Why is it always dark in these dreams? It's my dream. It's in my head right? So I should be able to control it. But I can't make a change.
"Stay away from me!" I screamed.
Chet was grabbing onto my arms, shaking me. We wrestled. We were in his prison cell, it was all gray and bland. This is the first time I have dreamed about him since Seattle.
We fell onto the floor. He was on top of me, wrapping his fingers around my throat.
"This was all your fault! Everything was your fault!" He screamed as he squeezed.
I strained for air and thrashed and scratched at his face. I could never beat him. Not now, not ever.
When I woke up the first thing I did was take a swing.
"Hey!" Jason's voice yelled. "You're always trying to hit me!"
I groaned and looked at him. "What?" He put his hands on his hips. "What do you mean 'what?' Get up! You overslept."
I closed my eye and rolled onto my side so my back was to him.
"I'm not going." I stated adamantly.
"Why not?" Jason asked.
"Don't feel like it. Don't want to be productive or around anyone." I answered.
I don't want to go to class, don't want to listen to my teachers, don't want to go back and forth to classes, and I most definitely don't want to see Indra or Evie.
"Get over that, Luc. You have another year of school. Now get dressed!" He ordered.
I eventually got up and threw on my clothes from yesterday and kept it moving.
Throughout the day I kept my head down and just carried on in a daze. At lunch I barely pecked at my food. Near the end of fourth block I walked out and headed towards the bathroom.
Someone cleared their throat from behind me. I stopped and turned around.
"Hello Evie. Indra." I greeted the duo. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like they just keep popping up out of no where...
"What do you want with me so badly?" I was a bit curious.
"I mean, I kind of thought you would've moved on by now."
Evie shook her head.
Indra spoke to me. "You are..." He paused. "Significant."
I furrowed my brow. Well, at least he's speaking to me finally. Kind of.
"Thank you?" I was thoroughly confused.
Evie moved her hand a little, gesturing to me. "So...you were, hit?" She asked. I didn't say anything. At least, not until she clarified.
"I mean, abused?"
I scoffed and turned slightly. "Oh jeez-" I shook my head adamantly. "I'm not talking about this here."
"But it's just us." Indra stated.
"You have no idea who could be listening."
Evie sighed and rolled her eyes. "You talk to him."
She pivoted and began to walk away. "I give up."
I gazed at Indra. Something seemed a lot different with him. I can't put my finger on it.
He took a step forward, I took one back. How could I have forgotten? He knows everything.
What will he say? What will I say? What should I say?
I chuckled to myself. "Um... You still look very sexy!"
Bad move Luc. Bad move.
To my surprise, Indra chuckled. He quickly fixed his facial expression, went back to being serious.
"Are you okay now? You...got out?" He questioned.
"Well...yeah." I answered.
I nodded my head.
Indra cocked his head to the side inquisitively. "Were you shot too?"
Guess that's the difference between the two, Indra is straight to the point, Evie just wants to ease into it.
"No I wasn't."
"Were you hurt?" He asked next.
"Yes." Why did I answer that honestly?
That was the only problem I had with him, well being so comfortable with him...crushing... I always told him things!
I stared at Indra, he had this childlike curiousity to him.
"How so?" I'm not getting out of this easily.
"Um," I resisted the urge to touch my face.
"Nevermind. It was nothing." I stated.
"Luc." Indra called.
I waved my hands, "It's nothing. I'm fine!"
"Luc." Indra repeated.
"What?" I groaned.
"Drinking problem?" He questioned with disdain.
"Of course you'd see through it." I thought.
"Shut up!" I snapped and stormed away.
When school let out I walked out the front door, heading for the main road. I was just gonna go for a walk and then go home, but as usual, Jason stopped me.
"Hey!" I called up to Luc. I walked a couple feet behind him.
"The buses are back that way!" I stated, even though I knew he knew that.
Of course, he just kept on walking.
"Luc," I called when I reached him. "You can't go walking."
I put my hands on his shoulders and turned him around, pushing him back down to the school.
He huffed and sat down on a bench.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked him. "You're always trying to get out of going home."
"I don't want to go home." Luc retorted.
I frowned. "Why not?"
Luc shrugged. "That's not an answer." I scolded.
"We're going home," I was putting my foot down. "Get up."
Luc held up his hand and and practically scoffed, "you can't make me."
I looked around. There were people lingering around, waiting for their rides. I knew the buses would be leaving soon and Luc wasn't cooperating.
I lunged, grabbed Luc's wrists and jerked him on to his feet. He growled at me and tried to pull away. I kicked his shin and threw him over my shoulder as he fell over.
What the hell?
He attacked my legs as I walked. His stubbornness is going to be the end of me.
After an hour after dragging Luc into the house I happened upon Dad tidying up his and mom's room.
I'd noticed something about Luc when I carried him and wanted to talk to him about it.
"Dad?" I called.
He turned around. Gee, great. He had Alexandria strapped to his chest in her little carrier thing.
"What's up? How was school?" He asked.
"It was fine." I got straight to my point. "We need to talk about L-U-C."
"Okay... Why?" Dad drawled.
"I think you'd be able to tell alot better than I could." I stated.
"Jason. What's wrong?" He hurried me along.
I leaned forward, covered the side of my mouth and whispered. "He seems a bit light."
"Light?" Dad questioned.
I nodded to confirm.
"I'll check it out."
I handed Alexandria off to Jason before we went downstairs. It was easy to tell he wasn't the one she wanted holding her; she grabbed at his neck aiming for his hair then quickly started fussing.
"We're going to see Luc, Alexandria. Quit fussing." Jason said dryly.
I walked into the living room. "Luc."
He was sitting at the counter resting his head on his hand. He quickly raised up.
"Come over here, please." I said.
He complied and came over, but he stayed a couple feet away from us. I stepped closer to him and looked down on him.
Luc looked up at me with scorn -- almost like he was sizing me up. I ignored it and went into doctor-dad mode.
He looked perfectly healthy. But then again, he did wear bulky clothing.
I reached down and slid my hands under his arms and lifted him up. This is bad; there was no resistance whatsoever.
"What are you doing?" Luc scowled.
"Dad?" Jason called.
Normally a male teenager should weigh 134 pounds, but Luc seemed twenty pounds under. How did we let this slip?
Luc brought his arms up and knocked my arms away. He dropped onto his feet and he quickly pushed me. I lost my balance.
"Don't push him!" Jason snapped.
"Jason." I stopped him. In all fairness I probably shouldn't have just grabbed him like that.
"Sorry, Luc." I started. "When was the last time you ate a full meal?"
"At lunch today." He answered.
Jason jumped in. "That's a lie. You barely touched it."
Luc hissed at Jason.
Well, I wouldn't know what they do at school. I haven't been here enough to see anything, but I do vaguely remember a dinner where he just nibbled on his food. How long has this been going on exactly? Since Kansas? Montanna? Or Seattle? A while, clearly.
I turned to Jason, he was scowling at Luc. Alexandria was babbling and pulling away from Jason as she reached out for Luc.
"Jason grab her before she falls." I said.
He pulled her closer to him.
I looked at Luc. "Luc. Stop skipping meals." I had half the mind to pull up his sleeves or shirt to get a better look, but I know he'd get mad.
Luc frowned. Guess I'll have to watch him closely.
"Hey Jason," I called. "Go put Alexandria in her crib, will you?"
He silently left. I eventually followed.
"What the hells wrong with him?" I thought as I pouted at the counter. "What are they up to?"
Of course I've been eating! The last time I had a full meal was...I poured through my memory....was...it was... I don't know. Oh well, no big deal.
I heard loud footsteps. "Oh Luc!" Jason called.
I turned around thinking "what now?" He entered the kitchen and ran to the refrigerator. I began to ignore him.
I jumped when he slammed a yogurt cup in front of me. I looked at him in confusion. He was smirking.
"Eat it." Was all he said.
I began to leave the counter, "haven't you bugged me enough for one day?"
I turned around and walked away.
"Oh no you don't!" Jason yelled. A spoon flew past my head. What the?
I turned my head. Jason was running towards me. Oh shit. He tackled me into the living room.
He straddled my back side and pinned my arm to my side as he picked up the spoon. I screamed at him.
"You're eating! I don't care if I have to knock you out to get you to." He said adamantly.
I elbowed his thighs. "Don't sit on me like that!" I'm not letting this happen to me again. Get off. Get off. Get off!
"Don't do this," quietly slipped out. Along with Jason's weight, I felt the weight of fear crush me.
The spoon with yogurt piled on top of it entered my eyesight. "Open your mouth." Jason ordered.
My eye went wide. Oh hell. I slipped my arm out from under him and swatted the spoon away.
"Get off of me!" I screeched.
I flipped over and blindly scratched his face.
"Ow!" He held his cheek.
I heard Brian come downstairs. I slid out and scrambled to my feet and quickly fled to my room.
I exhaled and slid down to the floor.
"Ha! I won this time you drunk bastard!" I thought.
At night, Chet and Luc were fighting again -- inside a dream of course.
It was a variety of punches and kicks from Luc, and lazy swings from Chet. When Luc knocked Chet down, he ripped a bar off from the prison cell door, he was determined to win, and started to beat Chet with it. He beat him like he used to beat him. Luc screamed out and cried in anger as he did.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Luc yelled at him.
Chet shot up and slapped Luc away.
Luc lunged. They began to wrestle, loudly knocking things over. Finally the two fell over and Luc was on top choking him.
Luc stared with a dead eye. He gasped deeply and desperately for air as he hit his face and kicked his legs, trying to break out of the choke.
"Luc!" Jeanette yelled when she walked into the room. She flipped on the lights as Brian walked in.
Luc let go as he woke up. He slowly backed away in a daze to the other side of the room as Jason ran out the room wheezing and shrieking.
Jeanette went over to Luc and Brian followed Jason.
"Luc," She shook him a little. "Wake up!"
He snapped out of the daze and quickly backed away from her.
Jeanette held her hands up. "Calm down, you're okay." She soothed him.
Luc looked around the room. His night stand was knocked over. Everything on top of it was on the floor. His face was puzzled.
"Did I-" he started. "Did I hurt Jason?"
"You saw that?"
"Yes." Luc answered stiffly.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He repeated.
"I almost killed him. I could've!" Luc panicked.
"Jason's okay!" Jeanette assured him.
Luc gripped his arms, "you don't know that!" He sounded insane and spoke fast. "He could be in there suffocating on his saliva!"
"That's- Luc, you're panicking. Try to calm down." Jeanette said.
"I can calm down, I can calm down. I can do that right?" Luc rambled. Jeanette slowly nodded. Luc paused and started looking around, then back at Jeanette. He was a mess.
"I don't think I can do that. I don't think I can do that. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. Everything is wrong. Jason is wrong." He rambled loudly.
Jeanette shushed him. "Maybe Jason isn't wrong." She whispered.
"What?" Luc whispered back.
"Let's go check." Jeanette gestured to the bathroom.
She walked out and Luc followed. Jeanette stood at the doorway of the bathroom. Brian sat on top of the counter watching Jason catch his breath. Jason sat on the floor curled up.
"Is he okay?" Jeanette asked.
The two nodded grimly.
Jeanette turned to Luc, smiling. "See?" Luc frowned slightly and eventually poked his head into the bathroom. He pulled back in shame and bit his lip.
"Ugh! Wait up!" Jason groaned loudly.
I moved aside and Jason accidentally ran past me. He backpedalled and I turned down the hallway.
"Just keep walking, Luc." I thought. "He can't talk to you in class."
"Aaand gotcha!" Jason yelled as he grabbed onto me; practically had me in a bear-hug.
I growled and shook out of his grasp. I started walking. "Hey!" He grabbed my wrist and turned me around.
I yanked my hand away. "If you don't quit grabbing me I'll kick your ass six ways to Sunday!"
"Oh yeah? With what muscle?" He taunted as he pat my arms. I knocked his hands away.
"Let's go. The bell's going to ring." I scowled.
"Hey! I'm trying to talk to you!" Jason snapped.
"I know you see me waving at you- wait, no you can't."
He appeared in my peripheral vision waving his hand.
"I'm fine! You don't have to be freaked out." He stated.
When I didn't answer he started talking again.
"I'm alive. I didn't die, you woke up." He stated. I bit the inside of my mouth.
I looked at him. He had three red scratch marks on his cheek.
"You're wearing a turtleneck." I stated. Under that I knew there were swollen red marks shaped as my fingers.
"It's Fall." Jason retorted.
"Turtleneck." I repeated.
"No one knows what happened. They'll just think I'm cold." He said.
We walked into the classroom. Jason sat down at our normal seats. I kept walking and sat down beside a guy on the other side of the classroom.
Jason stood up right as the bell rang. I looked away from him when he sat down in defeat.
When that class ended I scurried out the door and hid in the bathroom until the last minute. I sat away from Jason again.
I stared at my hands. I don't remember it, but I know what happened. The sound of Jason wheezing reverberated in my head. The feeling of his warm throat was glued onto my hands. I'm scared. Am I dangerous?
After class while I was walking through the hallway Jason caught up to me. He walked at my side.
"Will you stop avoiding me and talk to me?" He begged. I -- of course -- didn't answer. "You're going to have to talk to me eventually." I ended up getting ahead of him.
"I'm not going to crumble into a million pieces you know!" Jason shouted at me.
I whipped around in anger and shouted back. "Stay away from me!"
I walked away and left Jason behind.
I heard Luc scream from his room while I was cruising the hallway. I rushed in and he lunged at me.
He grabbed my shoulders as I grabbed his and pushed me against the wall.
"Stop! What are you doing?!"
Luc flung me to the side and slammed me into his nightstand. We crashed down to the floor along with it and the items on top.
He quickly climbed on top of me, like a rabid beast. I was confident I could push him off, but all that got pushed away by fear when he wrapped his fingers around my throat and started squeezing.
I gasped raspily and kicked my legs as I slapped my hands against his neck and face. He stared into my eye with a dead gaze.
The lights flipped on and I heard shouting. Luc's grip loosened and I frantically began to inhale and exhale, all the while fumbling to the bathroom.
I collapsed to the floor wheezing hysterically. I scrambled to sit up and lean against the cabinet.
Eventually I caught my breath. I brought my hands to my neck.
"Did that really happen?" I thought. "I can't stop shaking!" Dad came in and examined me thoroughly. I pushed him away -- I wanted my space after all that.
I looked at Luc as he walked away. I shook my head slowly and mentally reviewed things; the not eating, the choking, the snapping at teachers, the acting out, the avoidance.
"Something's wrong with him."