Cold Hearted

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12. I Love You

XII

A few years earlier

“You’re sure?” He asked softly, I nodded as I bit my bottom lip, I was nervous but I felt safe.
The music that was playing hit differently, every word engraved itself in my brain.
“We can take it slow,”
I smiled softly and he smirked, leaning forwards as he began to kiss me, my legs wrapped around his waist.
An unfamiliar pain made itself known between my hips, my hands clutched onto his shoulders. “Sorry,” I whispered.
“You’re okay, you can hurt me as much as you want.” He smiled and I could feel my nerves melting away.
It was not at all glamorous or mind-blowing, it was actually pretty uncomfortable but it was special because I love him and he loves me.

He wrapped me up in his arms and kissed my forehead, “I love you,” he whispered softly, his fingers brushed against my arm, I ignored the soreness.

“I love you too,” I smiled, my eyes closed in content as I cuddled closer to him, he was happy and so was I, but the joke was on me.

I thought that this would make him calmer, trust me more, make him feel like he was in control. The bruises of his fingertips around my arms and the bite marks on my shoulders should’ve been enough to pull me out of that ridiculous dream, but at that moment I was on cloud 9.

.
.
.

“Baby, I’m not really in the mood to fight with you about this. I’m really stressed out with this paper. I can’t go out with you today, I need to finish this Dylan.” I explained to him over the phone after trying to ignore his last 5 calls.
“Right, a paper, whatever. I’m coming over, and I’ll help you with that paper of yours.” Before I could protest he hung up, I groaned, flopping back on my bed, the clatter of my phone hitting the ground making me cringe.
×
×
×
“...I just don’t understand why you couldn’t believe me when I told you I was writing a paper over the phone, did you really need to come to check on me?”
He rolled his eyes as he closed my bedroom door, I went back to my original spot on my bed, laying on my stomach as I tried to focus on what I had been writing. He sat down next to me, facing the opposite direction, I could feel him shifting onto his back.
I looked over at him, “I’m sorry baby, I just missed you.” He whispered, I instantly felt guilty, he just wanted to see me.
“It’s fine babe, but I really do need to finish this paper.”

“You won’t even know I’m here,” he smiled, I gave him one in return and nodded, focusing my attention back to the task at hand. After a few minutes, I felt him shift, his head resting on his arm as he faced me, I glanced at him and smiled, he reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear, the back of his hand stroked my cheek as he pulled away. The warmth of his hands always reminded me of the feeling that was being with him, warm and familiar, at least at first. his fingers played with the strap of my shirt, causing it to fall slightly.

“Baby,” I whispered, his touch was far too distracting, shivers ran up my spine every time that he touched me.

“Yes baby,” he mumbled against my ear softly, making me shiver, he placed soft kisses along my neck.

“I seriously need to...” I trailed off as he moved my laptop from my grasp, flipping me on my back.

“You were saying?” he kissed my neck, but finally I push him off.

“Stop, I don’t want to Dylan.” I got off the bed, I was angry, and annoyed.

“What the hell Adelyn, we haven’t had sex in days. What the hell its wrong with you?” He stood up, coming towards me in a way that made me cower, it was no secret he was the dominant one in the relationship.

“I just, I don’t want to Dylan...my body needs a break, I can’t handle it.” Dylan was by no means gentle when it came to sex, nor was he an average size. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was amazing but it takes a toll when you want sex as often as he does.

“You’re so dramatic, you fucking love it.” He shook his head as he finally had me trapped.

“Look at me.” He demanded, his tone was harsh but quiet, I hesitantly met his gaze.
As soon as our eyes connected his hand gripped my shoulder, shoving me against the door. I whimpered as the pressure on my collarbone made me wince.

“Adelyn, this face...” his other hand gripped my face roughly as he continued.
“...is mine, this body is mine. You are mine Adelyn. Understand?” I nodded, a tear slipped down my cheek as he pulled my away from the door and shoved me towards the bed.

“Learn your place Adelyn,” he slammed the door behind him, and he was gone.

It took me far too long to realize that I didn’t owe him anything just because he was my boyfriend, my body was still mine. I could have as much or as little sex as I wanted, my comfort and pleasure were important too and if he actually loved me, he wouldn’t make me feel bad about it.

•••

It’s 3 am and this was all currently going through my head as I went through all the red flags, I wouldn’t let myself forgive him, if not for my sake at least for my friends and family.

Telling someone you love them is the easy part, the hard part is showing them that you love them and proving it to them. He ruined that for me, one simple phrase, probably one of the most common, he turned it into something that I didn’t believe was possible anymore.

I would never admit this to him though because then I would be giving him what he wanted, complete control over every aspect of my life, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was what he craved the most from me. I think that in his own twisted way he probably did love me but it wasn’t my job to fix him.
~
~
~
I sat at my vanity as I finished my makeup, brushing away a stray strand of hair as I checked my phone. There was a missed call from Alex, I called him back, the phone rang a few times before he answered.
“You called?”
“Yeah I just wanted to let you know I’m already at school, I decided to meet up with the guys before so we could hang.”
“Alright, I’ll see you during Physics, love you incase I die.”
“Love you incase I die,” he chuckled before hanging up.
I sighed in content, my brother was one of the most annoying people alive but he was always there for me when it mattered, he cleaner up my messes more than I’d like to admit.
×
×
×
I arrived at school, leaning against my locker as I scrolled through my Instagram. I added back a bunch of people from school, most I didn’t even recognize the name of but it wasn’t like I posted much anyways. As I scrolled I came across a picture from a girl named Tabatha’s account, it looked like a party from what I could tell, red solo cups and napkins littered the ground in the picture, but what had caught my attention was the second picture, it was Tabatha with Kayden.

I felt a tug of jealousy, and then annoyance, why am I jealous? Kayden is single and from what I know, Tabatha is a sweet girl. I shoved my phone into my back pocket and attempted to open my locker, only to fail three times. I groaned letting my bag fall at my feet as I attempted one last time.
“Wow, that sad truly a self-esteem booster,” I finally got my locker open as Alex unlocked his with ease.
“It’s been a rough morning,” I grumbled.
“Yeah well, Reid is looking for you when you get the chance,” I nodded as I threw what I needed in my bag and shut my locker.
“I’ll see you at lunch,” Alex waved as he walked off, catching up to Ceasar who gave me a nod.
I made my way to English, taking a seat next to Chris, he wasted no time in initiating a conversation.

“So there’s going to be a kickback at my place after this Friday’s game, to celebrate our win,”

“Well you haven’t won yet, right?” I questioned, he rolled his eyes as if I had just asked the most obnoxious thing on earth.

“Listen, new girl, we’re going against Southfield High, we haven’t lost a game to the Saints in 3 years, this year isn’t any different.” I nodded, I threw my hands up slightly as if to say ‘sorry I asked’

“So you down?”

“Well, can my friends come?”

“Of course, the more girls the better,” he shot me a smirk before returning his attention to the front of the classroom.

This was my first time going out since I moved here, I just hoped my friends would go with me so I didn’t feel completely out of place.

_

_

“Party? Hell yeah.” Bent nodded vigorously,
“No way kid, juniors and seniors only.” Tony cut in.
“You’re to young to party with the big dogs,” Marcus added, doing that weird guy hand shake with Cameron as they chuckled.

“C’mon guys, I’m ready. My friends already think in the coolest freshman cause I hang with you guys, if I could go to a Senior party, I would be a God to those people.”

“No way, I don’t want to get stuck baby-sitting you all night.” Tony scoffed.

“Maybe the next one Brent, honestly, I might not even go.” I added trying to make him feel a little better.

“Um you’re going, you can say anything about those three idiots but if their good at one thing, it’s throwing a party.” Cameron insisted, everyone else added their voice of agreement and I couldn’t resist.

“Okay, I’ll go.” As soon as I agreed, the conservation turned into what outfits to wear, what liquor to bring and who was gonna drive. I couldn’t hide my excitement, it felt nice knowing I could enjoy myself without feeling like I had to look over my shoulder.

“Hey, what you guys talking about.”
Alex greeted everyone as he set his tray down,
“Hey bro, we’re just talking about Friday nights kickback.” Cameron explained,
“Oh yeah, I’m honestly nervous, it’s gonna be my first game.” Alex expressed his worry in between bites of pizza.
“You’ll be fine, the only thing Southfield’s soccer team is good at, is catching STDs.” Tony said, squeezing Alex’s arm in a comforting manner as everyone laughed.
Alex cracked a smile, letting go of some of his nerves, “So I’ve heard,” he chuckled.
“I just love watching sweaty dudes chase a ball around in the grass for 2 hours,” Madi said sarcastically.
“Hey, I’m one of those sweaty guys now, you could at least pretend to like it.” Alex joked, as the conversation went on my eyes wandered, right over to Chris, Kayden and Tristian.
Christ sent me a wink, Kayden must’ve noticed cause his eyes met mine, I instantly looked away as he stood up.
"Please don’t walk this way... please don’t walk this way...”I whispered to myself.

“What’s up guys, Adelyn” I looked up at Kayden, a big smirk on his perfect, stupid face.

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