January 26th, 2017
I’ve decided that I’m definitely leaving this place when I turn 18. I have to, or I’ll never resolve anything that still bothers me from before I ran away.
I took my messenger and my phone out of my drawer, where I put them years ago with no intention to ever take them out again. I charged them with the old cables I brought with me. Believe it or not, Jacoryn, Isaiah, Leo, and Zeke still use the messengers! Albeit, not very much anymore, but sometimes.
I scrolled and looked back as far as I could, which was pretty far, considering how few messages they’ve sent in the past year. I pieced together a little bit of a story from what they’ve sent, and you’ll never believe what I’ve found.
I checked my phone to make sure. For the first time in about 4 years, I actually opened Isaiah’s texts. The most recent one was a happy new year text from 26 days ago! What a faithful friend. I honestly never knew Isaiah cared about me that much.
Anyway, the important thing that I learned was that the car wreck Leo got in changed my friends. They realized that it was all of their stupid pranks and bullying and whatever that got Kaleb and Brendan killed, (and Leo nearly killed) so they stopped being jerks! Isaiah even said in a lot of his messages that he was sorry, which is huge for him. He said it so many times that I lost count. Recently, he also said that he regrets his behavior in middle school, which is something I never, ever thought he would say. But it’s completely obvious from Isaiah’s texts, and all of their social medias, that my friends are now way closer to being the good people I always hoped they were deep down. I really want to see them.
Despite my excitement, I also kind of feel terrible. I feel really, really bad for all of the worry and grief I imposed upon my friends and family by leaving the way I did. I listened to a couple of Aunt Merida’s old messages, (they mostly stop after 2013) and they were really sad. My aunt and uncle and cousins deserve better from me. Afterall, they took care of me when no one else would.
The thing that really sucks about my plan to go home is that I have to tell everyone here about it at some point, and I have to find the words to tell them how much they all mean to me. I’ve learned so much here, and they all feel like family.
I really don’t know how I’m going to get through any of this, but I guess I have until May 7th to figure it out.