insecure. 👤

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why is it so hard to be me, myself and i?

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"insecure", an eight letter word,

a word that gives me a certain feeling,

a feeling i can't really describe,

a feeling that makes me feel weird,

a feeling that makes me scared,

a feeling that makes my thoughts circle,

around my mind, they keep running,

and sometimes never stop.

i look at my phone,

and open instagram,

i see all the pretty people,

"oh how i wish i was attractive like them,"

i see the pictures,

"oh how i wish i had a fun life like them,"

i see how lively they are,

"oh how i wish i was as extroverted as them,"

i wish, and wish and wish,

but i never thought of myself,

i never thought of my own happiness,

because i was too busy envying other people's contentment.

why do i feel like this?

why am i not happy with myself?

why is it so hard to be me, myself and i?

why do i care too much when i shouldn't?

why do i feel like i'm being judged?

why do i feel like i'm not good enough?

so many "whys?" and still no answers.

then there was a knock on the door,

i opened it and there, i saw,

a person wearing the exact same outfit,

i wore, they looked exactly like me,

"wait!" i said, "you're me!"

they replied, "yes i'm you"

"i'm the other version of yourself,

a version who you have inside you,

someone who you fear,

i am your insecurities."

then i started running,

away from,

my other self,

but the other me,

started chasing me,

from behind,

they were fast,

i kept hearing them say,

"you can run but you can't hide,

i'm coming for you,

and i'm getting closer,

i will make your life miserable,

once i get inside your head."

my feet were paining,

but i still kept on,

running and running,

until they were a bit far away from me,

i found a small place to hide,

i thought i was safe for a while,

until they finally got me.

"i'm in your mind,

i will control everything you think of

from now onwards,

you can't stop me even if you try,

i'll live inside your brain forever."

i was afraid,

i felt helpless,

i didn't know what to do,

i asked myself why was this happening to me,

tears flooded down my eyes,

i wanted to be free,

but then, i saw something,

i saw a person who was shining,

just like gold, they were smiling at me,

they saw that i was crying,

and lend me their hand,

they said, "sssh, it's alright, i won't harm you"

i was scared to hold their hand,

but i felt a warm, safe energy,

being radiated out of them,

as they were standing in front of me,

and then i gave them my hand,

they helped me to get up,

they wiped the tears off my eyes,

and said, "don't cry, it's okay,

i'm here to help you, but i can't fix all of you,

because you'll have to do it yourself too."

"i'm here to give you,

a power, the strength,

to fight your self doubts,

to fight your fears,

to be strong,

to not worry about anything,

and not care about certain things,

i'm here to also tell you,

that if you want to be better,

you'll have to fight your own battle,

you can't rely on others to help you,

help yourself, because i know you can do it,

believe in yourself, trust oneself,

i know it's hard,

and i know that sometimes,

you feel like you can't do it,

but i know you can,

healing takes time,

but just know that it's all going to be good in the end,

so please,

keep fighting, even when times are difficult,

keep pushing through,

remember that.

and with those words, they disappeared,

after hearing what they had to say,

i had a little hope in myself,

i started to believe that maybe i can fight this,

i'll defeat my insecure self,

it'll be difficult at times,

things might not look good now,

but i hope that,

one day,

i'll be happy with who i am as a person,

and i'll be able to value myself more,

and i'll not care or worry too much,

the battle may look tough now,

but i won't give up.

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