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Discoveries While Freezing

I’m cold. And I want a nice steaming cup of tea. Hmmm, hot chocolate works too. The clock above the fireplace read 11:20. Aside from the lo-fi playing, the house was silent. It’s so cold tonight, but finally, finally, I can work in peace.

Amelia picked up her pen to begin writing but put it down right after to press her cold fingers against her neck. “I’m so cold.” She shivered. Her hands met and moved up the back of her scalp, tangling in her hair. In little time, her hands were warm, and her head was massaged. Looking down at her feet, however, Amelia blew an exasperated breath. After some tugging and pulling, twisting and maneuvering, she was finally comfortable.

“Ugh.” Amelia groaned, her breath cold. I probably should have grabbed that hot beverage before I got settled. Finally got my feet more or less warm, and now my hands are cold again. How am I supposed to write a letter if I’m freezing?

It had been a week since she has seen her second-best friend. Amelia had decided she was done procrastinating and had sat down at the coffee table in the living room when everyone else had gone to bed. It may be chilly, but now is the only time I can write a letter. Unfortunately, my brain’s on vacation. Now, of all times.

Her head resting on her hand as she tried to think, Amelia glanced outside, and her mind drifted. I’m so cold and empty inside. What does it matter if I’m freezing on the outside as well? I’m a creature made of snow and ice. Amelia shook her head in disbelief at her train of thoughts. Guess I’m princess Winter having hallucinations right now, except I can’t blame mine on lunar sickness. Light laughter bubbled out of her at the thought. Hmmm, must be really tired or something.

Stifling a yawn, she straightens the unwritten sheets. Trying to compose her letter, she fiddled with her pen. Feeling annoyed, however, Amelia threw it at the paper. Her irritation increasing when noticing the page remained as before.

Pretty sure if I did that any other time, not wanting the paper damaged in any way, then there would be a wrinkle or something. Amelia narrowed her eyes at it. Did Marissa Meyer ever feel this way when she was writing the Lunar Chronicles? “What am I doing?” Amelia moaned. “Forget about a series, I’m not even writing a book, only a letter, and I haven’t even written a single word.” Oh wait, I can fix that.

Feeling pleased with herself, Amelia smoothed the paper once again before leaning over and carefully penning down, “Dear Aniike.” There. I have not only written a word; I have written two. Amelia smiled at the paper in satisfaction.

As with her earlier annoyance and frustration, her feelings of satisfaction quickly began fading as well. Back to cold and numb, both inside and out. Unsure of her feelings, only aware that the lack of emotions felt worse in a way she couldn’t explain, Amelia gently put the sheets of her letter aside. “I won’t be getting any more words on those papers tonight.” She sighed with resignation, and chanting softly, “Please, no paper cuts,” pulled out another paper.

Resting her head on her arm, Amelia rapidly flicked the pen, back and forth, between her fingers. Only one thing was on her mind, memories of someone she didn’t want to remember. Usually, this meant an emotion of some sort, but for once, nothing.

Sliding the paper closer, Amelia picked up the pen and scrawling the thoughts and emotions in her head, soothed the aching emptiness inside. She thought of him and that fateful moment. Her pen flew.

“Oh, my heartless beloved.

Do you know the anguish concealed beneath my loving gaze?

Would you care if you knew?

Would the harsh edges of your handsome face ever soften with compassion?

Will your cold eyes ever thaw with heated emotion?

Do you know the enormity of that moment?

Your name is carved into my heart with the blade of your kindness.”

A few hot, bitter tears splashed on her hand as the memories behind these lines cleared away the numbness that was encasing her heart. Hastily wiping her eyes, Amelia glanced at the clock. Nearly 3. I spent more time than I realized. Looking back at the lines she had scribbled, a sad smile touched the corner of her mouth. I suppose I did gain something aside from pain. I have discovered my inner poet.

Hmmm, this poem thing has some potential, I think. Maybe I should complete it and see where it goes. Amelia’s teary eyes drifted back to the messy lines. I don’t know, too tired and emotionally exhausted. If I do, though, I don’t think it would be difficult. I already know how the next few paragraph parts will go. Deciding to call it a night, Amelia carefully folded and tucked away the beginnings of her first poem. Putting away her stationary, she flipped off the lights and headed up.

As she was walking in the darkness, Amelia wondered where her inner voices went. Usually, at least one would have chimed in by now. Nonononono. Hell no, no ideas. Huffing out a weary breath, Amelia muttered to the silent house, “I never learn, do I?” Every horror movie villain, or scary entity Amelia could imagine, began assaulting her mind. Why do I always do this? I see it’s dark, so what do I do? Imagine the creepy killer clown or the evil lady from The Grudge. Or the one from Rings . . . or dead bodies that plan on dragging me under the bed. “Sometimes, I question whether I’m sixteen or five,” Amelia mumbled to herself in response to her imagination.

Amelia regretted wondering about the voices. As she climbed into bed, she heard the one she liked least. “So you’re a poet now, Lea?” Leave me, I’m tired. She pulled the covers over her shoulder, yawning. Imagine if people knew I had convo’s in my head. Tired and feeling emotionally unstable, she brushed those thoughts aside and fell into a deep slumber not long after.

Sipping tea and basking in the sun’s warmth, Amelia glared out the window. Make up your mind, is it fall or summer? Dear weather, if you were a person, I would have killed you already. Last night it felt like winter, now it feels like summer. Last I checked, it’s autumn.

“AMELIAAAA.” Amelia turned her attention from the window to blink at her youngest brother. “Tanya’s calling.” He came bounding down the stairs, making a huge racket. Nearly tripped over his toy truck but caught himself in time and crashed into their 3-year-old sister, before arriving out of breath, in front of Amelia, holding their mom’s phone. Upon which he dumped it unceremoniously into her lap and took off before she could ruffle his hair. Amelia picked up the phone and held it to her ears as she fondly watched him run, seemingly tirelessly.

“Mimi, hi, what are you doing?” Chuckling at her friend’s enthusiasm, she responded with, “I’m thinking it’s sad children are doing the Naruto run because they saw it on a TikTok video.”

Amelia hit speakerphone and rested it on the table. “No. You’re not serious.” Hearing Tanya’s gasp of outrage on the other end had Amelia smiling over her cup. A love for anime was just one of many commonalities the two shared.

That’s how we first became friends. He read books and watched anime too. The recollection, warming her on the inside. Any shyness or dislike was forgotten. I talked non-stop about anime and books. Looking at the coffee table, Amelia remembered the previous night. Letter. Still need to work on that. Maybe I’ll mention anime. Nope, can’t do. He found me annoying then. Definitely don’t want to bring that up.

“Mimi, Mimi, Mimi.” Tanya’s excitement interrupted Amelia’s thoughts. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with as much life and enthusiasm as Tanya. Some find it annoying, but I sincerely hope she never changes. “Yes, Tanya?” She answered affectionately. “Open the door.”

Abandoning the phone and her tea, Amelia dashed to the door, turned the lock and flung it open. There, just stepping foot on the stairs, was Tanya grinning wildly.

Although they had seen each other just the day before, they greeted each other like long lost friends. Amelia’s siblings watched the girls in disbelief. “Love how I didn’t have to explain or anything. Just open the door, and instantly you know,” Tanya said, laughing in delight.

Amelia was beaming. Perfect. Everything’s better when Tany’s around.

Grabbing Amelia’s arm, Tanya tugged her upstairs. “C’mon, your fairy godmother has arrived. Since I’m here, I’ll pick out the perfect outfit for the field trip.” I got lucky when it came to my best friend. No one else has a best friend as awesome as mine. “You’re a lifesaver, Tanya.” Tanya winked. “We both know you’ll kill yourself worrying over what to wear.” Amelia only laughed.

And so the day was spent, choosing outfits and preparing for the trip. Then working on assignments and projects together while catching up with the latest in the others’ life. The letter, forgotten till bed. Oh well. There is a tomorrow.

That solved, Amelia was about to close her eyes when a tendril of anxiety slipped into her heart. You know what? I’ll set a deadline. Finish the letter before his birthday.

Satisfied, Amelia drifted off to sleep, where the sounds of laughter and voices carried on a ghostly wind played throughout her dreams.

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