The next couple of days had me feeling completely out of place. We shouldn't have let things get as far as they did. I found myself in a depressing kind of routine since that night. It was like it all went wrong over a plate of fries and a soda, but the underlying reason was a whole lot worse.
That night I spent I don’t know how many hours lying in the grass, staring up at the stars and trying to wipe away the incessant tears. I don’t even know how I made it home, I barely remembered walking the couple of blocks it took to get there. I don’t remember the shower I took or how the water felt against my skin. I don’t remember getting into bed on the side of my boyfriend and snuggling into him.
All I remembered was how my best friend yelled at me and walked away from me. How he promised that he would always be there and then left me when I needed him most. How he was so accusatory towards me, but never wanted to talk about it. I get it, I hurt him and he hated me for it, but he hurt me too. All I remembered was my best-friend breaking my heart and making me cry for the umpteenth time. Things weren't often bad between us, but when they were, it was awful.
The following days the process repeated. After a day full of adulting I’d find myself in the park lying in the grass and staring at the sky. I hadn’t talked to him since and it bothered me, but I didn’t want to be the first to break. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’m not the one that lost my composure, but I was the one that set the ultimatum. Which I knew that he hated with a passion.
As pissed as I was with him, I still missed him. I missed freely being about to just talk and be who I am. I missed having someone to talk about the possibility of the supernatural and everything else that’s considered not real and not being criticized for it. The memories would no longer matter if we couldn’t just get it together. It would end up being all that we have left and although they were the same, we each had our own take on what we remembered happening.
There were so many things that I wanted to say to him that I no longer knew how to put into words. We would always be described as a complicated situation. It was how we started off. Our friendship was based on the weirdest occurrences our young minds had thought of. He was there for me at my lowest and had always been kind of a shoulder to cry on. I lost count of how many times I had to save him from a stupid relationship. Not to mention how many asses I had to kick for him.
He had a temper and although others dealt with it also, I was the only one who had to experience it firsthand. He comes off as an arrogant asshole, but he has the biggest heart and a depth of feelings I hadn't known was possible for one person. Sometimes the gate comes up without him being aware of it and I’m not quite fast enough to get out of the way of it so I get hurt in the process.
Right now lying here in the grass, I just wished that my best-friend would come and watch the stars with me like he used to. I wanted to have not-so-stupid-stupid conversations about whatever our minds would come up with. I just wanted my best-friend back.
“Hey Dai, do you ever wonder why vampires choose the ones that they do?” I asked taking a hit from the blunt before passing it back to him.
“What do you mean Cupcake?”
“I’m saying… I mean...ugh! How do I put this?” I groaned frustrated with my own thought process. I was never good at expressing exactly what I meant. Being stoned only made it that much worse. “Think of it like this, when you choose what you want to eat you go off of senses right? Does it smell good? Does it look good? The way the burger feels when you pick it up. The sizzle it makes when it’s cooking. The herbs and spices used to make it taste a certain way. So much go into making a good burger for someone to choose and having them choose it over and over again. A way to keep them coming back, you know? How does a vampire do it? Is it sense based also? Like is it the hormones we give off? Or do they go off of looks?”
“Why would they go off of looks?” he laughed hitting the blunt hard and choking before passing it back to me. I shook my head laughing as I put the blunt to my own lips and inhaled.
“Like think about it Dai. If it was off looks, would they be as superficial as people think? Would those they deem ugly be a meal or forced into slavery? Would those they find attractive be considered as concubines, mistresses and wives/husbands? Do they hold them higher because they look better?”
“Cupcake?” he asked his voice going into a sultry whisper full of condescending asshole vibes.
“Don’t patronize me asshole.” I spat with a frown.
“You’re stoned. Give me the weed and let’s go get some food.” he said cautiously before we both laughed and he helped me stand. “Want to know what’s weirder than vampires?” I shrugged as I laced my fingers through his and leaned against him as we walked back home holding hands. “Who decided that roses were the love language of flowers? Who walked past a bush of them and went this one will mean love? Why not lilies? Why not chrysanthemums? Why roses?” I rolled my eyes at the idiocy of the idea. “Would you ever buy them? I mean if the girl was really into them and you’d done some wrong and hurt her, would you then?”
“If I ever did, I would follow their meanings, but the card would say- Stupid flowers for a stupid girl who loves them.”
“Well let me put on my gloves and be ready, because she’s definitely going to try to kick your ass afterwards.” We both laughed as we finally made it to our apartment building and got into his car to go get food. We were feeling like tacos.
Shaking away the memory I stood up and made my way home. All I wanted was to be able to talk to him about anything. It didn’t have to be a long conversation, it didn’t even have to be about anything serious, I just wanted to hear his voice and know that he was okay. This wasn’t the first time that we’ve had little spats, but this was one of the longest. I guess I just missed him more than I thought I would. He understood me in a way no one else had bothered too. As I walked up to my door I almost burst into tears seeing a vase full of red and yellow roses. I wasn’t even surprised when I saw a card tied to it with a ribbon. It read,
Stupid flowers for a stupid girl who loves them.
A laugh escaped me before I could stop it as I pulled my phone out to text him.
Being away from her was harder than I thought it would be. I thought I needed space from her to come to terms with things I wasn’t quite sure that I wanted to discuss with her yet. I couldn't handle it if I was the one to ruin everything. However, I wanted to just check in on her and make sure that she was okay. I wanted to make sure that her thoughts hadn’t consumed her into an eternal feeling of nothingness.
A part of me needed to make sure that she hadn’t been so consumed in her own madness that she spent all night in that park. I wanted to make sure that she knew that even though she wanted to disappear and become part of the shadows, she was still needed here. I still needed her here. I may not have been acting like it lately but I needed her more than she needed me and I hated being that vulnerable to anyone.
“The moonlight shines upon us to let us know that even in our darkest of times, we can still find just a little bit of light.” she spoke randomly breaking the comfortable silence we had found ourselves in as we laid in the grass. For a moment it shocked me. It had been nearly an hour and that was the first time she had spoken to me.
From the time she had shown up at my door with wet sad eyes and dragged me away to this park she had been completely silent. Apart from the occasional sniffle as she wiped her eyes, all I heard was the soft whistle from her nose as she breathed. It was my own silent indicator to know how hard she had been crying. It was the only time that it happened.
“Want to tell me what happened?” I whispered trying to remain calm and not to be an asshole about it. I wondered if it had something to do with that boyfriend of hers. It was like he always had his underwear a little too far up his ass and as much as I wanted to kick his ass, I couldn’t hurt her like that. She wanted to be with him and until that changed there was nothing that I could do. The moment she broke it off I was kicking his ass.
“It was nothing Dai.” she sighed. I knew it was a lie. I could hear the shakiness in her voice as she spoke. She wanted to cry some more. She was hurting and it was because of him. It had to be. Today was their anniversary. All week she bragged about how she was putting me on the shelf to play with later, her words not mine. Now it’s the day of and we’re sitting in this damn park while she’s trying her hardest not to cry.
As her best-friend it was my job to accept the lies for now and get the answers from her later when she felt like talking. Otherwise, I’ll say fuck it and just beat the answers out of him. She'll hate me for a few days, but it'll be worth it. I would protect her always.
“If you say so Leyah.” I groaned with a roll of my eyes so she’d know that I was annoyed with her always protecting him from me. “I’m here whenever you want to talk cupcake.”
“Thank you.” she managed to get out before burying her head into my chest and crying. I held her close to me and just let her cry. Sometimes being her best-friend was painful.
The thought of her sitting in that park crying because of me and other shit piled on top with no one there to console her bothered me heavily. It made my stomach twist into knots that had me physically sick. It wasn’t fair to make her suffer and feel like crap because I couldn’t myself together. So I did the one thing I told her I would never do. Something we had joked about so many times before that it seemed comical to actually be doing so. I left them in front of her door where I knew she’d find them.
Now I had to wait. What I was waiting for I had no idea, but I knew I just had to wait.
“Hey Damien?” came a voice from the other room scaring me like I had been caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing. I understood it. Sophia wasn’t too big of a fan of Leyah’s. I knew and understood why.
“Did you spend forty seven dollars on some roses?” she asked as I gulped. She was pissed. “Funnily enough I didn’t receive any roses, and I know you hate them; so I wonder who they possibly could have been for?”
“Please don’t start this Sophia.” I groaned, already starting to get a headache. The sarcasm in her tone was annoying.
“I’m just saying-”
“And I’m asking you not too.” I spat. “Whatever I decide to do with my money is none of your fucking business. Now please leave me the fuck alone about it.” I snapped before getting up and stomping away. My anger felt irrational for a second, but I remembered talking to her about arguing with Leyah and wondering what I should do to make up for it. She wasn’t the least bit helpful. Then I remembered about the roses. I didn’t need Sophia to ruin the something good I had done for a friend that needed it. The apology that was earned because I, myself, had an asshole.
In a moment of blind rage my feet found their own way to a place of solitude and to my surprise I was at the park. The same one I had come to so many times to help Leyah get a piece of mind, or to just disappear and hang out for a while. The minute I sat on the swing where she usually did my phone vibrated with an incoming message.
Cupcake: You’re forgiven jerk-face.
I smiled as a small chuckle escaped me. Things were fixed for now and I felt better for it. Maybe she'd even be willing to hangout soon.