I'm walking down the road, thinking of my life. How am I going to cope with myself? Lance is dead. He died from a drug overdose when he went to Sam's party. I told him that he shouldn't go because "illegal things" will be there, and knowing the kind of family he is from, he shouldn't be seen associating with such crowds. But he still refused.
"Sam's been my buddy since childhood. He is leaving the country, at least let me see him once." He said. I told him that there were other ways to see him before he leaves the country, but he still refused, saying that something might come up that will hinder him from visiting him. He pleaded with me to allow him to go and as his best friend, certainly not expecting the worst, I allowed him. What could go wrong I thought. Silly me. He's dead now, so there's nothing I can do. It's all my fault. A so called best friend I am. I kick a stone, and continue my walk home.
I open my eyes and look around the room, trying to figure out where I am.
"Honey? Honey can you hear me?" That's mum's voice. I look for her around the room, and she is right in front of my bed, wearing protective clothing. What exactly happened to me? I find my self thinking. I try to move out of the bed, but I can't move my legs.
"It is okay honey, this is only temporary. Within days, you'll be back on your feet again." That's mum, always reading my mind. But why does she sound depressed?
I enter my house and don't bother to holler which I normally do, that is before Lance died. Ever since that incident, I've been a living corpse. I don't see any reason to live anymore. I loathe myself. My mum wants me to go to a shrink but I refuse because I'm eagerly waiting for my time to come and going to a shrink will slow it down.
"Honey? Is that you?"
"Yeah." My mother comes out to meet me.
" You should at least have hollered when you came in. I was getting worried about you."
"Well, I'm here. There's nothing to worry about." Mum sighs. She hates seeing me this way.
"How was your day?" She asks.
"So So." I overhead her talking to a therapist the other day about my condition. She had the call on speaker so I could hear their conversation. The therapist thought that by asking me about my day and being open with me and showing me love and care, that I will start to have feelings of hope for the future and will also be able to move on. I wish that was true.
"Are you hungry? There is a bowl of lasagna in the microwave."
"Thanks mum." I glance at her and try to give her as close as possible to what I think is an appreciative look, then I climb up the stairs and head to my room.
My mother is not what I'll call perfect, but she always tries her best to be there for me. In most cases, she sacrifices her R&R just to attend to my problems. Although I've never admitted it, but I love her for that. My dad on the other hand is always working, so any news about the family, he hears it during dinner time. When he heard of my problem, he tried to persuade me to go to a shrink. I just laughed it off and changed the topic. I can tell that my dad really is worried for me, but he just doesn't have enough time to sit and talk with me.
My elder brother is in college and I hardly ever hear from him. I only see him during the holidays, but that was enough time for mum to tell him about my condition also. He called me one day and advised me to call Lance's mother, and be a source of strength to her. I owe that to my best friend.
I pick up the phone, about to call Lance's mother, when I hear my name.
"Jade, darling? Your lasagna is ready." I holler a "thanks" as I dial Lance's mother's phone number.
"Mrs Dickson? This is Jade."
" Jade! How nice to hear your voice again. How are you?" This is not what I expected. I expected a sad, sorrowful soul, but I'm hearing a cheerful one instead.
"I'm fine. But what of you? Are you okay?"
"Yes dear, I'm fine. Is anything wrong?"
"I just thought that, since, you know.... Lance's death, that you'll be sad."
"What? Who told you that Lance is dead? Lance is pretty much alive! He is sleeping right next to me even!"