life sucks like a bitch . So you are thinking why i am so negative about high school life ? Because of my cousin rebeca . She always try to pretend the good girl on everything. She always try to show off and you know sometimes i hated it . She will tell her friends that she has everything and her father pampers her and they are rich but they don't use their money but they will soon move into a better apartment and you know everything she says is a big lie . Her father has talent but he is lazy so he hardly works so you are thinking how they take care all of their expenses so my father helps them all the time with money and the best part he helps them without telling us . You know the truth is my father helps them so they can keep an eye on us . They are basically spy whenever we do something they will call my father and tell him and after that my father will fight with us without even listening. So you are thinking after everything why are you still friends with your cousin, . So the thing is me , my sister and my mother has a high level of patience . So we let things go especially my mother . About school my cousin she is good student, good girl in everyone's eyes and i am a mix because i don't love to talk and praise anyone without reason so i sucks in there eyes . One thing about me is i am good student when it's comes to study so my teachers think i am brilliant student but the truth is i hate studying . I am studying because my mothers want me to do it because she things i am as good as my sister but i am not . She never understands she has expectations because after all things that my father is doing she wants me and my sister to have a better future so that in future we can survive without any problem . So the thing is i don't love my study that much and if i have any chance i will definitely change my educational process . So i do have friends they are different but they feel like real because they can make me smile sometimes. You know one thing i am not a saint also because i sometimes lie, i don't like everything people say , i sometimes gossip about people ,and sometimes i lied about people but when i love someone or make friends , you can always expect me to be a loyal friend . Ok one friend i love is zara . She is like a wild girl with slim body , while skin , black eyes and brown hair . Ever single boy around her had a crush on her . So my friend zara has a circle of friends and she is a kinda girl who will talk with everyone. So let's talk about my and zaras friendship . So one day i was walking in my class and she came infront of me and hugged me . I was totally shocked then she said "i saw you in my dreams from now on we are buddys " . I didn't say anything because i was shocked but also i have social anxiety so it's kinda akward but we became friends and i really liked her . Being her friends i become popular in her circle . So when ever we hang out some boy will come and propose her so sometimes it made me wonder that why there is so many boys have a crush on her . But what can i say she is my interesting friends, so it's normal and sometimes i really wanted to help her when she faces trouble but i can't because of my family. you should know me as a friend. I was quite girl in the circle and my friends find it very hard sometimes , because it's hard for them to hangout with me .
The thing is my character is different from others teenagers . Sometimes i am totally ok with you , sometimes i am hard to handle. Sometimes i will shut you down and sometimes i will give my all attention to you . You know when ever people shift their focus on me . I will start to get sweaty and i find it very hard to talk so they find me akward . The truth is my family played a major roll on my social anxiety especially my father played a major roll . So we will talk about my social anxiety but for now you can say one thing that "i didn't love my father " . My life sucks sometimes pretty badly and most of the time i love to stay alone .