This will be okay, won't it?
I was nervous, we hadn’t even come close to what we were about to do but now he wanted to go all the way. My subconscious screamed at me that it was too soon for him but my body selfishly screamed back because I wanted this. I craved this intimacy from Liam, I needed to feeling him all over my body, I needed to feel him in my body.
“Are you sure?” Liam asked his voice was barely audible.
“Yes.” I answered.
Liam stepped forward closing the gap between us and leaned in as his warm lips landed on mine, he placed his hand under my chin and titled my head back to deepen the kiss. His tongue passionately claimed mine as they collided in a sweet embraced that allowed him to pour his emotions into me. Taking all the comfort that I had to offer. He pulled back and ran his thumb across my swollen lips.
“Kissing is you easy. It didn’t use to be. This will be okay, won’t it?” Liam was asking for reassurance that I couldn’t give.
“I don’t know.” I said honestly and he just took a deep breath then leaned in towards my neck.
I closed my eyes as I felt his breath tickle skin, sensual waves crashed through my body and released a deep groan somewhere in the back of my throat. He trailed kisses from the sweet spot behind my ears all the way down to my collar bone and I gripped his biceps to steady myself from the overpowering tingle it caused. With my contact Liam froze for a split second but pushed through, continuing to tease my neck with his blazing lips.
My hands pulled back his leather jacket and slowly slipped it down his shoulders, removing it before dropping it to the floor. He complied willingly, without flinching. He removed my jacket and dropped it to the floor. Silver eyes searched mine, I’m not sure I had the answers he seeked but he looked nonetheless.
I clutched my fingers around the button of jeans, loosening the waistband. I knew getting his pants off was easier territory and he willingly slipped out of them, but as more layers of his amour got removed his breath seemed to quicken and his confidence seemed to diminish. Liam grasped the hem of my t.shirt, slowly slipping it upwards and gently grazing my skin with the back of his hand as the cotton rose further up my body.
“Nice choice” Liam said trying to sound confident but his broken voice betrayed him as he admired the bra he picked out on our first date. I smiled my response and freed the button to my own jeans, slipping off as he watched.
My eyes glanced down at his t.shirt for a nanosecond before returning to his. “You ready?” I asked referring to the hardest bit of clothing to remove. The was a long pause, a moment Liam took to mentally talk himself into this. His eyes were alight with so many emotions, fear and desire both fighting for the forefront. I gave him his moment, I needed him to be sure.
“Yes.” he finally spoke in the lowest of whispers.
I let the cotton of his t.shirt fall into my hands as I pulled it upwards excruciatingly slowly, giving Liam the chance to back out at any moment. He closed his eyes and held his breath, refusing to move a muscle. His arms raised upwards to give me the access I needed to remove his shirt and drop it down to the floor to meet our other clothes. I inched closer to Liam but on instinct he took a step back then he screwed his face up and shook his head like he was mentally slapping himself.
“Sorry” he said.
“That’s okay, I can give you a minute.” I took a step back and watched him battle his inner demons as he concentrated on his breathing.
Liam came back into my reach, he stroked the skin of my stomach with the back of his hand, from my navel to the line of my pastel green bra. I reached behind me and unhooked the clasp that held my modesty together. Slowly teasing the straps down my arms, revealing my hidden skin to Liams wandering eyes. His face glowed as desire battled with the fear, desire in the lead. I knew a pink flush was creeping in across my face as Liam made no secret of where his gaze fell.
I inserted my thumb inside the ridge of my panties, slowly lowering them down and stepping out as they fell to the floor. Two emeralds fixated on Liam eyes but he didn’t match the contact, instead he floated his gaze up and down my body clearly liking what he could see judging by the unmissable bulge in his boxer shorts.
“You’re so beautiful” he said through a raspy voice.
I didn’t answer him but I pointed my chin at his light blue boxers in the hope that he got the hint. He raised his eyebrows in realization and then gripped the white elastic waistband of his shorts, dropping them to the floor. Freeing the beast that I so badly wanted to tame. A small smile pricked my lips at how at ease was dropping his boxers but how complicated taking the shirt off was. It made no logical sense but at the same time it made perfect sense.
So here we are, standing in my dimly lit bedroom feeling exposed and completely naked in front of each other, in more ways than one. Liam closed the gap between us but halted before our bodies touched, he placed his hand on my cheek, stroking gently with his thumb. He trembled.
“Liam, you’re shaking.” my voice was thick with concern and so were my eyes. He ignored me and just continued stroking my cheek with his trembling fingers. “Liam, you’re not ready for this. Don’t push yourself.” I tried to convince him not to rush into this.
“Liv, this is ready” Liam grabbed my hand and placed it on something that chipped away at my innocence, something I’ve never touched before. I gasped feeling the size against my hand. “This is ready” he moved my hand and placed it sprawled out across his heart. “It’s just this, that is not.” He made my hand tap his mind. “It’s a mental block and the only way to get past it is by going through it. I won’t let darkness win. I’m ready.” Liam seemed sure of himself this time. He didn’t stutter, his mind was made up and we were doing this.
He pulled me forward so our fronts pressed together and his lips crashed against mine in a furiously fast burst of passion that offered a distraction from the closeness. I felt his heart thundering against my own, I shared his body heat as it clung to every inch of my skin, I felt his excitement grind against my smooth legs as my own throbbed to be sated. Liam moved my body backwards towards the bed without breaking our kiss. I felt the soft material behind my knees as I fell down, waiting for Liam to follow but instead he stood over me trying to gain the willpower to follow through with this.
“You know... you know I’ve never done this before, right?” He said as his cheeks pinked and his hand went to the back of his neck. I nodded, of course why else would be be acting like this?
“No, I mean ... it’s not just about the lack of clothes it’s about, like, proper sex. I’ve never done it in a bed, I’ve never done it lying down, I’ve never been interested in the girl I’ve been doing it with.”
“We’ll learn together.” I whispered, a little bemused that he’s now worrying about his performance instead of the closeness.
“This is the closest I will have ever got with anyone ... I just don’t wanna freak out ... I’m so sorry if I freak out.” The fear in his eyes had now taken over the desire, it sat proudly on his face threatening to overwhelm him into darkness.
“You can back out at anytime.” I said reassuringly but at the same time really hoping he didn’t.
Liam thought carefully about his answer and I held my breath believing for a moment he was definitely going to back out. “No I want to do it but can we just lie together for a while?” he asked and I pulled back the sheet gesturing for him to get inside.