Chapter 11 : Touch
The rain splashing against my window reminds me that I shouldn't continue to make the mistake of dressing for summer again.
I opt for something to match the weather.
Pajamas and rain boots.
"No way am I letting you wear that to meet a guy. Are you even wearing makeup?" Hyeseong, who has become a regular at my house, scoffs from her spot on my bed.
"Do I need to wear makeup to have sex?" I ask with sincerity.
"Oh, honey." She gets up from her position and walks over to my dresser, beginning to rummage through my underwear drawer.
She passes a set of black lace to me. I've only worn these once, when I attempted to lose my virginity and it did not work out well at all.
"You'll wear this, with heels and your coat. I'll do your makeup too." She moves to another table in search of my rarely used makeup bag.
"A trench coat and underwear? You want me to look like a whore?"
"You're getting dressed to go have sex. You're supposed to look like a whore." She giggles. "And it's not like anyone is going to see you other than him. Speaking of him," She scoffs and then cracks her most mischievous smile. "Do you feel like telling me his name yet?"
I shake my head, clipping the bra. She accepts that. I'm not at all ready to admit that I'm going out with someone that's debuted a week ago, but I'm also still not ready to even ask him about his music or if Sangwoo is the same as the day he left me standing in front of a coffee shop. I don't care. It's a lot of pressure.
Hyeseong spends the next half an hour (maybe longer) doing the minimal on my face, peachy gloss, light pink blush, mascara. Then she feels the need to curl my head in ringlets.
She wraps the coat around me ceremoniously. "Good luck wearing this in the Uber," She giggles again, exploiting her dimples for the adorable mounds in her face that they are.
"Thanks," I roll my eyes at my friend.
I have to tie the belt and tighten the buttons in the car, while avoiding the eye of the driver. "So where is a girl like you going dressed up like that?" He asks, slyly but I'm not having any of this shit.
"130 pwangdak. It's the dormitory building owned by Neverland Labels." I don't say this with any formality or politeness at all.
In this country, I've found that it's not exactly customary to be polite towards strangers that hold insignificant places in your life.
He seems to take the hint, and doesn't press the fact that he's hitting on me but unfortunately keeps the conversation going for the last seven or eight minutes of our ride.
How great would it be if, in addition to paying for a car ride, we payed for silence?
I step out of the car after paying the conversationalist.
The rain has died down to a misty drizzle,
My phone screen illuminated the dim lobby, displaying the fact that it's only twenty after ten. The only thing I hear in the elevator and down each hallway is the click-clack of my heals.
I was asked not to knock but to just type in the same code as from earlier and let myself in.
Just like before Jimin is sharing this dorm with his band mates and there are only four or five of them. In addition to just not having a full floor they share one dorm, with their own rooms.
I'm so afraid of getting attacked right now. What would you do if someone broke into your house in the middle of the night in the fucking dark?
I check each door first (only having to check the first two) until I'm in front of the one that says 'JM' then I, as quietly, as possible open the door and step inside.
There's a male figure lying shirtless on the bed, the blankets have been pushed aside. He doesn't move until he hears the click of the door and he knows it's me. He can't see that it's me because of the lack of light in the room but it's okay. The moonlight streaming through the window shines on his pale chest. I don't remember Jimin being so pale. His skin was more tanned the last time I saw him.
He sits up, swings his legs over the edge of the bed and pats his lap expectantly. I don't ignore him and willingly straddle his thighs. They seem less muscular than I remember.
He seems hesitant to be here. I don't want him to feel obligated or anything. "Jimin-ah, we don't have to do this."
Jimin shushes me and stays silent. His lips wander across my skin, taking in the fact that I'm not wearing clothes. He hums at the fact that I'm only wearing underwear and a coat.
I feel his erection poking me through his briefs. He moans into my neck, slightly tugging my hair. I wrap my arms around his neck, allowing him to pull me closer yet he still says nothing.
The night we met, we didn't have sex but we did a few other things. He was gentle and vocal. Now he's completely silent and rough. It's a welcome contrast though and I don't hate it.
His hands are on my hips getting me impossibly closer.
One particularly harsh suck on my collarbone coaxes a groan out of me. My breaths are becoming ragged. "Jimin."
He flips our positions until I'm on my back beneath him with his lips attacking my exposed skin, leaving hickeys in their wake.
Jimin's fingers toy with the hooks of my bra after throwing my coat off, not caring where it lands.
He shifts me and places my head on the foot of the bed, kissing my nipples and gently tugging them with his teeth. I moan his name continuously, like a mantra until he growls and takes my neck in his hands, squeezing enough to elicit a squeak out me. My hands -my fingernails- cut crescents in his back, marking him completely.
"Jimin." I whine again, more high-pitched.
My hands fumble to tug his briefs at the waistband, groping what's been revealed.
He doesn't even bother unstrapping my heels, which just makes this that much more hotter. I'm feeling too much pleasure to ask him why he's so silent.
I wrap my legs around his waist and flip our positions again, and he places his hands on my hips encouragingly.
Jimin falls onto his back, lifting my hips just enough so that I can ease his tip into me. I can tell that he's trying to be as gentle as possible. It hurts but it doesn't feel like he's ripping me apart; as some girls have described the feeling of losing their virginity. "I... I'm ready." I breath out.
That seems to be enough for him. He begins bucking his hips, nailing me. "J-Jimin..." I throw my head back in exasperation.
He groans but seems to try to keep himself quiet. When his hips get tired, I leave my hands on his chest to steady myself and use my legs to rise up and down atop his cock. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling a thin film of sweat start to form on my forehead.
His hips move to meet mine shallowly until we're moving in sync, and I swear it's art. It's fucking art. This feeling of closeness is indescribable. I can't even see him but this feeling is much more than enough. When it stops, I'll miss it. This feeling that only he has given me and in this moment.
Small mewls exit my mouth and he does the same, less vocally than the last time I found myself pleasuring him. I feel my orgasm creeping up on me like a stalker, a very welcomed stalker because I come down from my high with a slight scream of pleasure. I feel him release himself inside of me, reminding me how thankful I am for the birth control I started at the beginning of the year.
I lean down to press my lips against his gently, tasting him and fucking loving it.
I fall over onto the right side of his king-sized bed, and let my exhaustion drive me into a fitful sleep.
•| intermission |•
Foolishly, she's completely desperate for the feeling she deprived herself of as a teenager. She wants that pleasure, and she'll get it from whoever is willingly to give it to her.
But I have needs as well.
•| intermission |•
I finally get out of bed and turn on the lights, to examine the naked girl in Jimin's bed.
She's perfect. My palms roam the expanse of her chest to get the feel of it. I've waited so long.
I've waited so long.
I've waited so long to finally claim her as mine. She's mine. No one else can love her the way I do; the way I did tonight. Who else is going to fuck her the way I did? She fucking loved every minute of having me balls deep into her. This is my property. I-I can't believe I let Jimin -that Jimin- touch her.
I start to violently tug my hair. Trying to get the... the bad thoughts to go away. The bad thoughts.... not now. I'm pulling so hard, it's actually painful. I love this.
Finally being able to let this violent side of me out, my mind needs that release.
Like he could ever appreciate the gift that she is.
I kiss up to her neck, knowing that she's fully asleep.
I reach over to Jimin's nightstand and take the previously hidden blade.
It's so light in my hand and deadly and I fucking love it. I love this feeling of 'I could kill her right now if I wanted to' and I could get away with it.
It's such an addicting thing, really it is. I allow the cool metal to slide against her naked flesh slowly as if to not wake her up to find me in my naked state with a knife.
My member is fully erected at the sight of this helpless little girl, this stupid stupid girl.
How can she not see what I really am, and how much I fucking love her? I'd kill someone if she asked me to. She's has absolute power over me and I don't care! I just need her.
I feel the urge to stab her repeatedly, painting her red with beautiful crimson strips.
I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong.
I have to stop myself.
"Not yet. Soon, but not yet."
So I don't. Instead I put the knife away and palm my fully erected shaft in anticipation, teasing the slit with my thumb and suppressing a groan of pleasure.
I keep my position hovering over the naked girl, and just stare at her.
She dressed herself for this tonight just for me. She came here for this. She wants this. She needs this. She needs me.
At this point I'm fully stroking myself above her, nearing my peak of complete pleasure.
"Yerin..." This I do my best to simply whisper, but it's difficult to suppress such love for someone while their unconscious.
My seed spills onto her naked torso. It's all over her, and she's never looked prettier.
My semen-covered index finger moves to enter her pretty little mouth, risky because I'm surprised she's not awake yet. Her mouth doesn't close around my doused digits the way I want it to but she can taste me.
"This is the only person you'll ever taste in your life. Get used to me in your mouth, Min Yerin." I whisper in her ear, not caring if this wakes her up.
I take as much time as possible to admire this vision in front of me and I got to fuck it tonight.
And I'm the only one that's going to do that for the rest of Yerin's life.