It has been three weeks since the day Leo forced me into submission but it feels like ages....maybe it’s been ages, I just lost the track of time.
I sat in hunched up position by the window. My knees were drawled up, hugging it by my chest as I rest my face onto my knees staring outside. The sky was clear and the sun was shinny brightly.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting in this position. My mind, my thoughts, my emotions, my senses everything was clouded. I don’t know what to expect from my life anymore. I always wanted to be independent and live my life on my own terms. I wanted fly like a free bird... And fulfill my dreams. And so far my life was moving the right track. Things were going according to my plan.
But everything changed when Leo entered my life and turned it upside down. Leo is a monster and I had made a terrible mistake by bringing his attention on myself. Ever since Leo entered my life, it has been an everlasting nightmare. He was the monster of my nightmares and I couldn’t get away from him. I still regret the day I met him; then I wouldn’t be in so much agony. I wish I was able to go back in time and erase all his memories.
I won’t say my life was perfect before Leo had came. No it wasn’t anywhere near perfect .... It was far far away from perfect but this is something I can never tolerate. I held back the tears as I thought how different my life would’ve been if Leo hadn’t kidnapped me.
I tried not to think about it, seeing I’ve been so focused on survival. I knew I would have to do everything Leo wants, because when it come to Leo, I knew that death was a certainty.
My blood ran cold everytime I think of horrors he had inflicted upon my body and soul. There is so much he had done to me, and so much he could do to me. it is better for me to keep silent and let him do want he wants. So, I follow his every spoken command like an obedient girl. Though I desperately wanted to run and never come back here I knew I couldn’t do that. Running away wasn’t an option. I knew the consequences already. Leo has instilled fear in me of more things than I count.
Life isn’t all that easy, I though I was brave; I was told I was brave but I am not. I squeezed my eyes shut. I feel pathetic....I hate it ... I hate myself from being week. God knows how much I yearn for freedom. Will I ever be able to get away from him? The feeling of hopelessness and vulnerability sunk its fangs into me.
It was all his fault that I was falling deeper into distress, I just wanted out and the light that I once felt just wasn’t there anymore.
A sudden knocking on the door interrupted my train of depressing thoughts, bringing back to reality. I frowned, wandering who would visit at this time?
I walked to the door and opened the door, I had guessed it was the maid but to my surprise, it wasn’t the maid but Elena standing in front of me with a warm smile on her beautiful face.
What is she doing here?
She was dressed as if she was ready to go for a magazine photo-shoot. Brown hair styled to perfection, straight nose, with flawless skin, glossy brown eyes, straight nose, and thin lips, Elena looked perfect as always.
“I hope I am not interrupting you”
“No, no” I said offering a small smile.
“Actually I wanted to talk with you”
“Oh! I’m so sorry, please come on in” I pushed open the door. She slipped inside and I closed the door, wandering what she wanted to talk to me about.
“You have a nice room ” She said as I watched as she made her way over onto the couch and sat, her leg raised and folded beneath her.
“Thank you” I said as I settled myself across her. A uncomfortable silence fell upon us. It was heavy and potent. I don’t know how long we stayed like that. I cleared my throat trying to get comfortable.
“So what is it that you wanted to talk about?”
She seems to be hesitant about something. As if she wanted to say something but decided to refrain from it.
“You can say whatever you want, I won’t mind” I assured her. She gave me a grateful smile, but like all of her smiles lately, this one wasn’t reaching her eyes. She was trying to look strong.
“I guess Leo must have told you .... I can’t have kids” The raw pain in her voice broke my heart.
“I’m sorry” Was all I able to say.
“It’s okay Grace, it’s nobody’s fault. It’s just my faith. You don’t have to feel bad for me. I have learn to live with it.” I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I nodded wordlessly.
“Anyways that’s not what I came here to talk with you” She said changing the topic to which I was really grateful for.
“I know it’s not any of my business and I didn’t mean to be noisy. I am just so excited about the baby.... I can’t help” She said, curiosity shimmering in her brown orbs.
“Baby?” My brows scrunch together and my face slightly twist in confusion, having no idea what she’s talking about.
“What about it?” I asked again, not actually understanding what was she trying to say.
“Y-You don’t know?” There was a genuine surprise and nervousness in her voice.
“What do you mean I didn’t know?” Would she ever give me a clear answer?
“I’m sorry I thought Leo had already told you” I listened to each and every word attentively, trying to figure out the meaning behind her words
“Told me what?” She was starting to irritated me now.
“That.. huh, Uh...Yours and Leo’s baby” I blink deliberately trying to grasp what she had said. It was totally unpredictable, unexpected, came as a surprise.
What does she mean by my and Leo’s baby?
Relation hit me like a ton of bricks. Oh god how can I not think about it before.... How did it not cross my mind. Leo never bothered to use protection nor he gave me any pills. That mean I must be pregna- . No, no it can’t be.
“Grace?” I realized that I had stopped responding
“You must be mistaken .... I am not pregnant.. No , I can’t be” I stated furiously shaking my head
“No, no you are not pregnant..”
“Then what do you mean?”
“You are not pregnant .... b-but Leo want you to have his kid and he was going to talk with you about it. I though he must have told you but looking at you I can tell you had no idea ” He want me to have his kids? Is this the reason he refused to let me go? Anyone would have giving him kid, if that what he wanted and that to willingly.
“If he only wanted a kid then he could have it with anyone... Why me?”
“To be honest with you I really don’t know, why he chose you..... Leo was supposed to be married to my small sister but he broke the marriage at the last moment” My eyes widen. Leo was going to marry her sister?
“W-What? Leo was g-going to marry your sister?” I couldn’t help but shutter.
“And you were okay with that?”
“Yes why will I not be....The only purpose of my life is to serve Leo. That is what I was told and taught from the day I was born. And this was the best decision for everyone.... If not my sister then there would be someone else” Is she crazy? How can she be okay with this? This is craziness.
“This is wrong. How can you be okay with it?... A woman’s worth should be based on whether she can have a kids or not”
“Look Grace, I understand this is too much for you to take in but this is how things goes around here and it’s not going to change for anyone.” It was horrifying to see how okay she was with all this. How can anyone be okay with any of this? This is so messed up.
I was just lost on my thoughts when another terrifying thought came across my mind. How can I be not pregnant? All this month we were having unprotected sex.... I should have been pregnant by now.
“How am I still not pregnant? A-Are you saying I also can’t have kids”
“God no ... you are perfectly healthy”
“Then how am I not pregnant yet?” I asked confused
“I use to add contraceptive pills on you meal”
“W-What?” Why would she do that if they wanted a child from me?
“You were still at the stage of denial and I was worried Leo might have hurt you and the baby if incase you were pregnant. You know how bad his temper is.” Of course I know, I have suffered so much because of that “You were not ready, I had no option but to convince Leo to gave you some time. It was really hard to make Leo understand but he eventually gave in” She further added
I’m at a loss of words, stunned as I stare back at her. It was one of those surreal moments where you just become too still and could hardly move or speak because you don’t know how to react. She was lying, she had to be. There was no way these people were going to use me for their own selfish reasons and there was no way, I was going to let them use me.
“And you agreed? Just like that?!” I asked, bewildered.
“It for the best, we will get a heirs and you can have your freedom...Isn’t that you always wanted? It’s a fair deal, just think about it” Fair deal? What the hell is wrong with this woman? How can she act like this all is normal. I have never seen this side of her.
“How can you act like this is not a big deal? Are you crazy? What do you mean by fair deal? I never though you are so shelfish?” I ranted accusingly. I was beyond angry to the point my throat burns, that familiar burn when you try to hold back your tears. Even though I wanted to cry, I forced my emotions back.
“I think it time for you to go” I said before she could say anything.
“Please help yourself outside” I told her, effectively ending the conversation before turning my head to the other side.
“I’m sorry” She said before I heard her walking away
I’m left with a million thought in my head. I was still shocked by the sudden turned of events. I couldn’t wrapped my mind to the revealing information. Elena’s words kept echoing in my mind. The more I thought about what she’d said, the more I realized that it sort of did make sense I was feeling like a complete and utter mess.
This is too much for me. But one thing was for sure I won’t let the history repeat itself. I refuse to bring an innocent soul into Leo’s cruel world and let him/her go through the same thing what I had gone from. Never.. I will never let that happen.
If only Leo was a normal guy with a normal guy with a normal job and not a ruthless killer_ maybe I would have liked him. No matter how much I hate to admit ... I was really attracted to him the first time I saw him. Actually who wouldn’t be, he was gorgeous! And not even a regular kind.
But he is a monster lurking underneath his façade. I have seen what he is capable of doing. He has power and doesn’t have a heart. There are definitely no limit for him.
A dark cloud has been looming over me ever since Elena’s confrontation. I genuinely couldn’t focus on anything. They left me with a blizzard of emotions.
I was absorbed in my sadness when, the door swing opened, and I just knew that it was Leo who had entered. I gazed at the man who was responsible for all my troubles. The man who destroyed me in every possible way he could.
Without acknowledging me whatsoever, he padded into the bathroom. His heavy footsteps fading with every numbered beat of my heart.
I tried to keep my tears at bay but upon seeing him, a warm tears rolled down my cheeks, scaling slowly down my jaw and then neck. I curse my sensitive heart for being weak. I quickly wiped my tears with my hands and took a couple deep breaths, trying to get my breathing back to normal.
I didn’t knew how to addressed this subject with Leo. I also knew bringing up this would piss him off but I had to. I was exhausted truly, I can’t keep up with his constant abuse and now he wants a child from me.
I was waiting for Leo to come out from the bathroom. With every minute that passed, my heart grew restless and the tension clawing my inside made it difficult for me to breathe. After a few minutes, the door of the bathroom opened and my heart pounded in anticipation. Leo walked over to the closet and re-enter the bedroom within few minutes. He had on sweat pants and was shirtless. His fingers furiously tapping on the phone screen.
I very well was aware it was now or never, I had to talk with him. Taking a deep breath, and gathering every last drop of confidence I finally spoke.
“There is no way I’m giving you a baby” I stated coming straight to the point. My voice sounding much more confident than I had expected it to sound. Leo abruptly stops his tying and gazes in my direction. His eyes shot up in surprise before he quickly hides it and return his attention back to his phone.
“You don’t have a fucking choice” He says so simply, as if he hadn’t crushed my spirit in the span of three seconds. His nonchalant demeanor irritatingly provoking.
“I am a human being, not some dog” My anger was shadowing my fear. My fear become fuel to my anger as my hands curl into fists against my cotton dress and I have a sudden urge to punch him right on his noise and change the geography of his face
“You are whatever I say you are. If I say you are my dog, the you are my dog. You have no say in it. My words are law and people obey the law if they don’t want to piss me.” His insouciance does nothing put push me further into acting out of character ... forgetting his lesson.
“I obey no such law” I girt out each word slowly. I felt a strong sense of rebellion inside of me.
He pinned me with his piercing gaze. “Well, I hope you change your preference soon. I own you now, and you do as I say. That’s the only law you need to understand,” My blood boiled and I feel my face heating up with suppressed rage.
“You’re sick in the head, Leo” My voice is thick with emotion, with anger. How dare he? “And you’re delusional if you think I want anything to with you let alone bear you child.”
He’s quite the sight right now, composed but teetering on the edge. I can tell by the sight twitch in his left eye. “I would watch what you say to me” Leo says, voice calm yet firm, daring me to test him. All that mettle and tat strong façade I had illustrated just a few minutes back went in vain. My heart was pounding, but I willed myself to calm. I took a breath, attempting to be brave. I knew I was foolish for arguing with Leo, but I just couldn’t stop.
“I hate you” I emphasized each word, meaning it with clear distaste. I knew this would trigger him and as expected his face suddenly took on an incredulous look at my words, I knew he did not like what I just said.
Leo marched over to here to where I was standing. He stood inches from me, so close I could see every pore in his face but I didn’t look away. I can’t.
“The fuck did you just say. I didn’t hear you” It was clear I’ve struck a nerve, crossed a line. His tone and face says it all but I wasn’t having it. I was tired of his ordering. He already have snatched everything from me. Leo stared at me long and hard, but I didn’t back down and maintained eyes contact with him
“I hate y-” Then, with speed I couldn’t register, Leo had his hand wrapped around my neck, cutting off my oxygen supply. I gasped and tried to pry his fingers away but my efforts proved futile. He tightened his grip, making it impossible for me to breathe.
“How dare you-” His tone deadly “-say that? I will kill you” I’m suffocating and I’m at his mercy
“L-Leo.. I can’t breath-h” If it was possible, Leo tightened his hold on me, locking me in his grip. He pushed me down on the bed, and splayed his body on top of me, effectively trapping me.
His eyes had gone dark, looking more like the color of coniferous trees as fury sparked in them. I dug my nails in his hand, hoping he would let me go but nothing seemed to faze him. Leo was too strong; his body felt like a granite slab on top of me_ crushing me
“L-Leo, p-plea-se” My ear are ringing and I feel like my head might just explode. I could feel the life flying out of my body as I relentlessly. Darkness begun to color the edges of my vision, and I knew it would soon take over. Just when my eyes roll back and I become absolutely sure that he might actually choke me out_ his grip loosens immensely.
I inhale greedily, my lungs burning at the sudden intrusion of oxygen and I cough violently as consequence. I gently rubbed my neck to ease the pain as I sat up. My neck screamed in pain as tears rapidly spill out the corners of my eyes. Dizziness swam at the edge of my vision but I force myself to remain conscious.
Maybe I should have tried to talk with him in a civil way rather then letting my anger get best in me. No matter how scared I was, a small part me still refused to give up. I have to make him understand that I can’t give him what he want.
I dangle my legs to the side of the bed before I standing up and slowly moving towards him. A big part of me still didn’t understand why I was still making an effort because trying to dissuade Leo was impossible. Once Leo decided something it was impossible to dissuade him. I knew he would get what he wanted from me with or without my consent. But I wanted act on the little hope that was left.
Leo lethal gaze following my every move. I stood a few feet away from him. I couldn't help but feel like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
“L-Leo please don’t do this. I can’t-” My sentence is cut off before I can finish. The pain, the whirl of my vision, the deafening sound of the smack. My head whips to the side with such a force my neck tweaks a little. My cheek burns, furiously..... prickling with searing heat.
My chest heaves, gaze burning into the floor until he clasp my jaw roughly, turning my face to meet his charcoal gaze fiercely. He’s stone still, he doesn’t even blink. He is so furious.
“You just don’t fucking learn, do you? You keep testing my patience over and over. Now, I am beginning to think that you like pushing my buttons” Leo tightened his grip on my jaw so tightly it took everything in me not to cry out
“Remember these words, Grace because I am telling you for the first and last time....Accept it or not, but you will bear my seed. The sooner-” His index finger taps the side of my forehead. “-you get that through your thick skull of yours, the better. Do you understand?” Knowing he would never listen to me I nodded. Refusal would only make him angry
“Words use your words”
“Y-Yes” I rasp borderline in audibly, holding back a wince and the tears that marge in my waterline.
“I’ve been nothing but patient with you. So stop trying to fucking push me because my patience with you has run out.” He releases me “I mean it”
“I’m sorry” Was all I dared speak at the moment. Not sure what he was planning next, I silently prayed that he would just leave me alone.
Leo exhaled loudly. He shut his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose, looking frustrated. Leo didn’t say anything. His sudden silence made me wonder what was going inside of his head. I tried my best to shrink into myself, to make myself as small as possible.
“Shh, quiet, not a single sound” Leo’s words were deceptively soft, but I sensed the underlying threat in them. His words clearly stated that if I dared to make a sound I would have to face serious consequences.
“Strip” His command sliced through my soul with a force of whip.
“But-” He cut me off before I could argue
“Are you disobeying me?” He feather twisted in that of irritation. Leo seemed to have no regards for my transparent expressions.
The serious expression on his face told me there was no changing his mind. Fighting and resisting him was not an option as that would enrage him more.
My trembling hands rose to the hem of the shirt I’m wearing, clutching the hem as tight as possible, I lifted up without any kind of finesse. Tears burned my eyes as I prepared my body for the agony it was no doubt about to endure. I trembled at the though alone. I knew this was going to be a very long night.