Where It All Began
I smiled to myself as I stared at the two twin boys across the yard from me as they removed their caps and gowns before placing them in their bags. Today was our graduation day, and it was proving to be bittersweet more than anything. In a minute I was going to ruin everything that we’d spent our entire lives building. Our friendship, our loyalty and especially the trust we had. I sighed as I sipped from my bottle of water as my mother’s words played in my head, ‘you’ve become entirely dependent on them Alexandria. It’s only going to hurt more when you eventually begin to drift apart. College is no joke and shouldn’t be treated as one. Get rid of them now, before you do something else stupid and ruin your life. You already have one mistake to fix, don’t add another one.’
She was right about one thing. I would eventually lose them. I knew that the moment I realized I hadn’t told them I wasn’t accepted to their college, or should I say our dream college. Add that to everything else and it would only add up making the situation even worse. Everything we had planned was gone down the drain and they had no clue. They had no idea what I was going through right now and even though I told them everything, lately I felt like I couldn’t tell them anything. Too add more shocking news to things I got accepted to something better and I couldn’t believe it. In hindsight I was curious how I could get accepted into an Ivy league instead of a major university, but I didn’t question it. The excitement was too much. I had more decisions to make now than I’ve ever had before and it was becoming clear what I was going to do. The moment they spotted me they were headed my way. This was it.
“Holy Shit Alex! We did it! We actually did it and your speech was amazing.” exclaimed Colton laughing as me around as we hugged. I could hear Cameron’s light chuckle as I stuck my tongue out at him. I was going to miss this a lot. I was just going to miss them a lot. Everything will be different after this and I have no one but myself to blame. “Holy shit I can’t believe we actually did.” he breathed finally standing me back on my feet.
“You guys I have something really important to tell you and I need you to really listen when I tell you.” I sighed hating myself for what I was about to do. I didn’t want to hurt them and surely, I didn’t want them hating me. I took a few breaths as I tried to gather up the courage. I had to choose one of my mothers suggestions and I had to do it now.
“What’s the matter?” asked Cam his eyebrows furrowed together worriedly. I could barely bring myself to look at him as I felt a lump growing in my throat, my choice was becoming clearer. We’ve been inseparable since we were in diapers and I was destroying that. I had to destroy it no matter how much I didn’t want to. It had to end. I’ve never truly thought about how hard it would be to say good-bye to them because I never thought that I would actually ever have to. Looking into their green eyes as they stood here concerned for me was only making me feel worse. I begged myself to just blurt out what was bothering me so that they could make the decision for me, but it wouldn’t be fair to force them I was being forced. I took a moment to look at them, I mean really look, as I tried to gather my thoughts together and try to keep from crying.
Staring at my best-friends, identical twins whom everyone had a problem telling apart, but I never did. I understood though. If you didn’t spend practically all of your time with them, their personalities and hobbies were so much alike that it was hard for people to want to look for the differences. Instead they settled on just lumping them together. Not me though, I’ve always noticed every possible difference that they could have.
Colton Everhart stood at five foot eleven, just an inch shorter than his brother. His dark green eyes were framed by long lashes and were almond shaped. He only had one dimpled that came out when he laughed. His long dirty blonde hair was usually kept in a ponytail for reasons I’ve never understood. Today he wore a pair of solid black jeans with knee hole rips. His white wife-beater was tucked in under a black button up shirt with the buttons left undone and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. A white belt with a black letter C as the buckle was wrapped around his waist and a pair of all white sneakers were on his feet to complete the look. I was going to miss his goofy tendencies and infectious laugh. I felt as a few tears slid down my cheeks as I turn my attention to Cam.
Cameron Everhart stood at six feet even. His green eyes were almond shaped also with long lashes. Usually they were filled with happiness, but right now he looked sad and I knew why. He, unlike his brother, had two dimples that shone every time he smiled. His long dirty blonde hair framed his face perfectly whenever he wasn’t pushing it out his face. Due to losing a bet to Colt and I the ends of his hair was now pink. He was dressed similar to Colt today and I knew why. They wanted to confuse people one last time as their senior prank. His black wife-beater was tucked into some bright white pants. He wore a white button up with only the middle button done and sleeves also rolled to his shoulders. A black belt with a white letter C as the buckle was wrapped around his waist with a pair of black sneakers to complete the look. I was going to miss our deep conversations over the phone.
Honestly there was much I was going to miss about the both of them that it would take forever to try and explain it all. It was clear to me just how different they were. From how they wore their hair, to how they wore their shirts and especially how their relationships with me were; still sometimes I lumped them together also. Cam was the one to be serious with. Colt was the one to laugh obnoxiously with. It wasn’t always like that though. Sometimes Cam was the one to make us laugh out loud when Colt was being serious. It became a game for me who would be which, but today...today I couldn’t tell you. I knew neither would like either choice that I made, but I didn’t know who would hate it.
“Alex you’re scaring me.” said Colt chuckling nervously as he placed his hand on my shoulder. “What’s going on? You can tell us.” he said, sounding a lot like Cameron in the moment. For the first time in seventeen years I really couldn’t tell them apart. Not because I was too lazy to notice the differences, but for the first time I was the one to put identical looks of worry and concern on their faces.
“There’s so much that I want to tell you, but there won’t be enough time to tell you it all. So I’ll start with the fact that I didn’t get accepted to the same college. I won’t be going to our dream school and all our plans are canceled. No, we can’t take a year off and try again next year. It would be a mistake to do so and I won’t let you do it. We have to face the fact that plans change and there’s nothing that we can do about it.” I blurted out all at once already knowing what they would say. I could see the slight droop in their shoulders as more tears came out of my eyes. This was harder than I thought it would be, but it needed to be done. I couldn’t risk them changing everything to stay back with me. Especially not when I was still unsure about what I was going to do. “Who are we kidding guys? We don’t even know who we are without each other and it’s crazy to even pretend like we do. It’s crazy to stand here and act like this little triangle thing we have isn’t weird. For fucksakes people call us the Everhart triplets.” I sighed a look of disgust on my face as a flash of prom night came back to me. “We’re not triplets guys and no offense, but I don’t want to be related to y’all like that. Let’s be honest here, eventually college will tear us apart and things will become different. You’ll meet girls you like and I’ll meet a guy-”
“That won’t happen.” growled Cam interrupting me. My heart clenched a little more. This was the part that I hated. No matter how many times I played it over in my head it always ended with him hating me. It doesn’t help that it’s barely been a week since he’s told me he loves me as more than friends. The fact that I realized I loved him too was the final push that helped me agree with my mom. I couldn’t allow us to ruin our lives over a high school romance that neither of us had the courage to take a chance on.
“You don’t know that Cam! I’m sorry, but you don’t. You don’t know how I feel and you never asked. Look, I just think we should-”
“No Alex.” blurted Colt realization crossing his face. “Don’t do this. Not today. Not on our birthday and graduation day Alex.” he begged his own eyes filling up with tears implanting even more guilt into my heart and gut. I hated that today was also their birthday, but I couldn’t prolong this anymore. Seeing Colt cry was never going to get any easier and prolonging Cameron’s hate for me wouldn’t mean anything. He’d still end up hating me in the process.
“I’m sorry Colt. I love you guys, really I do, but we need some time apart.” I cried. “Real time apart for once.”
“No.” he said barely over a whisper before pulling me into a hug. “I won’t let you do this.” I could feel teardrops tapping on my shoulder. “Don’t do this.” he begged. I was so close to giving in and telling them what was really bothering me. Everything that I feared and how I didn’t want it to affect them. How I feared so much change that they ended up resenting me because I was the one to cause it in the first place.
“We’ll be thousands of miles away from each other Colt. I’ll miss you like crazy, but it’s best that we just just do it now. End this on good terms before we grow apart.” I sighed pulling out of his embrace. “You guys are twins and that’ll never change, but I won’t always be the girl three houses down.” I cried.
“Don’t beg her Colt. She’s already made her decision and made it clear that it’s final.” spat Cam anger filling his eyes. “Fuck you Alexandria.” I gasped wide-eyed as he stomped away. I expected a bad reaction from him, but I never expected him to legit curse at me. He hated using them around me, for him to use them at me was a shock. Even Colt stood there for a moment frozen with disbelief as we watched his retreating form, but he too eventually left with a final wave.
“I’ll miss you both Everhart twins. I love you too Cameron, but this is what’s best for us right now. We all need a break. You’ll understand one day why I did this and maybe you won’t hate me anymore.” I sighed before running off to my car and driving home. For the next two weeks, I knew I’d spend it in my room crying. I never wanted to hurt them and I’d just done far worse. I doubt they’d ever forgive me. At some point I had fallen asleep. I groaned feeling bony fingers wrapped around my shoulder trying to wake me.
“Alexandria? Alexandria wake the hell up?” grumbled my mother. She was possibly the most impatient person I had ever met. With great reluctance I pulled myself up into a sitting position checking for the time on my phone. It was almost midnight and now I was going to be up all night.
“Mom it’s late.” I groaned rubbing my hands over my face begging sleep to keep it’s hold on me.
“Did you do it? Did you finally leave those no good boys alone?” she asked sounding excited.
“Yes mother, today I ripped out the heart of not only me, but my best-friends since I was two. It was hard and we cried and I’m pretty sure they hate me now, but I’m so glad you asked.” I replied sarcastically as I rolled my eyes, but as always she just brushed me off.
“What about the plan B? Did you get it?”
“Mom prom was two weeks ago. I don’t care how much you and I hope it would be pointless to take it now. It won’t do anything besides upset my stomach. On top of that I said I thought I might be. I could just be late because all of the pressure of senior year ending and having to give a valedictorian speech.” I sighed not wanting to have this conversation with her. “Besides I already made a doctors appointment for a week from now to be sure.”
“You better hope that’s all that it is Alexandria Dawn McKinley. I thought we raised you to be smarted than that, but you’re turning out to be as dumb as all those other teenagers how there. I blame those twins. Sweetie being eighteen and pregnant won’t get you on tv with some stupid reality deal. You should want better for yourself and stop squandering your life away. Trust me, mother always knows best.” she smiled. I said nothing as I laid back down and turned my back to her. The moment I heard the door close I succumbed into a puddle of tears. She knew just how to kick me when I was down.