*3 days later*
“Beniyah what color do you want? Pink or blue?” I smiled hoping he’d choose pink.
“Blue!” He laughed as I pouted.
“No bubba. We want pink.”
“Blue!” He yelled again as I scrunched up my nose.
“I already have a blue monkey.” I teased tickling him. He laughed loudly begging for me to stop. It warmed my heart to see him smiling to brightly. I haven’t spoken to Novian in three days and the flashes have stopped all together. I thought over the words Zach said and even though I felt he was right then, I knew he was wrong now. Novian and I were just two broken people trying to find solitude in each other. That’s where we were going wrong. We treated each other as we have always done, not taking into account the things that have changed us in the few years we were apart. I had no idea what he’d been through in jail and he had somewhat of an idea of what I was going through without him. That’s why we were clashing so much right now. We were both just screaming out for some kind of help.
“If you wanted everyone’s opinions. I think it will be a little girl also.” I turned to see Novian standing in the doorway. He wanted to come in but the hesitation weighed heavily in him.
“Dada come!” Smiled Beniyah. Novian looked at me his eyes pleading.
“Dada come.” I sighed trying desperately to ingore the twitch of my lips trying to smile as another flash came to me.
“Yes baby. Fuck me. Fuck me harder. Fuck me like you missed me. Yes. Yes. Yes.” I screamed my body spasming as yet another orgasm took over me. I could tell he was getting close. His movements were speeding up. His grips were growing tighter. His grunts were almost inaudible and then I felt it. I screamed as the most intense orgasm of the night shook me just as he filled me with his sperm.
“Oh.” I gasped looking at Novian. He stopped playing with Beniyah and smiled at me. I could feel the blush on my cheeks as he stared at me.
“I know you’re the father Novian.”
“How? Did Zach tell you?”
“Nope. I remembered.....us?”
“Right now. While Beniyah is right here. Wow Hope.” He teased.
“Hey it wasn’t my fault.” I laughed.
“What triggered it?”
“When I repeated him.”
“Oh. Well you do love calling me daddy.” He smirked as I blushed some more.
“Well that’s gross. I’m going to take my nephew now. He doesn’t needed to be hearing this. I blame Novian.” I bursted into laughter as shock plastered itself on his face.
“It was Hope.”
“Nope. I said what I said.” He laughed as he headed out. I turned back to Novian to see that he was already watching me.
“Did you remember that entire day or...?”
“Only remembered us having sex. It seemed...”
“Passionate?” He asked.
“And a whole lot more.” My face was on fire as he laughed. We sat there a moment more just staring at each other. The memory was heavy in my mind and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t turning me on.
“Hope I-” I couldn’t take it anymore and pressed my lips against his in a passionate kiss.
There were no words in the English dictionary to describe what I felt the moment his lips touched mines. There’s no way to describe the level of confusion I felt and I know that it’s going to keep me up all night just from thinking about it. It feels familiar yet foreign. There are fireworks and butterflies but it still feels cold and clammy. I’m both happy and mad. Estactic and ashamed. I know I shouldn’t be doing this yet I can’t stop myself. My lungs are screaming out for air, but I don’t want to be separated from him just yet. Luckily I didn’t have to be the one to make that choice. He pulled away turning to shut and lock the door before sitting the food down on a nearby table. In that moment the fog began to lift from my mind a bit, but that freedom didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would. The moment he was in my sights again his lips were on my mind. I’m not even sure who kissed who this time. It was like a magnetic pull. My back hit the door as he lifted my legs around his waist. My hands continuously ran through his locks of dark brown hair which was also longer now. Even with this feeling as right as it felt I still knew that it was wrong. Why couldn’t I stop myself? Why couldn’t I just pull myself away and utter four little simple words? I have a boyfriend was all I had to say, but I couldn’t. Why didn’t I want him to know about Jake? I could lie and say it wasn’t any of his business,but in reality I didn’t want him to know. I feared this would stop and he would leave if he knew about him.
I could hear the landline ringing in the distance, but I couldn’t careless. It just wasn’t possible. Nothing get make me stop kissing this man right now. Besides no one I knew called the landline anymore. It couldn’t be anything of importance. More and more ringing and now I’m convinced that the ringing is in only my ears and kissing him has me feeling dazed. Damn he’s a better kisser than I remember. I need air. As if he can read my mind he pulls away and begins nibbling on the one spot only he knows about and immediately my core is soaked allowing a loud moan to pass from my lips. I want this to happen with him. I need it too.
I feel my back hit the duvet as he carefully climbs on top of me. His lips feels just like I remember feel breathless. Like I can live off of the air in his lungs. The kiss is getting intense and even though sex would be a challenge with this cast on I want it. There’s nothing more that I want right now. I can feel his hands sliding up my skirt and soon after his fingers are inside of me. I want to moan outloud, but they are only swallowed by him. His fingers picked up speed as my nails sunk deep into the skin on his back practically begging for release. I needed this.
“Fuck Daddy go faster.” I moaned out detaching our lips.
“OH GOD! I’M SORRY. I’M SO FUCKING SORRY.” Yelled Zach as he left out the room. We sat there shock in our same position before he removed his fingers and I fixed myself. I tried to withhold the laughter that was bubbling up in but failed.
“Well I feel like we’re back in high school.” He laughed.
“It’s always Zach who catches us.” I laughed.
“I HATE YOU BOTH!” Yelled Zach as we both dounled over with laughter again. Yhup, definitely felt like old times.
“Let’s see pretty boy. How long do you think you and Hope are going to be together?” He teased as I rolled my eyes. This was the only thing I hated about Marcus. He talked about Hope incessantly. Maybe I was overreacting because I wanted no one looking see at her, but me. Still as friends there were some lines you shouldn’t cross.
“Marcus I told you. What I have with Hope is real. I’m in it for the long run.”
“Every high schooler thinks there relationship is real. Newsflash it’s called puppy love and it goes as fast as it comes.”
“Not true. I’ve been knowing her all my life. Both of our parents were high school sweethearts. They remained in love and friends.” I spat getting worked up.
“Oh excuse me.” He laughed. “Just because your parents are one in a million doesn’t mean the two of you are also. You’re to much alike. You rub against each other too much. All that friction is bound to cause a fire sooner or later.”
“Now Zach...good ole Zachary James...I can see them together.” That hit a nerve. “Wait a minute,didn’t they hook up a few years back at a party?”
“Marcus I’m warning you.” I growled through clenched teeth.
“Now now Novi don’t mind me. I’ve beem sampling to much of the product. Besides I’ve seen what you can do and even though Hope is one fine piece of ass she’s not worth the fight.” That did it. I was on my feet faster than I could blink. My hands were wrapped tightly around his neck as I pushed him up against the wall.
“Don’t you dare talk about her like that. Do you hear me? You have no right!” I yelled slamming him against the wall repeatedly. I didn’t care that his face was going red from lacl of air. Or that he was trying to pry my fingers away from his neck. “Do you understand me?” I growled he nodded quickly as I let him go. He inhaled hard gasping and coughing on the air. I shook my head as I stomped away. I needed to get away from here. Images of Zach on top of her kept playing over and over in my mind. I hated it. I hated that everyone knew. I hated that she even did that with him. Why hadn’t she told me herself? Why did I have to find out from everyone else? I was seeing red as I made my way towards the cafeteria. The moment I saw him a rage I’ve never felt before filled me.
“Zach!” I yelled charging at him. He turned a the look on his face said he knew this was coming. I cocked my arm back before sending a punch at him full force followed by another and another. At some point he began throwing punches back. I could feel the blood coming from my lips as he hit me again.
“What the hell?! Novian, Zach stop! Your brothers!” Yelled Destiny, but I didn’t care. A real brother wouldn’t betray me like he did. I threw more punches before feeling my feet lift the ground. My back hit the ground leaving me gasping for air.
“Novian I’m sorry!” He yelled. “We were drunk.”
“Fuck you!” I yelled trying to hit him again, but he had me pinned down good. We could throw shots for days, but he still older making him that much stronger.
“Novian I said I’m sorry.” He sighed.
“I don’t care. You knew how I felt and you still did it. You still had sex with her.”
“It wasn’t like that. Don’t do this here. You going to make me lose my job.”
“I hope so. I hate you. I don’t have a brother anymore.” I spat. He sighed as he let me go and we both stood up. I glared at him my chest rapidly rising and falling. I was pissed and couldn’t contain it. Catching him off guard I drew my arm back again hitting him so hard in the eye that it knocked him off his feet. “I will never forgive you.” I spat at him before turning and walking off.
“Novian!” I heard as I stomped down the halls. It was a voice I knew well I turned to see her standing there but I kept on walking “Novian please!” She cried. My movements halted as I turned towards her.
“Just go away Hope. I don’t like you seeing me like this.” It was true. I hated being angry around her and since she was partially the reason for it this time. I didn’t want to say something that would hurt her.
“No Novian. I’m the only thing that keeps you calm and I need to know what just happened. You promised you weren’t going to be fighting anymore!” She yelled. It was true, but this time it was a promise that had to be broken.
I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair. Still to this day she doesn’t know that it was Zach and I who were fighting in the cafeteria or that it was Marcus who initially riled me up. I thought it was best to keep it that way and tried my hardest to make sure she never found out. Despite the fact that Zach had just walked in on us we still had our appointment to go to. We were finding out the sex of the baby today. After the last few days we’ve had a bit of good news was needed.
Thanks to my mom letting us use the new van Beniyah was sitting in the back seat with headphones on watching some cartoon that I bet he’s seen over a thousand times. It gave us time to talk though. It was one thing we hadn’t been doing lately.
“Hope if I let you ask me one question and two follow ups to said question will ypu finally take it easy and stop stressing so much?”
“Seriously?” She asked wide eyed. Even though I didn’t want to do this, I knew it was the only way.
“Only if you promise to take it easy. You are pregnant.”
“Fine. Fine I promise.”
“Alright then go ahead.”
I thought hard on what I wanted to ask. What would be easier for me to handle? Did I want to know everything about what happened with Destiny? I mean what made her feel it be necessary to actually pull a gun on my child.
“What happened between you and Destiny?” I blurted before I could stop it. My eyes widen. No. Sighing I sat back pouting. Might as well have it answered it was already out.
“Are you sure you can handle it?”
“I asked didn’t I.” He smiled as we pulled up to a red light and he turned to reach in the back seat. He pulled out a bottle of orange juice and handed it too me. I smiled as I grabbed it and took a sip.
“Juice! Juice!” Yelled Beniyah causing me to laugh. Novian rolled his eyes as he handed Beniyah his sippy cup.
“Between the two of you I’m going to need a whole lot more juice.” He laughed. We sat in silence for a moment longer. I knew he was just trying to find the right words, but I was growing impatient.
“Alright. Well we had just gotten into an argument.”
“I remember that part.” I groaned.
“Well Destiny came over and asked me what happened. She made it seem like she had no clue and started talking about how I deserved better and how selfish you were.”
“She always did seem to take up for you even when you were in the wrong.” I spat.
“Well after everything I was losing my mind and I needed to vent. To talk everything out and somehow make some sense of this. The only other person who I believed knew you well was her. So I called her over and told her I’d be out in a second. She came into my room instead. I was saying things about going to make sure you were okay despite what happened and she kept trying to discourage me and talking down about you. I kept defending you. I was trying to find a way that I could make sure you were okay without having to see you when she kissed me. I pulled away told her no but she would accept it. She began doing this deep throat trick.” He paused.
“Did you like it? I mean is that what you wanted?”
“That’s the thing Hope. At some point her face became yours. Her voice sounded like yours. In my head it was you I was having sex with. Remember the sex we would have when we beyond pissed at each other.”
“Yeah.” I blushed. There were no words to describe that level of angry sex.
“Exactly. I thought she was you.”
“Then what happened?”
“Well I kind of freaked out. Told her I didn’t feel that way. That it was a mistake. She confessed to being in love me. How your friendship were based on trying to get close to me. She said she hated you and kept trying to talk shit about you. Then she slipped up.”
“Do you remember anything about Ronaldo?” He asked I tensed.
“Yes, but I don’t remember telling you about him.”
“Well you did. She told she introduced you two.”
“She knew how he was and she still pushed him off on you.” I paused.
“What? Why would she do this?”
“She claimed she would do anything to get closer to me. I snapped. I grabbed her by her hair and threw her ass out of my apartment.” I couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that burst from out of me.
“Do you feel about it?”
“Betraying you like that? Yes. Throwing that bitch out? Not evem a little bit. She deserved it.”
“You are something else.” I laughed.
“I guess I am. Will you take it easy now?”
“I always keep my promises.” I smiled reaching over and grabbing his hand. He smiled back interlocking our fingers. Damn it felt good to be able to freely talk with him like this. I couldn’t help the blush that grew on my cheeks as he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. Now all we needed to do was find out what we were having and hopefully by the time they were born we’d be a better version of us.
“Blue!” Yelled Beniyah as we sat waiting for the doctor to come back in.
“Pink.” Said Novian scrunching up his nose.
“Blue dada.” He laughed
I sat back struggling to contain my own laughter as they argued back and forth. I could Novian actually getting frustrated. Zach had taught him that blue was for boy and pink was for girl. For all we knew he was saying that he was a boy, not that I was having another one. However it was hilarious seeing Novian getting so worked up.
“Fine Bubba you win. Pink.” He sighed.
“Yay!” Novian looked over at me a smile playing on his features.
“Nope. That is between you and your son.”
“The two of you were having this argument earlier.”
“I’m still saying pink. I didn’t cave.”
“Yeah you cheated and tickled him so he wouldn’t yell blue in your face. Do you know how nerve wracking that is? I’m going to kill Zach.”
“No. Save Uncle Zach!” Yelled Beniyah jumping on Novian. I burst into laughter as his little fists attacked him. Novian himself was doubled over in laughter. It was the cutest thing.
“Knock knock. Sorry about the wait. So I have the gender in this evenlope.” My heart dropped as tears came to my eyes. “Oh sweetie it’s okay.” He said hugging me. “Fred and my sister would be so proud of you. You are really turning out to be a beautiful young lady.”
“Thanks Uncle Nick. I just wish they were here to see their grandchildren.”
“They live through you Hope. Remember that. Now take this here and go celebrate your baby boy with the James’s.” My mouth dropped as Novian threw his head back and let out a boistering laugh.
“Blue! Blue! Blue!” Yelled Beniyah jumping up and down.
“Looks like the kid knows his stuff.” Laughed Uncle Nick. I sat there watching everything around me and before I knew it I was full on sobbing. Everything was coming back to me. How my mom died. How my dad died. Everything with Ronaldo. Everything with Jake. Everything with Zach. Everything with Destiny. Especially everything with Novian.
Everything I was feeling was coming out in liquid form and I couldn’t stop it. I was happy, but Iw as overwhelmed.
“I-I remember.” I said looking over at Novian his eyes going wide. “I remember everything.” Was the last thing my ears heard before I passed out.
Everything happened in slow motion. She looked like she felt so much relief from being able to remember and then she was falling into my arms. Beniyah started crying and screaming at the top if his lungs. Last time he cried for her like that she almost died. Nick had her rushed to another part of the hospital putting emphasis on the fact that she was pregnant.
That was three hours ago and we still had no word on anything. I was going crazy. I was really growing to hate hospitals. I just wanted to know if she was okay.
“Family for Hope Evans.” Called out the doctor. I shot up from my seat careful not to wake up Beniyah. He eventually cried himself to sleep.
“And you are?”
“Fiancé.” I lied.
“Okay well both her and the baby are okay. Um...due to what you reported happened I believe both her body and brain were overwhelmed which caused her to faint. We gave her something to help her rest. It’ll be awhile though.”
“Is it okay if I stay the night with here?”
“Sure. We’re going to be setting her in a more comfortable room. As soon as that is done someone will be right out to let you know.”
“Alright thank you.” I let out a breath of relief as he headed back towards the back. I don’t even know what triggered it, yet she remembered everything. I sat down just as my phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered.
“What the hell happened? I just got your messaged.”
“We came to see her Uncle Nick and she started talking about wishing Mr and Mrs Evan could see their grandchildren. He told us the sex and she started crying. Then she looked at me and said she remembered everything and just fainted.”
“What? What did the doctor say?”
“Basically that her body just shut down. She remembered too much too soon and it was just to much.” I sighed. I told her repeatedly that she needed to relax, but she wouldn’t listen.
“Look Novian, don’t stress I’ll be down there soon.”
“Don’t bother Zach. They said she’d be out all night. I’m going to stay with in case she wakes up. I’ll keep Beniyah.”
“I’m still coming.”
“Za-” he hung up I sighed shaking my head I put my phone back in my pocket.
“Hope Evan’s fiancé?”
“That’s me.” I said standing again.
My mind wouldn’t stop spinning as we headed towards her room. Something felt off. Just as I was about to lay on the couch Beniyah woke up screaming. I tried to calm him down but nothing was working. I groaned as I headed to the vending machine for a juice with him still screaming in my arms. I had to go all the way towards the entrance before I found a machine. I sighed happily upon seeing they had apple juice for only fifty cents when the siren of the ambulance sounded outside. Being the nosy person I am I stood in watch.
“Incoming! We have a three car pile up. Two dead on scene and one in critical condition. His name is Zachory. Zachory Beniyah James.” My heart dropped as they wheeled Zach passed me before taking a hard right towards the emergency room. Beniyah was still screaming at the top of his lungs as I took off full sprint towards the ER.
“I’m sorry sir, but we can’t let you back there.” Yelled a few nurses as they tried to hold me back.
“That’s my fucking brother!” I cried tears streaming down my cheeks. “That’s my brother.” I whispered breaking down to my knees. The couldn’t be happening.
I sat there with my head in my hands feeling conflicted. Zach was in surgery with god knows what kind of injuries and Hope was basically in a coma. I didn’t know who I was suppose to be with and it was killing me. I kept thinking about that day in the cafeteria. I went six years without talking to him and now when we were just starting to become brothers again there was a chance I could lose him. I spent so much time away from Hope because I was too scared of her rejection and now I could lose her too and our child. It was too much. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Beniyah was screaming for Zach still as my parents came rushing towards me. I could hear my mom saying something to me, but she sounded so distant. I was rocking back and forth shaking my head no barely recognizing my surroundings when the words I dreaded pierced through the ringing in my ears.
“I’m so sorry. He had too much internal bleeding. We did everything we could, but it just wouldn’t stop. We lost him.” I could hear my mother’s cries as the merged with Beniyah’s. Dad was saying something, but it only sounded like more ringing. I stood up and stomped away my feet taking me towards her room before my brain could process it all. She laid there looking so peaceful and it only pissed me off more.
“Are you happy Hope?” I spat. “Answer me. Are you happy? Do you see what you’ve caused? I told you that you needed to relax, but you just wouldn’t listen. Now you’re here and my brother is fucking dead because of it. Why would you want to hurt me like that? I NEVER DID AMY FUCKING THING TO YOU AND YOU’RE JUST GOING TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME LIKE THAT! Is this about Destiny? I did what I had to do too protect our son. Do you still blame me for your dad? I was found not guilty damn it! FUCKING ANSWER ME HOPE! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! We were just starting to bond again. All he ever did was try to protect you AND THIS IS HOW YPU FUCKING REPAY HIM? I can’t do this anymore. I hate you. I fucking hate you Hope and I don’t want to ever speak to you again.” I spat heading towards the door just as the heart monitor began to go off. “Hope? Hope no. Help! Somebody help! Not you too. Please Little H not you too. I didn’t mean. I promise you I didn’t mean it. Don’t leave me. It’s my fault. It’s always my fault.”
“Excuse me sir, but you have to leave!” Some nurse practically yelled in my face. I didn’t care I wasn’t leaving. “Hope. Hope baby you’ve got to fight!” I yelled as someone began to drag me away. This was it. This was the day that everything within me broke and no amount.of amger will healed me. I was thrown out the room with the door slammed in my face. I broke down to my knees tears streaming down my cheeks saying the same six words over and over. “Please don’t leave me Hope, please.”
*a week later*
“We are gather here together no to mourn but to celebrate. On this cold November day we celebrate the home going of Zachory Beniyah James and we send prayers to Hope Evans and her baby with hopes that she wakes up soon. Novian, my son, you have given a great burden to carry. Continue on with your head held high and you’d be pulled on through. Now back to our services. Zachory or as he liked to be called Zach was a friend to us all. He was a loving son, brother and Uncle. He put everyone else’s needs before his own and never said no. He often spread his self to thin, but he always managed to pulled through...” There was a loud bang cutting off the pastor as cops rushed into the church and stopped in from of me.
“Yes?” I answered my body and spirit too tired for anymore drama.
“Please stand. You are under arrest for the murder of Destiny Jackson. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law...”