The Life I never Imagined

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CHAPTER 38

PRESENT DAY – THERAPISTS OFFICE

I was laying with my back on the couch supporting my head on the arm rest comfortably with my eyes closed. I felt so relaxed having told someone everything about my life. People weren’t lying about talking to a stranger cause it actually lifts off that burden that’s long been there.

Her: So I’m guessing that’s when things went south between you and your sister?

Me: doc, this was only two years ago and I got arrested about 6 months ago I think

Her: ok. I want us to go back on the abuse and how it affected you

Me: I think I mentioned it all in my story doc and how it affected me

Her: yes, and I heard every bit. I have to ask, had you not suffered what you suffered as a child, do you think you’d be where you are right now? I chuckled trying to imagine life without the abuse and every other pain I ever endured and I don’t think I’d be where I am today.

Her: I’m not saying it’s good that you suffered because no child deserves what you went through but answer me honestly

Me: I guess the abuse made me stronger than I could have been without it. Doc it forced me to grow up before time and had Ester been a better mother then maybe I wouldn’t be locked up in here today

Her: you blame her for being locked up in here?

Me: it’s all her fault. Everything wrong in my life is her fault.

Her: and what about your role in all of it? I mean some things could have been avoided but you chose not to. You mentioned that so many

times your friend asked you to move in with her and her family so that you wouldn’t endure what you did and you could have easily moved in with them but you chose not to

Me: so what are you saying? That I enjoyed it?

Her: no that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that sometimes we allow ourselves to be treated in a certain way when we can actually stop the treatment. Look you were a child when it all started but you let it go on for 6 years when you could have taken action. You went to a good school which has social services to handle such cases as yours and your sister Me: A man of such power and a child from a broken home. whom would you believe between the two? Don’t you think he would have twisted the story to favour him instead of me? Doc have you ever endured abuse? She shook her head

Me: exactly so you don’t know what you dealing with and what it does to one mentally. Don’t you think I wanted to get out of that life as soon as I could but I couldn’t. I’m not street smart and I’ve never been, I’ve always been book smart and I had one goal in mind. Obtain my matric and get out of that place and despite what you may think I made it out pretty well.

Her: And your biological mother?

Me: what about her?

Her: how are things between you and her with you here?

Me: I talk to her every day and she visits whenever she can. She’s been doing her level best to get me out of here. If it weren’t for her and Miso I don’t think, I’d have any hope of leaving this place

Her: Did you and Miso ever pursue a relationship? I mean one minute you in love and

the next you over. How has what’s happened between you and him affected you?

Me: it’s no secret I’ve loved him since forever but you’ll have to let me finish the story if you want to know about Miso and I

Her: fair enough. and your daughter?

Me: she… she has been the light of my life, the light in the end of the tunnel. I would do anything for her

Her: like you’ve done for your sister?

Me: that’s different. I wouldn’t just kill for Kendra. I’d purge for her

Her: let’s get back to you and your sister.

Me: I love her and she loves me and I would do it all over again for her because she’s my sister Her: she vanished for years without saying anything to you

Me: she had her reasons and we fixed things

Her: until?

Me: does it really matter doc? All that matters is that I would do anything for her

Her: Yolanda I know and you know that your case does not look good. We looking at life in prison

Me: then so be it

Her: Yolanda I know I don’t know you personally but based on what I’ve heard from you even if the story is not done but you are not capable of killing someone. At least not the way you killed him

Me: he deserved to die

Her: because he was abusing your sister or because of what he put you through? Me: what he put me through?

Her: I’ve had a chat with Miso and he is more than determined to get you out of here and from what I’ve gathered from your lawyer. He put you through hell

Me: I think this is enough for today

Her: Yolanda we not done yet

Me: I think we done doc. I’d like to go back to my cell

Her: not in the condition you in. You not strong enough

I kept quiet and bit my lower lip. This woman does not seem to want to let this go.

Her: I am trying to help you here and in case you haven’t noticed, I am probably the only one who can help you here so please don’t make my job difficult

Me: look. Talking to you has been great and all but I’d like to rest now

Her: fine. We’ll continue tomorrow then

Me: thank you doc. Enjoy the rest of your day

I got up and headed for the door

Her: Yolanda wait

I stopped in my tracks

Her: now I’m not supposed to do this but I have something for you. Come here

I went back to my seat and she typed on her

computer and then a while later she turned the

laptop to me and there she was. So beautiful

and so grown. I can’t believe I haven’t seen her

in 6 months. I don’t want her visiting me and I’ve

begged and pleaded for my family not to bring

her here. Tears just trickled my eyes at the sight

of her.

***PC***

Her: mommy

Me: hey baby

I said holding back tears and she had that beautiful smile of hers that always warmed my heart

Her: mommy don’t cry

Me: I’m happy baby. I’m happy to be talking to you

Her: mommy daddy and uncle Yanga are doing everything in their power to get you out of there

Me: I know baby

Her: I need you to be strong mommy. I need you to be strong for me

Me: I’m trying baby

Her: I love you so much mom

Me: I love you too. I hope you not giving grandma and daddy much trouble

Her: daddy’s not coping mom. he’s scared. I heard him talking to uncle Kyle on the phone yesterday

I swallowed a huge lump on my throat. I hate that I can’t be there for her and hold her in my arms and tell her everything will all be ok. I hate that I’m here. I just hate myself for putting her through this.

Her: daddy says it’s not looking good for you but mommy I prayed and God said that you didn’t do whatever it is they saying you did. God says you don’t belong in there and he said that you are going to get out

Me: you spoke to God?

Her: yes, mommy and he answered me. We were at the park and we were playing games and it was just beautiful

I smiled with my hand on my mouth shocked at what I was hearing from my baby. I’m not a religious person but I’m also not atheist. One could say I believe there’s a God and I do pray every now and then but I’m not big on church. While my daughter on the other hand, she’s super religious and she goes to church every Sunday with Yaya or My mom when she’s in New York or with her father. I love that she’s devoted to church. Doc tapped her wrist indicating I had to say my goodbyes

Me: baby I have to go ok. I love you so so so much

Her: I love you to the moon and back

Me: and I love you to the stars and back. Bye baby

Her: bye mommy

She kissed the screen and I couldn’t help but

smile. I ended the call.

***End Of PC***

Me: thank you doc

Her: you welcome

Me: I hope this doesn’t get you into trouble She chuckled

Her: see you tomorrow Yolanda

Me: thanks again doc.

I walked out of her office in a much lighter mood than I was when I walked in. things were looking up and all thanks to my daughter.

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