Chapter 6 : Desire
I know there's only one class left but this day has been emotionally draining. Is everyday going to be like this? I'm truly questioning why I went through with this. I honestly regret it more than anything though I understand that I would've never met Sangwoo if I hadn't followed this path.
Still... I find myself not caring and walking out the double doors, headed towards the street.
"Hello, Yerin? You're in a class at this hour." Sangwoo's voice floods my ears, as I walk out of the building; getting hit with cold wind after cold wind.
An involuntary sniffle follows my cracked voice, "Can you come pick me up?"
I hear him, literally, drop whatever he's doing from my end. "Be there in second. Just stand at the front gates."
I do as I'm told, shivering but not complaining. People are passing me and giving me looks.
Sangwoo and I, our friendship, has escalated as far as him running a red light or maybe not doing the speed limit dead-on when I sound troubled. He's here in less than twenty minutes from the other side of the city.
I get into the car (he left his van and rented a smaller car for his own safety) immediately.
Without asking any questions he drives away, leaving the school to become a picture in the rearview mirror to disappear.
"Where to, doc?"
I look at him and I don't know what crosses my mind. His ripped jeans hug his legs in a certain way. His black hair is messy like I just woke him up. It creates an attraction that I don't understand. "Let's go to your place."
He giggles with a slight hiccup, then starts the car. "Is someone ready for their third kiss?" He asks me this jokingly.
I know it's humor but my answer is serious. "Are you?"
He gasps in fake disbelief. "Doctor Oh, look at you being naughty." He begins driving in the direction of his apartment. "Be warned that my place is barely pressentable."
I don't answer him back, trying to push away the foreign feeling I'm having for him and return to my usual self.
"You wanna grab something to eat first? My roommate might've already blown through my pantry." He keeps his eyes on the road responsibly.
"Yeah," I shrug. "After we should head straight to yours though. I need to get some rest for tomorrow."
"If you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?" He asks more to himself than me.
I don't really have an answer for him. I'm trying to talk myself out of quitting.
He spots a fast food place and without hesitation, pulls there. "Don't you worry your pretty head. I plan on talking you back into your education by the end of the day." He says casually, and shushing my upcoming protests as he opts to speak into the drive through speaker. The whole conversation is in Korean so I basically just sit here won't what he got me.
We've become so close that he just knows this about me.
Sangwoo parks the car under a bridge that doesn't become very active and starts a conversation by forcing me to eat. With the lame excuse "You look like you haven't eaten all day, Missy."
"Yeah, but I have. Remember this morning before I left the dorms, you force fed me an omelet."
"Yes, and thank god I did because it was at that moment that I learned that Min Yerin doesn't like to-mat-oes." He taps my nose for each consonant.
I don't look at him, but provide him with a slight smile. "Min Yerin doesn't like lots of things." I state this silently.
"Does Min Yerin... like me?" I see his big and dark eyes grow wider, holding innocence but something tells me it's false. I don't believe that he's got an innocent streak within him, there's just an atmosphere you'd feel if you're around Min Sangwoo, that seems like he's trying to not blow up on you for no reason. Like he's just give anything -anything- to scream for absolutely no reason, and people aren't just born like that.
"I love you. We're best friends, aren't we?" I say simply. There's a final mixture of emotions for him. Relieved but eventual anguish and an agonizing over-think about my words. It's simple, really, that Min Sangwoo is my best friend and that I love him for that, being the only 'best friend' I've ever really had.
A slight rain settles against the ever present fog we're surrounded by. The weather seems to get worse with every hour. "The temperatures here can be harsh, yeah?" I look out the window, realizing we're completely secluded. Not hating it, but I really want to take a nap.
"Can I kiss you again, Yerin?" There's a pinkish tint to his cheeks and it's adorable.
He leans closer to me but not necessarily in a way that initiates the meeting of our lips, more so that my eyes are forced to look deeper into his. "I just need to feel it again." His voice is soft in my ears.
"What?" I quickly look away from shyness. The temperature feels like it's rising considerably. I can barely hold a steady breathing pattern at this point. "What do you feel when we kiss?"
His face is leaning in closer to mine. So close that I can smell the smoke on his breath and the gum he was chewing on before I called him. "It felt like you belonged to me. That's what I want." I'm about to ask him exactly what he means by that but before the chance comes he's forcefully gripping the sides of my face and kissing me roughly, only landing on my lips about sixty percent of the time, but Jesus Christ - I don't care.
Because if we're being honest here, I want him to belong to me as well.
•| intermission |•
The trick to the perfect deception is to make your victim think of you as their savior. Some rays of sunlight in their world of darkness.
You need to find a victim that's smart enough to know better, but desperate for your love.
•| intermission |•
I don't completely enjoy the fact that Sangwoo and I have possibly ruined our friendship. I've never done it before, but I'm almost sure that kissing your best friend changes things between you. Not always for the best.
It's awkward, possibly for me only, his lips clumsily find mine as a target and it's weird. It's so weird. But I love every minute of every time his lips brush over a particularly sensitive spot of my neck. I love how his hands roam over my body as he slowly exposes it. "Tell me if you're not ready."
His lips stop just so he can whisper this. I can feel myself sinking into the plush mattress of his bed.
His pouty lips travel across my neck and chest, leaving behind a trail of open-mouthed kisses and wetness.
My skin is so hot at this point that it feels like I'm running a high temperature and I just lay here letting him give me my first everything.
"We should stop." He sits up from his hover over me. I take in his expression, uneasy and worried.
"You don't have to." I sound desperate, but I am at this point. Yearning for his feverish kisses against me. "Kiss me."
He rapidly shakes his head as if he's trying to get something out of his ears. "I can't, Yerin. I'll hurt you."
The man that's in front of me is pure art. Swollen lips, and pale skin that's been marked by my lips returning the actions of his, biting and sucking, and sinning. "You could never hurt me." I trust him wholeheartedly and fully. My arms snake around his neck pulling him closer to me and into another kiss.
It lasts for a few seconds before he pushes off of me and stalks away from the bed, his shirtless form disappearing behind a curtain that's being used as a temporary door.
He's right in every way though. This isn't how I imagined my first time, and these feelings I have about being with him in that way are desperate.
If anything this is just proof that I'll always be able to trust in Sangwoo. He knew what was better for me in this situation. He put me first.
He respects me.
I sit up and don't really bother to put back on the clothes that he carelessly and haphazardly tossed off of me. I'm still in my underwear and shirt.
He, on the other hand, was down to his boxers. I grab a blanket and follow him into the living room about ten minutes later. He's just sitting with his head in his hands on the couch, and almost looks sorrowful.
"I didn't mean to make you feel compelled to do that with me." I wrap the blanket around his practically naked body.
"Don't blame yourself. I wanted you too and probably more now." His eyes shift and rake over me, rapidly clouding with lust. "But you're not ready for what I was going to do to you."
A strike of panic actually hits me. I sit next to him, feeling his warmth radiate off of him, but I'm still shivering.
He wraps the blanket around me as well, easing me to sit next to him. I feel his warm skin and it's a softness against my own, probably ice cold. His arm hugs me close to him and I rest my head on his shoulder as he runs his hand up my thigh soothingly.
"I really don't want you to think that's why I'm friends with you. You mean so much more to me than just that. You're... mine." That sounds endearing to someone that doesn't hear him saying these words but for me it came across as possessive.
His grip on me tightens causing pain. "I want to wait until you're ready. I can wait for now." His voice is shaky, as if he's getting really worked up.
"Okay," I whisper, becoming wary of him.
"Yerin, do you trust me?"
I stare straight ahead, beginning to question things. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to... no he'll get angry if I say or think these things.
"Of course, I do" I'm so petrified at this point, I can barely breathe. It felt like you belonged to me. His words from earlier ring in my head. Suddenly they don't seem as endearing. They seem like he meant something else by them.
Other things seem off now. How he just popped out of nowhere on the last day of school, or how he coincidentally was moving to South Korea at the same time as me. What the hell was that? It was too convenient.
I picture myself calling my parents, them taking me home to safety. Never seeing him again.
But I also picture Sangwoo giving me a good reason as to why he's acting like he's out of his literal mind right now. Maybe he's just passionate.
"I trust you completely."