Mounting my motorbike who I liked to call 'Bumblebee' primarily due to its color, I set out my journey to the inevitable.
You see, I've been practicing my heart breaking speeches. I'm filtering the words that I'm about to throw at her as I don't want to cause her unintended pain. Well, not like it will actually prevent her from feeling it.
These past few months, I started feeling a little sensitive. With literally almost everything. It's like, for all the years with her that I managed to get my emotions under control, all of a sudden, just like a dormant volcano, waiting it's right time to erupt. All my pent up rage, pain, and unspoken feelings exploded in my mind. And that moment, I knew, I'm done.
I'm not hurt. I'm just done.
Like every fiber of my being has been exhausted and turned to dust. I love her. And for the longest time, I imagined us growing old together. I love her. That's what I keep telling myself since our relationship hit rock bottom. I love her. I wanted to believe that I can still spare both of us the heart aches. I loved her. It's been playing on my mind for a while.
But maybe, love turned into loved means something. Or it meant a whole other thing. That maybe, defining what I used to feel for her and what I'm feeling now is already a sign.
I fished out my phone from my pocket after I parked my bike in front of their house and called her.
"Venus, I'm outside." I waited for a minute before I heard someone opened the gates. Then I saw her. My once dream of my future.
"What are you waiting here for? Get inside now." She commanded only to fell on deaf ears of mine. I didn't get here to talk about that. I came here for something else.
"Can we go somewhere else please? I like to breathe some fresh air" I asked her while handing her a spare helmet. She eyed me suspiciously but wear it eventually.
She hops on my bike. Arms hugging me from the back as I drove us to the park where I saw my best friend this morning.
Taking to a stop, I got off my bike and went straight to sit on one of the swing. I felt her followed and sat on the other one beside me. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a whole five minutes as I continued to stare at the dark sky above me, still wondering if this is the right thing to do.
It was all quiet until she broke it.
"What do you want to talk about? Clearly, it's not about that. "
With all the courage I mustered, I finally said the words I never thought I would say to her.
"Let's break up."
Absorbing what she just heard, she let out a gasped and the next thing I knew, my head snapped towards my side as I felt a sting on my left cheek.
If this is an ordinary day of our relationship, I would say that it hurts. But tonight, I'm so numb physically that I didn't even noticed the blood from my busted lip.
"Why? Why would you say that? Tell me this is a joke! This is a test right? You wanted to see how I love you, right? You can't do this!" She yelled furiously at me while punching my chest with her fist. I didn't stop her though.
"I'm sorry, Venus. But I really think this is the best for us. We both know it. I know you do." I tried my best not cry. Who am I kidding? This is hard for me to do.
"No! You can't break up with me! What about the promises we made? You promised a future with me, remember? Four years. We've been together for four years. You can't just throw it all away like that?! You can't leave me!" She cried.
I wanted to wipe away her tears and tell her that it's going to be alright just like what I always do to calm her down whenever we fight. But I have to refrain myself.
"V, for the past months, I know you felt it too. It's a fall out we can't escape. We've been arguing and never managed to make it up. Every fight adds to the fuel. I tried, V. To save us. Because I love you. But every time I do, you just won't appreciate it. And I felt like I'm the only one who wants to work this out. I'm really sorry, V. This is the end. I can't find for us anymore."
It's awful to watch your loved one cried because of you. But I have to do this. This is the right thing to do. To be honest, I felt bad. Breaking up with her is surely something I will always feel so bad about.
In the last moment of our relationship, I gave her one last hug. I poured out my remaining love for her and engraved it in my memory.
After a while of sobbing and hugging, she finally let go and walked straight to my bike.
"Take me home" She whispered almost silently and I obliged.
I dropped her home and went on my own way. I decided to stop and buy some alcohol when I passed by a convenient store. Guess this would be my buddy for the rest of the night.
Lucifer was already asleep when I got home. I tossed my bike key on the table and went to the terrace with the beer I bought. I chugged the liquid down my throat as I tasted the bitterness of it. What a day.
I checked my phone and noticed that Venus has already cleared the nickname and set our conversation to default on my messenger. She also updated her status to single and removed me from her friend list.
If that is her way of moving on from me, then maybe I should do my part of avoiding her. If it will help her of course. Aside from that, I think she also wanted to have her space just as much as I want myself too. Away from everything.
It's been a long day and I'm drained to the core. I wanted to rest so badly but I can't bring myself to sleep.
Something is happening but couldn't figure out what. I'm restless and nervous. Is that normal? To feel nervous for something you don't know? I can feel my heart pounding right out my chest. Is it my Asthma acting up? No. It doesn't felt like it.
But what is it? I'm confused as I stared at the clock resting on my table. One minute before twelve. A minute before midnight. And all of a sudden, the whole temperature in my room dropped. A chill run down my spine as I caught myself panting. My vision were spinning and I couldn't bring myself to stand up straight.
Is this because of the beer? I don't think so. I only drank five bottles and I know in myself that's it's not enough to knock me off.
Frantically looking around, the world felt like it just turned upside down. I grabbed my phone and tried to call someone. I'm so dizzy that it got my vision all blurry. I didn't know who's number I dialled but fortunately for me, that person answered my call.
If my auditory system is still functioning right, then that person is my best friend.
"Help." That was all I muttered before I went on a thud and darkness enveloped my whole consciousness.
A soft humming that came from my terrace got me out of my sleep. I rubbed my temple trying to recall what happened last night when a wave of head splitting headache came over me. A loud ringing in my ear comes next. There's a pounding in my head like a wrecking ball demolishing a building.
I closed my eyes in the hopes of making it stop as I heaved a huge breathe. Then again, the soft humming reverberated in the whole room distracting me from the pain.
But wait? Who's making that sound? Obviously it's not Luci. That good buddy of mine only know how to bark. Maybe there's a burglar? A thief in my apartment? Stupid Kenzo! Since when did thieves have the guts to hangout in the house of their victim? Ugh. This is weird and the headache made it even worse.
Slowly, I got out of the bed and look for my dog. What the hell? I don't remember sleeping on my bed last night. Let alone clean up the bottles of beer.
"Luci buddy, where are you?" I called out for my dog. Surprisingly, I heard no response from him. Normally, he would be running around the house jumping on his paws whenever he heard me call.
Taking a huge breathe, I decided to check my terrace where the soft sound came from. There, I found my furball looking up to someone. He seems intently listening to every note like he was feeling it.
I was about to take another step when I saw who the person is. She was wearing an off-shoulder plain white dress. The end fabric of her dress on the back was long and like a water it flows freely. Her long hair swayed whenever the wind blew. She's barefoot and it appears that she's enjoying her view. She was crouching on the sill with her one leg dangling on the edge. Damn it! What was she thinking? Doesn't she know that she might fall from where she is? For pete's sake! My apartment was located on the 6th floor of this building.
Before I could get her attention, she snapped her head on my direction. I mentally cursed when she stood up from where she was and stared at her in disbelief as she walked tip toed on the ledge. She walked on it like she's performing on a circus balancing herself.
Any longer and she would cause me my death from heart attack. So before she could take another step, I grabbed her on her waist and pulled her from the ledge. I miscalculated her weight and I ended up stumbling, having my butt kissed the floor with her on my lap.
I groaned from frustration as I immediately enclosed her figure with a bear hug feeling my own heart beating erratically.
"Hmm?" She answered while burying her head on the crook of my neck. Her shoulders were moving up and down like she's having a hard time breathing.
"What the hell were you thinking climbing up there? Are you out of your mind? What if you fall? You could've died!" I almost yelled at her before crushing her into another tight hug not minding the awkward position we were in.
Sooner, I heard a chuckling sound coming from her and before I knew it, she burst into a laughter. She eyed once again and throw another cackle while I gawked at her. This girl is really nuts. She's impossible. Crazy hard headed rabbit. Well, she wouldn't be my best friend if she wasn't insane.
"It's fine hahaha you got me. Look! I'm still right in front of you. Not like I'm going to die twice" She said while getting off from me. I didn't heard her last remark but I shrugged it off nonetheless.
"Please don't ever do that again. You crazy woman!"
"But it was fun seeing your priceless reaction. You looked like you've seen a ghost" She talked back before turning her heels towards the terrace again.
"You little devil! Don't you know how worried I am?" I still yelled at her but she didn't mind it, pretending like she didn't heard me at all.
She spread her arms as if embracing the sun light that's been kissing her skin. Her entire frame looked like glowing. Like some ethereal heavenly being.
"You looked like you're glowing"
"Well, sherlock, of course I would. I'm a goddess!" There goes her confidence.
I raised my eyebrows at her and she scoffed at me, "Did you hit your head or something? Of course it's because of the sun, dummy." She said it in a tone like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Fine. I give up. I can't win an argument with her.
"Anyway, what are you doing here this early?" I said, while heading towards my bathroom to do my thing.
"Guess what Daga?"
"I decided, I'm going to live here with you. Sounds fun, right?" She gleefully answered. Oh no. Please pray for my soul.