November 26, 2012
I think I spent most of yesterday in fetal position, crying. I just don’t know how to go on right now. I kept wondering if I was really committed to leaving everything I’ve ever known behind, and then I kept telling myself that I was or wasn’t. I couldn’t make up my mind, and I don’t think I have yet. But somehow sleeping in the creepy woods helped me calm down.
Honestly, I might’ve been so distressed yesterday because I had barely slept for like 2 days. Or because what I’m doing is insane.
The thing is, though, that I’m not sure that what I’m doing is insane.
The other day, my friends started a food fight. My friends being Jacoryn and Isaiah, the leaders of the “troublemakers,” and their friends Zeke, Brendan, Leo, and Kaleb. The food fight wasn’t Kaleb’s idea, but he kind of started it at lunch, and we all ended up in the principal’s office and we all ended up getting in trouble. My parents didn’t even yell at me, which was worse than when they did yell at me, because now I know how little they care.
Anyway, Kaleb got mad at everyone for getting mad at him, and he quit the group. Then I ended up at Leo’s house setting up pranks for Thanksgiving, when all of our families get together to celebrate. Meanwhile, Isaiah, Brendan, Zeke, and Kaleb were at the Echall House, which is the “haunted” house in our neighborhood, and Kaleb DIED.
When we found out the next day, I cried so much. I could barely move I was so upset. I never thought I’d know someone that died before they were old enough to drive. But apparently my friends weren’t that upset, and they ended up crashing my family’s car by releasing the emergency break and letting it roll backwards down a steep driveway.
When I write this out, it sounds insane.
I don’t know.
I just really don’t know how I got here.