Shadows In Sunlight
How did we meet? I hadn’t liked you at first; I know that much. Now I remember, and my first thought was, “What an obnoxious jerk.” These days, however, you would never guess I had ever thought so. Nowadays, Aniike, you’re an important person to me, one of my closest friends. I don’t know if we’ll always be like this. As time goes by, people change, and once close friends can drift apart. Perhaps, one day we’ll be nothing more than strangers with mutual memories. When that day comes, I’ll accept it and move on with my life, but for now, while you’re still here, I will enjoy being your friend at the full potential. For the day when we go our separate ways, I wrote you a letter so you will never forget me, and I can say ‘I tried my best’ at the end.
The sunlight streaming in through the window brings to her attention the dust particles floating through the air. Dancing aimlessly on the rays of sunlight, not unlike the scattered thoughts in Amelia’s head. I finished the first part, er, well the introductory side note part, but . . . what to do with the actual letter? “Ugh,” an exasperated groan escaping her lips. She was stuck.
Slumping down, with her head thrown back in the chair, Amelia closed her eyes, soaking up the warmth the sun had to offer. Tch, stuck Lia? Stop overthinking every damn thing. Just close your eyes and write. Amelia’s eyes flew open and disoriented, she tried to get up, only succeeding in taking a single step, before collapsing in an ungainly heap at the foot of her chair.
Head against the bed, eyes shut tight, she waited for her heart rate to return to normal before cursing herself. What the heck is wrong with me? Amelia, get a grip already. For god’s sake. Hands buried in thick, ebony locks, Amelia focused on breathing. She wasn’t so focused, for the creak of her door being swung open, to startle her.
“What are you doing?” The sounds of footsteps thudding closer. “I have a headache, can’t you tell?” Amelia huffed, hiding her scare behind a mask of annoyance. “You’re dumb,” Stella muttered.
Why is she here? Why now? Of all the times. Typical, she chooses now to come. Younger sisters are the absolute worst. “Is there a reason you’re in my room, Stella?” Amelia asked, careful to keep the steadily increasing annoyance out of her voice.
Oblivious to her sister’s growing irritation, Stella flopped onto the bed, with a careless, “Aren’t you the bossy love-the-sound-of-her-own-voice loser. You know, the one who was screaming for me?”
Screaming? Love the sound of my own voice? Bossy? This girl, somehow. She makes it sound like I’m an egotistical witch! Does anyone else suffer this way? “Get off my bed,” Amelia grounded out. “I called you, gently, 3 hours ago, and it was to help me surprise mom.”
Shaking her head, Amelia absently wound a loose string around her finger, “It’s mom’s birthday today. Was it so bad, I wanted to do something nice for once?”
Glaring, “You’re so stupid. What makes you think mom would care?” Stella questioned.
What is wrong with her? I really don’t understand. And for the one-millionth time, I’m the only elder sister, no eldest kid, in the entire world who gets bullied by their younger siblings. I suppose Stella was always closer to mom than I ever was. “I don’t think it wou- Hey!” Amelia cut off midsentence. “ -Quit throwing things at me.”
Stomping her feet, Stella shot a, “You’re the worst sister in the world. I hate you,” as she stormed out.
What did I do? Amelia wondered to herself, watching her sister’s retreating form. She hadn’t come in here looking for a fight, Amelia realized with sudden clarity. Crap, maybe I am the worst sister in the world.
Head against her knee, arms hugging her leg close to her body, Amelia closed her eyes and reflected. She thought of the past. And there, just barely, she heard the ghost of laughter carried on the wind. Her lips lightly curved upward as a few unwanted tears travelled a hot trail down her cheek. I’m losing my mind. “Hmm, and you’ll just accept that?” A voice whispered in the back of her head.
Hands curled into fists, jaw terse, Amelia stood up, wrapped in self-loathing for her patheticness, her anger consuming her.
The note in her neat, elegant hand, still lying where she left it.
Right, the letter. Aniike’s letter. What is wrong with me. Rooted in place, hardly noticing the nails biting into the palm of her hand. I should get my erratic behaviour in check if I want to keep his company.
“You would hate me. I don’t like it when people hate me.” The whispered words echoing in her empty room. The anger was gone as quickly as it came, leaving her feeling hollow and void inside.
What would he say if he knew? Would he still look at me the same? Would he continue to care about me? Would he still value me? Am I a liar for hiding the ugly parts? A peal of bitter laughter is wrenched from her throat at the irony in her words. I want to hold on to him for as long as possible, yet, I am unwilling to trust him. What relationship can survive on lies? Every relationship needs trust to survive and function.
The smooth blank paper lay untouched, her pen beside it. A black notebook surfaced, as well as lines filled with violet-coloured ink in a tidy scrawl. Pain clawed at her heart through the memory. The cold, callous words still hurt, no less than the day they were said. The sun’s warmth caught on her arm, and through her pain, she marvelled at how the world went on despite her inner turmoil.
The sun continued shining warm and cheerfully. The birds went on flying and chirping noisily. The sky remained clear and bright.
Isn’t this the part where it gets cloudy and depressing outside? Maybe even drizzling a little? Her eyes once again are drawn to the note she had written earlier. “No more. Never again.” Her lips set in a grim line, she turned to leave.
She glanced back once more, a contemplative look on her face, before stepping back and tucking the note in her math textbook. Satisfied, she left. The door clicking shut softly behind her.