She wasn’t suicidal.
She knows she isn’t.
At least, not anymore.
But why is it that every time she sits at a bus stop, all she can think of is, “what if i jump in front of it?”
Or when she is at a hospital visiting a relative or a friend, she always stares down from the top window and her immediate thought is, “what if I jumped off this ledge and just end it all? Splat so hard on the asphalt ground no one can even tell a human had jumped in the first place.”
The French have a saying for this:
l'appel du vide
The call of the void.
Every time she thinks about jumping off or running in front of something, her mind recoils away from that thought and she withdraws away from whatever she planned on doing.
There is no explanation for why she even thinks those thoughts, other than everyone else thinks it too.
It's our mind's sick and twisted way of showing us it appreciates life.
But what good does it do when people think you are just a suicidal teen that wants attention when it could just be a cry for help.
Even without her knowing it herself.
Even if she thinks she is done with that part of her life.