“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live”.
There are a lot of memories you will cherish forever but then what about those memories you can’t get out your head? Those memories you don’t want to remember anymore, the memories you just can’t delete, what do you do with those?
I remember this day just like I remember the first time I got a whooping and my first fight. I had moments when I blacked out but I remember the most relevant part of those days. The year of 2000 had just begun. It was January 7,2000 to be exact. It was early morning, very frigid outside but burning hot in the inside. It was around the time my mom would get up and get ready for work. Then all of a sudden, me, my sister, and my dad was woken up by my mom cries and her screaming. I was four years old so I didn’t quite understand why would my mom be screaming like that so early in the morning. I just knew that my mom had got a phone call with bad news. I was at the age where I would cry when I seen my mom cry and that’s exactly what I did. I could hear my dad trying to calm my mom down to see what was wrong with her. My dad had told me and my sister to come to the living room to hear the bad news. My mom continued to break down as she explained that my grandmother had just passed away. I think at that moment of this memory is when I blacked out. I was a kid so I didn’t know the true meaning of “death” but I knew I was never gone be able to see my grandmother again. My family never told me that my grandmother was sick was I became a confused kid. I just know that I stopped seeing her as much during her last days.
My grandmother was diagnosed with stomach cancer a few months before her death. The doctor had told the family that she only had 3 to 6 weeks to live. Sure enough, my grandmother died the fifth week. My grandmother was my second mom, she helped raise me and my sister because my parents worked a lot. She stayed in the next building from us so I always seen my grandmother. She took me to school and picked me up. I would go to church with my grandmother every Sunday at Liberty Baptist Church, where she was in the choir and was a nursing board aid. We would always watch Soap Operas and the Golden Girls. She would always lay me across her lap and clean my nose or should I say “get all my boogers”. I hated it, I would cry and scream every time. My grandmother was the closest person to me, I was closer to her than I was to my mom. She was my best friend before I even knew what a “best friend” was.
One of my biggest fears being a kid was getting anywhere near a dead body. My grandmother funeral had me traumatized for a long time. I loved my grandmother very much but It was no way I could face my fears that day but I didn’t have a choice. My dad made me give my grandmother a kiss. That was the first fear I had faced in my life and my first heartbreak.
Months after my grandmother death, it became a struggle for my parents. Trying to balance out work, a babysitter for us, and still manage to keep the household together. My Uncle William better known as “DoeDoe” or my grandmother Re who is my dad mom, would babysit me and my sister sometimes to help out.
The year of 2000, just couldn’t get any worse. It was the month of December, a few days before Christmas. Me and my sister was at one of my mother close friends house. I remember my mom friend getting a call saying my mom was rushed to Saint Bernard hospital. My mom was home wrapping Christmas gifts when she had a severe asthma attack to where she could no longer breathe on her own. My mom almost died, she had to be intubated in order to be able to breathe. Intubated, is when the doctor has to insert a tube in your throat which is better known as a Trachea, to help with providing more oxygen in the airway.
One of my biggest challenges was getting used to my mom. When my mom first came home from the hospital, I was scared of her. I would cry so hard because I felt like I didn’t know who she was. I didn’t know what that “thing” was in my mom neck. I no longer thought that my mom was normal. It took me about a week to get used to her. We would go out to stores and people would just stare at her. I would feel embarrassed or ashamed that my mother didn’t look like my friends mothers. Sometimes, I would just cry and hope that when I’m done crying she would go back to her old self, but she never did.
After my mom got sick, life was unexplainable for me. I was just a kid but I felt like I had so much responsibility to carry on now. My mom was going through a lot of surgeries so my Uncle DoeDoe would babysit us and help her at home. For a while, my mother couldn’t talk verbally. So she would write down things she needed. Sometimes we would have to feed my mom, bathe her and help her get dressed. Seeing my mom always coughing and weak made me such an emotional kid. when times my mom had to go to the hospital, the nurses would have to suction her and it was the most traumatizing thing I ever seen. Suction is a tube that’s attached to a machine that the nurse insert into the trachea to get any secretions that’s blocking the airway out. My mom would shake so bad and I would storm out the room. I knew I couldn’t do anything to make my mom not be sick anymore except help her get better. I never wanted to let my mom down so I would do everything I could to make sure she was okay and feeling better.
I knew that this wasn’t a ordinary life of a five year old, so it made me become a different kind of kid. I felt like I could no longer relate to the others. It was like I was a normal kid at school but as soon as school was over, I knew I had to go home to help take care of my mom. I knew my mom was depending on me and my sister since my dad was always working. I was no longer really focused on going outside to play, I was too worried about my mother. After losing my grandmother and almost losing my mother, I wondered what could possibly happen next. It was like a slap in the face waking me up to the real world but it was only the beginning...
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, tyrastanley21Write a Review