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My Love


I want to apologize. I know I don't owe you anything, just like you don't owe me. We stood at the precipice of our relationship together and decided (again together) to take a step back and not jump. Our romantic ties we severed by mutual consent.

But what about our friendship? As your friend, I feel I let you down. And for that I apologize. I left. And no phone calls, emails, skype time can make up for the fact that I left you - alone. Even though I know how you hate to be alone.

We had more than the fragmented pieces of our love; we were closer than the months of our relationship. We were years of working side by side, of girls' nights out, of furtive glances and touches years before we let anything happen. That was you and me, that was what we build on.

The basement of our relationship is still there and every time we talk we go down there, like two mischievous teens, sitting in the dark, holding hands. With you I am safe. We don't think to thank each other for that place we can go to, we don't think to even acknowledge that it exists. Like if we go there, we go back to the love place, the kissing place, the tender and passionate sex place.

But we are more than that. We are friends. I am your friend. And if you need to talk, I'm here. I'm sorry for not making this clear enough in the past. I see you with our old friends, I see you connecting, but never quite revealing what affects you most. I'm the person you were able to tell in the past, and you have not lost that. I'll always be here.

I love you. I cherish the fleeting moments when I still desire you. I will never be completely over you. But I stand to our decision, and I stand by you.

If this is altogether too dramatic, if you think I must've lost my mind, keep in mind that I'm far more prone to bouts of theatricality than you are, my level-headed love. I see you smiling and putting this letter away, not destroy it like I want you to do. But I see that you're reassured by my words, I feel the love that still connects us and I know you do too.

Take care and call me if you need to. I'll always be sitting in the dark with you,


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