This Is Every Reason Why

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Chapter 4|Holland

Though I’m not sure whether it’s the baggy eyes or me almost dozing off while eating my breakfast, I know Mum can certainly tell that I didn’t clock in any hours of sleep.

Or maybe she can’t, as she doesn’t say a word and serves Oreo her bowl of cereal. I take a bite of my peanut butter toast tiredly as I check my phone, to see a message from Stella.

stella ward

good morning :D but also WHAT THE FUCK YOU SHOULD’VE CALLED ME

Holland Danvers


stella ward


you know we share a Spotify account right?

Holland Danvers






stella ward


Holland Danvers

I’m sorry

stella ward

ew no it’s not your fault!

plus it’s a pretty sick playlist

how long did you listen to it for?

Holland Danvers



The whole thing

stella ward


the whole thing?

the playlist is 6hours long.

i’m going to guess you didn’t get much sleep

Holland Danvers

Not really

I’m fine tho


stella ward

that’s okay

ima find a way to get you to sleep better

mark my words holl

Holland Danvers

It’s alright, you don’t have to Stella.

Also, school. Help.

stella ward

oh trust me, I will find something.

and yeeeeee i will see you at your locker :)

Holland Danvers


Thank you

You’re the best

stella ward

i kNoW

see you there holl

“Holland, I have no intention of rushing you, but we we should leave pretty soon.”

I nod my head and hastily chomp down my toast before grabbing my backpack and walking out the door. Oreo follows swiftly behind me and we walk to the car parked in our driveway.

“SHOTGUN!” Oreo screams as she dashes to the front seat of the car.

“NO WAIT-“ I scramble behind her “I’M MORE LIKELY TO DIE IN THE BACKSEAT!”

“And you want me to sit there?” Oreo retorts. She hops into the front and slams the car door in front of me.

“The car isn’t going to crash, Holland” Mum assures me, but now I’m pacing.

“No, no, the front seat is the safest seat to be in in event of a car crash. I don’t even want a car crash to happen.” I feel my face getting hotter as I walk up and down the driveway.

“Holland....” my mum says something, but my hearing is getting fuzzier.

The car door opens and I hear my sister walk out. “Fine, you wuss. You get the front seat, attention seeker.” And just like that, I come back into focus, like that sentence was a pin popping the bubble of hell, allowing me to escape.

“Thank you.” I mumble, but Oreo rolls her eyes and gets in the backseat. My mum turns on the engine and we drive off.

Halfway through the drive, we stop at a red light and mum turns to look at me. “You should probably learn to drive soon.”

Mum is pretty well informed of my anxiety-thing and is quite nice about it. But I don’t like the idea of driving w car.

I’m legally allowed to take my drivers test since I’m 16. I’m turning 17 in a bit. But there’s not a single chance I’m sitting for the test.

Car crashes, road rage, unsuspecting ditch to fall into. You know, things I don’t particularly want to encounter. Ever.

“Stella’s taking her driver’s test soon. I can always get a ride with her.”

Mum says no more.

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