Black Crush

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Chapter One:

~Six Months Earlier~

“Dude you have got to be kidding me!” I laughed disbelievingly as he shrugged uncaring with a smirk on his face. “How can you say you believe in anything you fucking imbecile? You believe in mythology and aliens, but it’s too hard of a fucking concept for your pea size brain to comprehend that there may have been attractive mermaids.” I blurted a little irritated with his bias.

“Never has looking at a fish ever made me hard.” he deadpanned.

“Mermaids aren't fish you fucking idiot! They're humans who have adapted to a new habitat!” I cried frustrated as he laughed again. “I hate you.” I pouted.

“I know Cupcake. It’s just so easy to get you all riled up.” he laughed as I stuck my tongue out at him and he threw his arm over my shoulder as we continued our walk towards the theater.

It was a random decision for a Friday night and although it was supposed to have been a group of us heading to the movies, including our significant others, everyone had canceled for one reason or another. No matter what we planned it always ended up just being the two of us. It wasn’t like it was a far walk. There was no need to waste gas driving, but due to the awkwardness between us and a build up of boredom. we started talking about the possibility of the supernatural having actually existed once. It was a decent conversation up until the topic of mermaids.

It made it impossible for me to keep a cool head any time. The way I see it there has to be both a good and bad side to it all. Mermaids still needed men to procreate, there had to be something attractive about them to get a human male to sleep with them. Not all of them had the powers of a siren. Even if mermen did exist, how did they get other merpeople and humans to sleep with them? That’s where the conversation took a turn and he started fucking with me intentionally to get under my skin.

“I can’t believe they all canceled on us.” I sighed as we stopped into our usual hangout to get something to eat before the movie. We needed a topic change so that I could calm myself down.

“What? Are you still too afraid to be alone with me?” he teased making me roll my eyes at him. I feared nothing and especially not being alone with him.

“Oh please. Not even a deer running away from a hungry pack of lions would be afraid of you.”

“Ouch. You wound me.”

“And you’re an idiot.” We both laughed before stepping up to the counter to place our order. It didn’t take long since we’d ended up just getting some fries and a drink after deciding we’d just get some snacks from the concession stand. We sat at a table not too far away from the door, but far away from everyone else in the makeshift restaurant.

“Seriously though Cupcake, why do you hate being alone with me now?” I groaned as he watched me placing fry after fry into his mouth patiently waiting for an answer. I rolled my eyes, he’d been doing this a lot lately and although I wanted to be mad about it, I’d been just as bad. We both wanted answers neither of us was quite prepared for. We were best-friends and sometimes it just didn't feel like that was the case for us anymore. Sometimes it felt like we were strangers trying to force out each other's secrets.

“I don’t hate being alone with you Damien, but I do hate being called Cupcake. It's a stupid nickname.”

“Tough shit. Be straight with me.” he spat rolling his eyes.

“You know I hate when the plan changes. I expected everyone, but all I got was you.” I smirked as he grunted. “You know what I mean ass wipe. I love hanging out with everyone, but the two of us haven’t been just us since…” I stopped holding my head down. How could I explain to my best-friend that for me everything changed after that, without changing everything again?

“I get you. We don’t have to go back there.” he sighed already knowing what I was referring to. I didn’t want to be an asshole and ruin everything, but I wasn’t as over everything as he wanted me to be. It still bothers me what happened. It also pissed me off that I had no clue what he really thought about it. When it came to us being honest about our emotions with each other, we didn’t. There was a fear that the both of us held that stopped us from doing so. It was just that now I wasn’t so sure that our reasoning's were the same anymore. At least mine weren’t and it scared me what could possibly happen if they were found out. Imagine needing to talk about something with the one person you once could confess everything too, but you no longer can because he's that something.

“It’s not going back there that I’m afraid of Damien.” I sighed already feeling myself starting to get frustrated with what I was assuming was his insinuation.

“Well I don’t want to go back there.” he snapped.

“We have to talk about it!” I whined. I had no clue what we would say, but I knew it was something that we had to talk about.

“No we don’t. You want to. I don’t give a fuck!” I jumped back shocked from the amount of aggression in his tone. Everyone was looking at us now as I sunk into my seat. “Look, let’s just go. I’m not in the mood for a movie anymore. Or being around you any longer than I have to.” he shook his head at me before getting up and waiting outside. I had to fight back the tears, my feelings now hurt. I didn’t mean to upset him, but it was something that he had brought up. It was like he wanted me to regret my reaction to what happened, but I didn’t. It was what I felt in the moment, my most absolute truth. I may have been hard on him, but it was one of the hardest things I’d ever thought I’d have to do.

… … … … … … …

The entire walk back was quiet and awkward. He was intent on ignoring me. Even going so far as to put his headphones on. I was still trying to hold back tears as unwanted memories repeatedly danced in my mind. We were getting closer to the apartment building in which we both lived, but I didn’t want to end the night like this. It wasn’t fair to either of us. If we kept on in the way that we were we’d be back home in no time, but without a clue when we would talk again. If I forced him to make this right turn coming up we could go to this park not to far away and finally have a conversation. A real one that had been avoided for a few months.

I didn’t know how far we’d get, but anything was better than what I was already getting. Taking a deep breath to build my confidence I grabbed him by his arm and dragged me with me towards the park.

“What the fuck Leyah?” he growled.

“Just shut up and follow me.” I spat my annoyance still clear and evident. He did as I said even though he was still grunting and mumbling under his breath as he allowed me to drag him and I was glad for it. Had I heard whatever it was that he was saying I was positive my feelings would be even more hurt and the thinly veiled, see through dam that was barely containing my tears would finally break. Whether it was in front of him or not, I no longer knew. I had promised myself that I would never cry in front of him again, but I also said that I wouldn’t force him to talk to me again. Sometimes promises are just made to be broken.

It took no time before I was forcing him to sit in a swing as I stood there and stared at him waiting for an explanation. A part of me wanted to move closer; wanted to stand between his legs and just beg him to be the Damien that I knew. A bigger part was too terrified to move though.

“What?” he growled. If I didn't know him so well I would think we was looking dead into my soul right now, but he wasn't. He was staring over my shoulder and no matter how much I moved he wouldn't look at me.

“What the hell is your problem?!” I yelled fed-up with him before allowing myself to take a step back to calm down. I didn't need this to become a bigger thing that it already is. “Why are you acting like this Dai?” I whimpered my own emotions starting to get the best of me.

“I’m not doing this with you.” he sighed before standing up to walk away. That hurt.

“Damien I swear to fucking hell and back, if you walk away from me right now I don’t know when or if I’ll ever talk to you again. Best-friend or not.” I felt the change in atmosphere as soon as my statement finished. My arms were crossed across my chest locked and defiant. My stance was meant to convey that I meant what I said with a level of determination I’d never possessed before. At least not with him. I could hear the low growl coming from him. He was pissed about the ultimatum I had given him. His shoulders were locked as he stood there defensively.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snapped and though his tone had changed the look in his eyes remained the same. He just wanted to get as far away from me as possible. It broke my heart.

“I meant what I said Damien. I wanted to talk, but you don’t seem to care.” I spat.

“Doesn’t feel to good to have to beg someone who doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings huh?” he smirked maliciously as I gasped and unintentionally stepped back a little. From the jab to his tone and evil smirk, it had all caught me off guard and made me stumble backwards.

“I fucking swear I hate you.” I cried a single tear slipping from my eye as I hurriedly rushed to wipe it away. I wouldn't let him break me. Not this time.

“I know. It has always been so easy to get to you.” he laughed and then walked away as I slumped down on the swing no longer able to keep my tears at bay. That was not just my best-friend. I had no idea who that was and I had no interests in speaking to him again.

It felt like the tears were endless. A shred from my shattered heart just kept cutting into me more making the pain unbearable. My chest felt wet from all the bloody tears my heart had been crying. I couldn’t believe he could do something like this to me. I couldn’t believe he could break me like this. I thought he loved me. I thought he cared.

“There you are.” came a relieved voice from behind me. I didn’t even bother to try to wipe away the tears as I stood from the swing and turned coming face to face with Damien.

“What are you doing here Dai?” I sighed.

“I knew you’d be here and I knew you’d need your best-friend.”

“I just want to be alone.” I whispered not really caring if he heard me or not.

“What is it with you and coming to the park in the middle of the night?” he asked, completely ignoring me as I shrugged and went to sit back on my swing. It was pointless trying to get him to leave me be. He never listened to me before, I don’t know why I thought that he would now. “And why this one? There’s one a hell of a lot closer to us and it’s lights actually work.”

“That’s precisely why I chose this one. It allows me to immerse myself completely and become one with the shadows of the night. I can uncover my emotions, pretend to fly and just enjoy the night sky with the bit of stars I can see. I get to just be for once and not worry about whether someone is going to tell me to man up or not.” I sighed before tilting my head back. This part of the sky was littered with stars and it felt odd to see it cut off in the parts where the lights still worked. No one may understand my reasoning for this moment, but I didn’t care. Sitting here like this calmed me.

“You know cupcake, I like to get lost within myself sometimes too. Since you won’t let me kick his ass, how about you start inviting me to get lost in the shadows with you?” unwillingly I smiled as I used my dark brown hair to cover my face.

“That would defeat the purpose of my alone time.”

“Where is it written that you have to feel lonely while being alone? You can have your alone time with me right here and when you’re ready to come out of the shadows, I’ll be right here ready to help you find what you lost.” he smiled at me with such a genuine smile that it was hard for me to suppress one of my own. I shook my head trying to shake away the fuzzy feelings I was feeling.

“What am I going to do with you?” I laughed a choked sob forcing itself out.

“Hug me and pick your head up. You were too good for him anyway.” he whispered. I shrugged as he pulled me out of my swing and to him. “You shine brighter than you know cupcake, don’t let anyone ever dim you out.”

I held back a sob as I dropped to my butt in the grass and just leaned back to watch the stars. It was insane how comfortable I had gotten to him being here ready to help me find myself. I was more lost now than I had ever been before and I had never felt so lonely, but he was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t like he could help me though. I was sitting here lost because of him. That night, I lost a big part of who I was because of him. I lost my trust in him. He didn’t understand that and somehow it became my fault for it.

I just wanted my best-friend back. I just wanted things back to how they were before what happened. I just wanted to go back to when it was easy to talk to him and when we still knew how to lie to each other. Things were different now, a little too different for my liking.

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