You're gonna unman me.
Pulling on my Hunter wellies I make my way across the grass to investigate with a torch placed in my mouth climbing up the wooden planks determine to reach the top. Two watery, lost eyes stared back at me with emptiness as I peered in through the doorway.
“You can’t be here Liv ... not again ... not when I’m like this.” He spoke through repressed sobs, in a raspy, broken voice. It pulled on my heart strings.
“You’re telling me to leave my own tree house.” I desperately tried to lighten the mood but I think it was too far gone.
“Please.” His low whisper echoed around the wooden walls.
For the first time in years I climbed inside and situated myself next to him on the wooden platform. He said nothing but kept his head hung low, he let out small sniffs as he tried to rein in his emotions. Being inside the tree house with him brought back a flood of childhood memories and I could now clearly see writing and art work dressing the walls. Absentmindedly my fingers traced over the messy word ‘Liam’ which was drawn into the cedar with a green crayon. I remember the day we signed our names and vowed to be best friends forever. In that moment I felt a strong desire to get him through this even if I was just some stupid bet.
“Don’t shut me out.” I whispered into the darkness.
I reached my hands up very slowly and I observed him watching me from the corner of his eye. I pulled him into my embrace, he didn’t flinch and I knew it was because he was expecting it. As he melted against me he winced with pain and broke down, warm tears rolling uncontrollably down his cheeks. We sat for an unprecedented amount of time as I stroked through his chestnut strands, comforting him as he silently cried into my chest.
“You could tell someone, they would help.” I tried to ease him out of dolefulness but I failed miserably when two panicked, swollen eyes shot up to meet mine.
“No! Liv! You can’t tell anybody! Promise me you won’t tell anybody!”
I could feel his whole body tense and his heart race, little light freckles that dusted his nose made him look innocent and child like and I just wanted to protect him.
“Shhh... I promise. I promise” I settled him back down against my chest, the crying had stopped now but we hadn’t changed our stance.
“Why do you come here? I mean Jordan has plenty of room. Can’t you stay with him?” He shot me a look that told me I had just asked a stupid question.
“I have nowhere else to go and this place is oddly comforting. Jordan doesn’t know about my home life. No one does, except you.” He winced again as he sat up to face me fully, holding his arm across his ribs. “You can’t tell anyone.” His broken face was more serious now and his tone implied a warning.
“You’re badly hurt?”
“Take your shirt off, let me see.” he froze at my request, panic sparking in his eyes.
“No it’s fine.”
Our eyes had a showdown as I urged him to let me help him, he sighed in defeat and tugged his t.shirt off, coiling over with the pain of his own movement. His chest was completely purple stretching right across both rib cages, slightly down to his belly button and over his left peck. My breath hitched with the sight and my fingers reached out to trace his tender marks. Liam pulled back with a flinch and then winced with the aftermath. I knew his pained expression wasn’t due to the physical pain of the bruises but to exposing his bare chest to me.
“I’m sorry” I whispered, trying to hold back tears.
“It’s fine. I’m just not ready.” he said timidly.
“I’m going to get you some pain meds”
“I have some, I buy them off that chem kid. His moms a pharmacist so he has access to really strong ones.”
I think back to the drug deal he did in the school cafeteria when I was linked to his arm, guilt washed over me as I remember how I laid into him afterwards for involving me. I thought he was buying some heavy drug but really he was only trying to ease his pain. Liam trailed his warm fingers down my cheek as two cloudless blue eyes gazed deep.
“Don’t.” he whispered.
“Don’t what?” panicked by the sudden thought that he could read my mind.
“Don’t beat yourself up, you never knew.”
“come inside” I offered, looking at his grey sleeping bag.
“I think I want to stay here. If that’s okay.”
I didn’t fully understand why because it wasn’t very comfortable or warm but I didn’t question it. This was his safe place. This is where he needed to be.
“Then I’ll stay here too.”
He looked at me with gratitude as he opened up his sleeping bag fully and draped it over the both of us like a blanket. I curled into him with my fingers sprawled wide on his chest, the right peck which was bruise-less. We lay in the comfortable silence of the night listening to only an owl hoot somewhere in the tree above us.
“Have you found anyone to fuck during the lock in yet?”
I caught him off guard and he tensed under my hand, I’m not sure if that was a good sign or a bad sign. But it felt like he had answered my unspoken question and confirmed all the thoughts running through my mind. I let out a deep sigh as I waited for him to piece together a suitable reply.
“No?” I wanted more than that. I wanted an explanation.
“No.” He repeated again.
The wind rustled around, shaking the wooden house ever so slightly. It was really dark and I wasn’t sure what time it was but Liam lay cuddled into me so I couldn’t move to check my phone. His bare legs intertwined with mine in a tangled mess of tantalizing sensations. Contrast to earlier he looked peaceful as his thick lashes fluttered across his cheeks, perfect pink lips closed over and his chest displayed a soothing rise and fall as he breathed.
The sleeping bag had inched down hiding only his boxer shorts but exposing his chest fully. Even through the darkness I could see the shadows of his bruises. With him sound asleep I couldn’t help my wandering fingers. Feather lightly I traced my gentle hands along his sides, relishing in his silky smooth skin below me. He squirmed beneath my touch but his eyes remained closed and his breathing remained even. The buds of my finger tips ran along his sexy ‘v’ and made their way up a short, neat stubble of hair towards his belly button. He let out a moan and scrunched up his forehead, appearing to enjoy my secret touch. My fingers delicately moved up his abs, allowing my thumb to stroke each dip of his toned six pack.
“Liv...” His whisper startled me and wide eyes shot towards his, which remained closed.
My fingers continued their mission, feebly trailing down his sides from the top of his armpits right down to his hip bones in a slow agonizing motion. He squirmed again under my touch and a groan escaped his lips.
“Liv... you have to stop that right now.” he whispered into the darkness this time opening his eyes to greet mine. They were seductively dark, filled to the brim with desire. My index finger traced his ‘V’ dipping slightly lower to trail across the waistband of his bulging shorts. He titled his head back and closed his eyes, biting his lip slightly
“Fuck... Liv... you’re gonna unman me.” he breathed out in between sexy pants.
He pressed his palms against mine, pulling them above my head and halting my wandering hands. In a swift motion he rolled on top of my body, holding me in place with his knee resting between my legs. Lust filled eyes with dancing sapphire flecks stared into mine silently asking permission before they darted down towards my lips. Desire took over, he lowered his head and closed the aching gap between us as his expert lips connected with mine.
Not even starting off slow and seductive like last time, it was hot, heavy and passionate from the off as his tongue explored every inch of mine like it was something he craved. His skin brushed up against my skin sending sharp daggers flying through my body in delicious, uncontrollable waves. He groaned into my mouth as sensitive parts of his manhood awakened an unexplored area of my own body through the thin - but not thin enough clothes we were wearing. My hands pushed down through his wispy chestnut hair forcing him to deepen the kiss. His fingers found their way under my silky camisole raising it slightly to expose my flat stomach as he caressed the tender area below my bra.
He pulled back from the kiss allowing us to breath out the thirst we had for one another. He rested his head on my forehead, panting.
“Why did you do that?” he finally pushed out through swollen lips.
I felt the pinkness appear on my cheeks as the shyness inched in.
“I... I don’t know.”
Because I didn’t know, I just wanted to touch him. His breathing regulated and he rolled off me rubbing the back of his neck.
“You can’t do that to me.” he whispered, sounding a little lost.
“I know. I’m sorry.” I replied.