If I Were to Die
I'm standing on the edge of a building, a few hundred feet in the air. I'm not sure if I care too much or not at all, but the distance makes everything feel small. I lift a leg and let it fall off the edge.
Halfway there.
Does that make me half dead already? It's the embodiment of walking away from all your problems, but at least I wouldn't have to live with myself knowing I did just that.
It doesn't dawn on you until the day is almost over. That when this one ends a new one doesn't always begin. Sometimes all that's left is tonight, standing on the edge of a building, a few hundred feet in the air.
Toils you put forth don't earn you any longer. A haunting memory for every sin. A dwelling wish to do something right. People you hoped in gone forever. Realizing you invested so much in, you close your eyes rather than watch the world put out the light.
If death is the end, then let that be when we part. If I were to live until tomorrow don't let me waste these seconds, second guessing. Don't let me wallow in pity, it would be a pity not to be happy.
I have suffered, starved, struggled.
I have sang, smiled, succeeded.
But if I were to die tonight I would have to wonder if I have done it all. Did I fall to my lowest, rise to my highest? Was I at my best or just starting to rebound from my worst? I have done so little for so many, but I have done so much for a few. Was it enough? If death was waiting for me tonight, would I be ready or walk into it in sorrow? I would like to go knowing I have done something good, but unfortunately I don't know I honestly could. For every right there have been countless mistakes. For every wrong there is a desire to make a correction. Good intention behind my thoughts. Actions in need of intervention. Was it enough? If I were to die tonight.
