How do you describe a heavy feeling?
Is it the first wave of depression I’m so used to?
Perhaps it’s the backhand of gender dysphoria?
It could be my anxiety.
It could be my guilt.
It could be all of these.
If I’m lucky, it’s that cherry ice cream I had after dinner.
My theory is that if I eat enough sugar,
and take my medication as prescribed,
while charging my phone,
and washing the mascara off my eyes before I got to bed,
everything mental will fall into place.
Get a diploma,
take time for myself,
read a book,
finish that damned game of online chess.
Remember to be authentic.
Am I butch? Am I the mom friend? Do I want to be?
I am thankful to evolve.
Intrusive thoughts are powerless bombs that explode every time I feel regret or stress. Just get a better shield, Elizabeth. -EH.
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