Calling Out My Name
“This is new,” Says the goth teen as he steps into room 312 for detention. “I don’t usually see the victim in jail. What’d you do?” He takes a seat beside the squealer from the library.
“Weeell, if you must know,” He starts rather dramatically. Seems to be this kids M.O. “I was casually telling a friend about what happened, the teacher overheard, and decided that I should tell the principal; and for some reason, the jerk thought I should spend some time cooling my heels in the slammer since technically I did start the fight. Exact justice, I guess.”
“Tch. Warped sense of a justice system.”
“What are you complaining about? This should be every bullies dream, now you can follow me home and kick my ass anytime you please.”
Shoving his earphones into his earholes, Yakusoku tunes the world out and takes himself someplace else by staring out the window. It was around the fourth song that his cellmate tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. He saw no sense in ignoring him since he knew the boy would only keep at it, so removing one bud he asks.
“What are you listening to?” He asks.
“Duh. Who is it?”
“You wouldn’t know ’em.”
Thinking the boy says. “You’re right, I don’t know them.”
Yakusoku shrugged and returned to his private listening. He should have known it wouldn’t end there, and once again he felt a tap on his shoulder. “What now?”
Ludwig shrugged. “What’s your name?”
“I don’t remember saying that I wanted to pick up any strays today, so fuck off.”
“Never said I wanted to be your friend, I just wanna know your name.”
“So you can moan it while you jerk off?”
“Shut up, asshole.”
Yakusoku snickered when after two more songs that seemed to have been enough to back Ludwig off. He even switched his seat to somewhere in the back of the room. Yakusoku enjoyed the rest of his detention, as he often does. What’s another hour in school doing nothing? When the bell rang, he walked out of the room but felt a sense that he was being followed. He refused to look over his shoulder. He would not be that guy, so he instead walked on home, music blaring in his ears, eyes to the ground with his head slightly down.
He felt himself wishing for it again. He felt it every time he was alone. Every time the memory crept up. Being frozen. Being molested. He wanted it... deep down he wanted it so badly... he wanted to die. He wanted to be walking along like he is now, and he wanted to cross a street without looking. To have a car hit him, as they do so many other people, and just... die. No one understands his pain. How could they? It's humiliating. And if he were to tell anyone, they’d all say the same thing “Are you kidding man, I’d freakin' love to have sex all day. Some girl riding my dick like she’s possessed”.
The teen felt his hands scrunching into a fist. He could just punch something! Clark said he had a type, he was damned right about that. That nutty bitch Maria disappeared, never to be seen again, leaving him with no way to get his revenge. No way to ‘exact justice’, as that masochist Ludwig had put it.
So yeah, like a hound dog, he’s sort of been seeking out these blue-eyed blonde’s with little breast to fuck around with. Hearing them whimper in pain is sort of theraputic for him. Even if it's not Maria, it's the same type, and in the right lighting, he can almost imagine it. He’d actually laughed when Natasha Townsend bled a bit; she was a virgin. How was he to know that before he shoved into her all hard, and hardly prepared?
It wasn’t about getting off. It was about getting away. The more pain he caused, the closer he was to feeling better about the whole thing. Sick way to think, he knows it. But it's working... working until he gets alone that it. Then its... ‘Cut yourself, Yakusoku’ or ‘Hangman, anyone?’ his most recent whisper seems to be, ‘knife to the heart, bleed out faster from the thigh. Your choice’.
It was as if someone was saying these things to him, rather than his thinking it. Guess that’s how suicides are possible. You just hear voices so much that you start to lose the idea that you don’t want to die. Easier to give in, than to tune out. It's how he’s been living for the past year nearing 2. Give in to the pain, rather than carry on like it's fine.
“Watch it!” He heard the voice after getting jerked violently back onto the curb.
The car that almost took his life away honked angrily at him but kept on driving. A hit-and-run kind of driver, no doubt. What a way to go. Looking for his savior, Yakusoku half smiled seeing his little brother Ai standing behind him, but quickly put it away. New Yakusoku is too cool for idiotic little brothers.
“My hero,” he said before turning the music up louder and continuing across the street.
“That’s it? You were almost killed!”
Is what he assumed his brother said because all Yakusoku hears is the sweet sound of rock music blaring in his ears. Now these people know some hard lives. They’d understand how fucked up it was. How wrong it was. And they’d write a song about it, bashing the bitch and any crazies like her.
“Shouldn’t you be at home already? School was out an hour ago?” He says when seeing Ai at his side.
“Duh. Middle school doesn’t get out until 3. Why are you still on the streets?”
“Should have known... Yaku’... really, come on. This new you is too much.” His brother says after tugging an earpiece free. “What’s gotten into you? What’s changed?”
Yakusoku looked at his little brother, his face was so sincere and wanton for his older brother to act like himself again, it was gnawing at him. But he couldn’t tell him. Not Ai. Not a twelve-year-old. Shaking his head he muttered, “Fuck it” then started off in the opposite direction. He’s going to Gev’s house for a while.
Walking along as casually as possible, Yakusoku doesn’t glance over his shoulder; he knows that Ai is still watching him. His little brother cares about him, a little too much honestly. If he’d just give up their former relationship, Yakusoku’s being like this now wouldn’t hurt as much. Hell, he’s forgotten about his relationship with his former friends. It was hard to, though, the first year anyway. Every morning he’d see Enid leaving for school and she’d be walking to the very same bus stop he is, or they’d both be walking the path to school at the same time. Sometimes the other guys would join in her walk, other times it’d be just him.
He knew why sometimes it was just He on the trails, and that’s because Enid would have been sleeping over after a movie night at either the twins’ house or Sophie’s. They talked about him, loud enough so his name was heard but soft enough so he didn’t know the gritty details about it. Though he’s sure one discussion was about his looks, how he thought they’d take him back if it looked like he’d hit complete rock bottom. Shit heads.
But who cares what they think, right? Girls are catty. It's just the way it is. And he wouldn’t be much of a guy if he let something as stupid as other people's opinions get to him. They were wrong anyway. His new look is a way to ward off attraction, not to show that he’s hit rock bottom. He hasn’t gone that deep into himself yet. He’d once found himself questioning it. How far is too far?
Gev London lived a life most guys dream of- well, most sixteen-year-old guys anyway. His room is completely black, if you can notice the paint job at all with the dozens of posters he has plastered to the walls covering this fact. His bed has a real skull over it- true, it's made of plaster of paris but its looks so damned real with the way he’s painted it. His entire wardrobe is black, minus some of the shirts with lettering or pictures. He has a cross necklace which he never takes off. His hair is slicked up anyway that it can land when he wakes up and puts gel in it.
He’s a full eyeliner and black lipstick kind of guy. He even paints his fingernails! Yakusoku drew the line at the fingernails... a little too danty in his opinion- the lipstick too. But the best part of all, is that Gev’s parents are afraid of him. He practically has run of the house, he can do whatever he wants! Including fogging up the air by smoking weed.
“I see you’ve got a new poster,” Yakusoku says when walking into his friend’s bedroom.
“You can tell?” Gev replied getting up from his desk. Holding out a hand he jerks the male into a tight, single-armed, hug. “Detention?”
“Yeah. I beat up some idiot in the library.” He takes the offered white stick, drawing puffs from it.
“Had it coming.” Replied the ring leader of their foursome- sometimes fivesome, if Angelique feels like smoking with them. Taking a seat back at the desk he gestured to the bed for Yakusoku to sit.
“So what’s up for tonight?” He passes the stick back; blowing out a stream of smoke before falling back onto the bed.
“Usual. Get some beers, watch some tv, listen to some tunes.” Getting up, he walks over to a long shelf on the other side of the room. “Here. Give it back whenever.” He hands a cd off to his friend.
Gev only shrugged. The two smoke in mutual silence, each male lost in his own thoughts or perhaps thinking nothing at all. Yakusoku had to wonder what Gev would say if he did tell him about what happened? He’s so high right now it probably wouldn’t even come out right, and Gev surely wouldn’t be listening. So the silence continued until Gev finally breaks it.
“Why’d you come over anyway? For the cd? I would have remembered to give it to you.”
Shaking his head, Yakusoku hands the stick back. “My little brother was plucking my nerves, and I didn’t feel like going home.”
“Mmm. You’re lucky you have a little brother.” He takes a drag from it. “Victoria’s a pain in the ass.”
And by ‘pain in the ass’, he really means his secret weakness. Gev, if nothing else holy and pure, adores his five-year-old sister Victoria. She’s got him wrapped around her little finger. The guys have often walked into the male’s home and caught him saddled up beneath the girl who’s saying ‘getty up’ while she tugs mercilessly at his spiked choker.
Last year she went as Gev for Halloween, and he went as an upstanding citizen while walking her around the neighborhood. Victoria insisted. It was the first time any of them had ever seen the male without his built up persona cloaking him. He looked odd. Flesh colored; and eyes so bright they’re gray- who’d of known. He’s usually got in red colored contacts or golden cats eyes. He even had white in once- until every girl in school bitched that he was freaking them out, in which case he had to put in some other ones to make up for the loss. His hair was clean, washed and combed. Completely opposite of every day.
He’d even worn a red wig to school once; long down to past his armpits. Gev is a real weirdo without his make-up on. He wouldn’t recognize him at all. Yakusoku wondered if his friends would recognize him? Probably. He’s not exactly new to the area, and his name has been around the school- granted they can’t pronounce it, they must, at least, know it when they hear it.
“We should skip third period tomorrow, Yakuza” He sniffed. “get a pizza.”
“Yeah.” Yakusoku felt his cheeks rising for some reason. Then he says with a chuckle. “Yakuza.” It was then that Yakusoku began to laugh at his own name.
He wasn’t sure why it was funny, but damn if it wasn’t. Gev laughed along too. He didn’t need the reason why he just needed the activity. It's always like this when they smoke. They either eat- a lot. Or they laugh until someone has a near death experience with suffication. Nono peed himself once! By the time, it hit six o’clock the two were roaring with laughter over the fact that, when said properly, Yakusoku’s name sounds like yack-soak.
When he walked in, Clark watched the two laughing with a shake of his head. Nono, without knowing why laughed along as well. Locating the abandoned stick of sustinance, Clark takes a long pull from what’s left of it, letting the rest fall to ashes on the desktop.
“We going out tonight or no?” He asked with a cloud exiting his mouth.
1 in the morning and Yakusoku finally swung through the front door of his home. He had the best time out today. They went to the arcade, they hung out at the park, beer bottles in hand, they blared the speakers in Nono’s car while singing completely out of tune with the cds. They scammed on girls and even got one of them to give them a blowjob. Yakusoku didn’t take it, though. No blonde, no blow.
Blinking through bleary eyes, he wondered to himself. No one is awake, though judging by the covered lump on the couch, his mother tried her best to wait up. Well, better let her know. He slammed the door behind him, glad to see that she started awake.
“I’m hooome!” He called out loudly.
“Yaku’... it's about time,” she said in a slightly groggy voice. “I really wish that you wouldn’t-..”
But Reeve cut his wife off; appearing at the top of the stairs he charged down them. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, Yakusoku!” He roared at the teen.
“Ssshh, Reeve, its one in the morning.”
“I don’t give a damn what time it is, he’s passed curfew! Beyond past it!” The man added after absorbing what his wife just said. “Now I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but you’re expected to live by certain rules.”
Yakusoku swayed on his feet; he’s giving his father a curious squinty-eyed look. “Whuh?” He asks drowsily.
“Are you drunk?” He asked in horrid curiosity.
Reaching for the light switch, he got an eye full of his son and the full extent of how drunk the teen truly is. He’d gone on himself, his boxers are coming up from beneath the waistband of his pants, he’s got red-rimmed eyes, and is 100% proof to be engulfed in flames should someone light a match near him. Son of a bitch.
“Go to your room... now! You’re grounded until I say otherwise.”
He starts for the stairs, tripped backward down them 3 steps before he’s able to make it up the full set. Looking back over his shoulder, he sways and cocks his head thoughtfully.
“Damn, what a climb. This mountain sure is high... oh wait... maybe that’s just me.” He snickered. “Nono... hey, Nono” It seemed now he believed that he’s still out with his friends. “Do that trick again with your watch.”
His parents just watch in disbelief of the boy as he disappeared beyond his bedroom entrance. How can he have changed so much? He never used to be like this. Nothing’s happened, as far as they know, to have brought this behavior on. Maybe he’s going through changes because he’s wondering about his background. Most adopted kids go through that sort of thing at some point. Ai might even go through it one day. Maybe they should have a talk with him? Or get him into therapy. Have the guidance counselor at school have a word or two with him. Something needs to be done!
Yakusoku can’t continue this path of self-destruction forever. Only problem is that neither Reeve nor Quinn know anything about their son’s background. He came to them by unique circumstances, and he himself remembers nothing due to slight amnesia. Maybe his memories have come back, and he doesn’t like what he’s seen. That could have triggered this bad behavior. It was something to think about, at least. Maybe there was a way they could look into it?
“Come on honey, let’s go to bed,” Reeve says after a minute.
He’s had all he can stand for one night. Something will have to be done about their son if he plans to keep this up. He tightened his grip on his wife when she made a move to head off in the direction of Yakusoku’s bedroom where sounds of heaving can be heard. He’ll have to deal with the consequences of drinking- alone.
Yakusoku was actually pretty pissed about throwing up. It was sort of making him feel better physically, but mentally he was once again facing the pain of what had happened. He’d nearly collapsed and fell right to sleep, but his stomach was turning over on him and he had to get up. Just about every night he would lay awake in bed, and he would see Maria lying with him, naked and groping him. Whispering that she loves him, whispering that they’re the same.
Tears stung his eyes as he felt paralyzed all over again. Hopeless, helpless. Moreso, when he knows he’s in his own home, in his own bedroom, and that his parents are right down the hall and are oblivious to the entire thing.
No one to come for him. No one to help him. Completely at the mercy of the demented girl.