The days passed by slower than a snail. I really wanted to set aside some time to hang out with Damien, but life had gotten so busy and far more complicated than our little tiff. My schedule at worked had once again changed and I was even picking up extra shifts do to the holiday season coming up. It was like everything was telling us that we needed a few more days before we could be around each other again, and although we knew we should listen we fought it. We had been texting and keeping in contact, but it just wasn't the same as actually sitting face to face together.
I just wanted to go grab a cup of hot chocolate and sit in my favorite place, despite the cold, with my best-friend and allow ourselves to catch up a bit. I wanted to thank him again in person for the flowers and gush over how beautiful they were; leaving out the part about the fight they started at home. I just wanted a minute were we could just be us again. Able to cut out the middle man and the pressures from the outside world. To be able to have an unfiltered conversation without either of us getting mad. It's been way too long since our last raw heart-to-heart.
Again, the days were passing by slower than I ever thought was possible, and it was killing me.The one thing that I wanted right now had become so unattainable and I had to deal with it. I had to realize that at some point I’ll get to see him, but that destination hadn’t been reached yet. I was hoping that today would be that day, but the later it got the more that hoped got destroyed.
Leyah: Heyyy Budddy
Leyah: How’s your schedule looking for today?
Dai: Busy as hell. Why?
Leyah: Well, I wanted to hangout, but if you’re too busy...
Dai: It’s not that cupcake. I would love to but…
Leyah: But what?
Dai: Sophia got pissed about the flowers last week and we’ve been arguing since. So now I have to do something to make up for it. Otherwise I would definitely come hangout with you. It's been too long and we really need to catch up. I miss you.
Leyah: What you aren’t allowed to send your friend some flowers? I spat completely disregarding all the other things he had said about me. I was getting tired of Sophia and her attitude towards me when I have done nothing to her. It wasn't right to just hate me for no reason.
Dai: It’s not like that Leyah. She didn’t know the reasoning for them.
Leyah: Reason or not Dai, she saw that you spent money on some flowers and realized they were for me, got jealous and threw a fit about it. She only threw a fit because it was ME you bought them for. Either way it shouldn’t matter the reasoning; at this point she should just trust you.
Dai: Look Leyah, I can’t do this right now. I don’t need the extra stress. I’ll text you as soon as my schedule clears up. I promise Cupcake.
Dai: Love you.
Leyah: Whatever. Love you too.
I sighed as I sat my phone down and went back to typing the memos for next week hoping no one had caught me using my phone. I couldn’t afford to lose this job right now.
“Hey Leyah?” yelled a voice startling me as she caught my attention. I smiled to myself when I saw who it was. Ophelia Jenkins. My only other friend in the world. She was a short, stocky light-skinned cutie. Although she looked like she experienced everything there was to experience, she was the most sweetest and innocent person I had ever met. She just had a filthy mouth that contrasted who she really was. She was the only person that I knew I could trust no doubt besides Damien. Today her chestnut brown hair was twisted up into a tight bun with bangs that covered her left eye. She was looking over her glasses at everyone as they sat perched on her nose, but it wasn’t in a judging kind of way.
She was the sexy librarian type that got along with everyone. If it wasn’t for her, I’d probably lose my mind without Damien to keep me from spiraling.
“Hey O, what’s up?”
“Living life beautifully. What’s up with you?” she smiled a gorgeous smile of red painted lips stretched over pearly whites.
“Stressing as usual.”
“Is it over that little cutie of yours?” she laughed.
“No, Justin is a pain in the ass, but everything is copacetic.” I tried to grin back at her, but even I could tell it was fake and didn’t reach my eyes at all.
“Not that no good sack of shit, I'm talking about Damien’s sexy ass.” she spoke sassily with a roll of her eyes.
“Don’t do that O. I understand and completely respect the fact that you don’t like Justin. Quite frankly I believe the feeling to be mutual, but please can you not disrespect him to me. Before you get mad, he has to follow the same rules. I just don't want to be put in the middle.” I sighed as I typed the last sentence before sending it to print and finally logging off for the day.
“I’m not trying to be a bitch Ley, but you definitely deserve better than Justin. I digress though. So what has been up with you and Damien? I haven’t seen him in a while. I kind of got used to seeing him waiting in the lobby for you. At least somebody came to pick you up instead of having you walk in the dark alone.” she snapped as I rolled my eyes. She made her hatred for Justin so obvious, that even subliminally they were clear.
“We kind of got into a disagreement and stopped speaking for a few days, but we made up and now we're just waiting for our schedules to align again so that we can hang out.” For some reason I felt like I was covering up for a lying, cheating, no good scumbag of a boyfriend. I didn’t believe a word that I was saying and from the look on Ophelia’s face, it showed.
“You two aren’t fighting over what happened again, are you?” she asked as I cringed. Sometimes I forget that she seen at least some part of that whole thing. It was enough to determine her own ideal of what happened before and after, but it wasn’t enough to come up with something close to the truth. The truth was far more complicated than anyone knew.
“We don’t talk about what happened Ophelia. Neither one of us are ready for that conversation and a week like this proves it.” I sighed trying not to sound to choked up about it. The more I tried to just forget it all, the more it pressed it against the play button. Our entire friendship leading up to that moment played on repeat breaking my heart just a little bit more with each loop.
“What do you mean Ley?” she asked concern coating her tone as she handed me some tissues.
“All I mean is that I miss talking to him. We used to be able to talk and every since what happened, we just don’t anymore. It hurts honestly. It hurts more than I want it to.” I sighed finally realizing how much truth there was to my words.
The wind blew gently blowing through my hair as we sat on the balcony of my parents house. They had gone on vacation for the month and I was house sitting with my trusty bestie. Already we had managed to break a few things and call a cleaning service twice. Both times were just accidents though. However, I was still having a good time enjoying my break away from my boyfriend and current headache.
“Can we talk?” I blurted realizing how much of a stupid question it was only after it left my mouth.
“I’d be afraid if we couldn’t anymore.” he laughed “We kind of talk about everything if you hadn’t realized.” he mocked as I rolled my eyes before taking a moment to really look at him. He had bulked up so much from the tall lanky, lean but muscular body I was used to seeing on him. Now he was all broad shoulder with sculpted pecs, biceps and triceps. Even the four abs he’d managed to get where structured better than I thought was possible for the skinny guy that he used to be. His bush of curly hair had now grown out into a bunch of soft waves. My hand itch to run my fingers through it again, but I know he was tired of me touching it.
Those beautiful deep chocolate orbs looked more like melted honey pools full of amusement in the sunlight as he carelessly laughed at himself. His dark skin seemed to melt into itself giving him a shiny kind of glow that had me drooling. He was beautifully handsome and admittedly I was a little jealous that he wasn't mine.
“I got a question, but it’s kind of weird.” I giggled as I tried to remove my eyes from the way his leg muscles flexed as he tried to get into a more comfortably position in his chair.
“The weirder the better cupcake.” he smiled and I actually gasped. Had those plump pink beauties always stretched over perfect pearly whites and I was just not noticing?
“Have you ever thought about us together? Like together-together? Like if one day we decided we wanted to be together? What do you think it would be like?” I was speaking hastily, but I couldn’t slow down. I was nervous for some reason. I didn’t want him thinking the wrong thing about these questions. I was honestly just curious. I didn't want him to reject me unnecessarily.
“I’ve thought about it before.” he shrugged as he stretched back. “Sometimes I think it’ll be like the only kind of relationships we seem to find ourselves in. Loud and chaotic without a bit of trust in it at all. That it would end horribly and take the best friendship in the world down with it. Other times, I think that you’d be the best thing to ever happen to me. In more ways than one. I think we’d be happy and it would be beautiful and our friendship would be better than ever. We would compliment each other well. Why? What do you think.”
“I think we need more wine.” I hiccuped as I tried to ignore the way my heart twisted from the affection in his eyes as he spoke. We did drink nearly three bottles of wine and had a few shots. He didn’t mean anything by what he said, he was just drunk and so was I. Before getting up I smiled to myself as I swayed a little in my chair. “I also think we’d be perfect together. Beautiful and easy with each other. A fairy-tale come true.” I giggled as he stared at me. Again there was something I couldn’t quite place in his eyes, but it made me happy to see it.
“Why do you think the two of you can’t talk anymore?” asked Ophelia breaking me from my thoughts.
“Because everything has changed. If either one of us feel like we’re getting to vulnerable we become assholes. I get bitchy and defensive. His gates come up with a brick wall planted firmly behind them and I can’t get through. I just have to understand that it’s like this now and learn to accept it. What happened ruined what we had and it’s my own fault.”
I was giggling as his hands held my waist as we played like the floor was made of lava. I didn’t remember the last time that we were this drunk, but it felt so good to feel so light. His booming laughed filled the room as we hopped from pillow to pillow.
“Be careful cupcake. Don’t fall.” he yelled distracting me as my foot missed the pillow and we went tumbling towards the floor. We both landed with a thud as I laughed out loud. “Maybe getting drunk and eating an edible was a bad idea.” he laughed.
“Ya think? Now get off of me you fat ass tub of lard.”
“Make me.” he grinned before locking his arms around my waist. His skin felt hot through my thin tank-top. We both were in hysterics as we rolled over the floor animatedly.
“Let me go ya weirdo!” I cried out. I didn’t know if it was the weed gummy, the wine or the shots that had me so carefree, but I was loving it. I was here with my best-friend having the time of my life and no longer worried about the dumbest of things. “Let me go Dai! This isn’t fair.” I laughed.
“How come?” he teased but I shook my head. I wasn’t doing it. “Say it or I’ll tickle you.” he threatened.
“I’m not ticklish you fool.”
“Fine then I’ll just keep you pinned and hide you under me and my weight for the rest of eternity and away from the judgement of the outside world.”
“I would love to hide away with you idiot. You have to threatened me with something that I wouldn’t want if you want me to say it.” Before I could comprehend what was happening I was pulled up onto his lap while facing him eye to eye.
“Would you really run away and hide with me?” he spoke in a whisper as I smiled at him softly and stroked the ends of his hair with the tip of my fingers. They were still as soft as the last time I touched them.
“I’ll do anything to make you happy Dai. You should already know that.”
“I ruined everything O. He wants to talk about it sometimes and I never do. I get defensive and deflects and it makes him shut down and put up the gates. He locks me out and for once I am the one to blame. I don’t deserve a friend like him and he definitely deserves better than me.”