Black Crush

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Chapter Five:

Leyah’s p.o.v.

“You can’t be walking around with a weight like that on your chest Leyah.” I sighed as she tried to hug me. I understood that her words were meant to be comforting, but Ophelia didn’t know the depth of everything. She only knew what I told her and what she saw, which honestly wasn’t much to go off of.

“You don’t get it O. Sometimes it’s like we hate each other because of what happened. Then there was the whole thing with Jackson that I know for a fact he hasn’t forgiven himself for.”

“Remind me again, is Jackson the long lost first love, or the one I want to kill?”

“Kill O.” I sighed as I held my head down ashamed. “Jackson only happened because he had forsaken me and our friendship because of Sophia. He always chose her over me and it still never seemed to be enough for her.”

“I really don’t like her.” she spat as if just the mention of her left a bad taste in her mouth. I didn’t blame her and I didn’t care how much Sophia hated me, I wasn’t going to sit here and help bad mouth her. All I could think about was the night Damien found out about Jackson. It was also the night we became friends again.

I was rushing trying to hurry and get home. I didn’t want him to come looking for me and ruin the sanctuary I had found in the park. He told me that he was coming over after work, but I didn’t trust it. Last time I fell for that I had been smacked upside the head for not being there waiting for him. I hated the way that I was living, but I couldn’t seem to turn it off. Jackson had his issues, but he was the only left that had my back.

He was all that I had left.

He came when I was at a low and helped lift me back up. I mean yeah he knocked me down a couple of times, but I knew he didn’t mean it. Worked stressed him and I didn’t help. All I had to do was do as told and follow the rules he set out. My phone dinged with an incoming message scaring me.

Tiger: I’m on my way baby. I can’t wait to see you.

He was taunting me. He knew I wasn’t there already and now it was a race over who would get there first. My eye throbbed as a memory from the other night. The salt from my tears and sweat stung my opened lip as I broke out into a full sprint. I wasn’t that far away from my house, but I didn’t want to take the chance.

I had to beat him there.

I smiled to myself and did a little victory dance on the inside once I saw that his car was nowhere in sight. Walking into the building I felt myself feeling more and more relieved as the elevator dinged. The doors opened and I stopped mid-step frozen with fear. It was like I was seeing a ghost and I couldn’t move.

“What the hell happened to your face?” his voice boomed as he stared me down. She was standing there on side of him with a smirk plastered on her face as if she’d won for good.

“Damien come on. We don’t want to be late.” she whined as she batted her eyelashes at him, but he wasn’t paying her any attention. I wasn’t even sure he’d heard a word she’d said. His focus remained on me. So many emotions were running through his eyes at once that it was hard to grab just one. “Damien…” she whined again, but it was no use. He was moving away from her and closer to me.

I still couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. Every muscle was locked, frozen in place. Step by step he grew closer until finally he was directly in front of me his hand gently stroking my cheek.

“Cupcake what happened?” he asked.

Three little words and somehow they managed to wake up the sleeping dragon that had been dormant for far too long. All the anger that I felt from that night came surging right back and it was perfect that the both of them were right here to hear it; but I was broken now. I opened my mouth to tell them off, to curse them to the depths of hell to be used as ass rags for Satan, but the moment I opened my mouth all I could do was cry. His arms enveloped me in a warm and loving embrace that my soul had been craving for nearly a year. I couldn’t speak as I pounded my little fists into his chest repeatedly as he kept whispering his apologies in my ear.

I don’t even know if he knew what he was apologizing for. Was it because he left me or was it because my face was an aftermath of him leaving? I didn’t know and I’m sure as hell that he didn’t either. Still he just stood there hugging and consoling me as she made disapproving sounds in the background. The only thing stopping me from kicking her ass is because I didn’t want him having to choose between us again. I couldn’t handle the first rejection, the second will probably kill me.

“I’m so sorry Cupcake. I let her get in my head and I abandoned you. It won’t happen again, I promise. You hear me Cupcake? I promise.” His apologies sounded rehearsed and it was everything I wanted to hear, but I no longer trusted him. I don’t even think that he trusted himself. It would happen again, but it would take a while. She’ll give him another ultimatum and just like this time he’ll choose her again.

“I always knew you were a whore.” came a dark sinister voice from behind me making me whimper and cling onto Damien tighter. “You just don’t learn Leyah. Let’s go.” he demanded and I could feel as Damien’s shoulders went rigid as he put two and two together.

“You did this to her?” he growled, making me take a few steps back. I hadn’t heard that tone in so long, but I always remembered to get out of the way when it happened.

“Look man, just because you fucking her doesn’t mean you can question me. I don’t know you. Whatever I do with or to my bitch is my business, understand?” my eyes widened as a gasped escaped Sophia. Even she knew what was going to happen next.

“Damien sent him off in an ambulance O. That night had shaken me up so bad. I hadn’t seen him beat on someone like that since, but I know he’s still capable of it.” I sighed finally starting to pack my things up so I could leave.

“What happened after that? I mean did y’all immediately become friends again after all that.”

“Um...not exactly. After everything I kind of locked myself in my room. He had keys to the apartment so it really wasn’t to many places I could hide. I had already been forced to use my vacation days-”

“Is this during that time where you racked up so many hours and overtime included?”

“Yeah. I was fucking terrified to go home.” I admitted ashamed as I stared at my feet. I could hear the disappointment as she spoke.

“Babygirl, you should have said something. You would have been with me the whole time instead of that nothing ass motherfucker. I would’ve called Damien my damn self to-”

“That’s why I didn’t say anything. It was hard enough to speak on it, let alone admit that I needed help...I didn’t want to have to admit that I needed him too.”

“I understand.” was all she said, but she didn’t. No one would unless they’d been through it. I was fucking terrified for my life, but he wasn’t always like that. He didn’t get like that until after I had opened up to him, which had turned out to be the biggest mistake. He used my fears against me. He used my past against me. He knew what he had to do to make me his and he did it. It took me forever to realize that he never really loved me, he just saw a broken someone he could take advantage of. I do feel the need to thank him though, if it hadn’t been for that disaster of a relationship, I wouldn’t have Damien back.

It had been a little over a week since Damien had saved me. I had been locked up in my room for the most part of it. I didn’t want to see anyone, let alone speak to anyone. I was both embarrassed and terrified that Jackson was coming back and things would be worse. My room was my only solitude left and I wasn’t ready to leave. My phone rang playing the ringtone that I hadn’t heard in months, but now was on an endless loop. I answered it and put it on speaker, but still said nothing.

“Hello? Cupcake you there?” I sniffled so that he could know I was here, but that was all. “Please Leyah, open the door and talk to me at least. Have you even eaten anything? Have you drunk some water at least? Please pretty girl, I’m worried about you.” I could hear that his words were genuine and he was really concerned, but I didn’t trust anymore. Letting him in again meant getting hurt again and I just couldn’t do that. “Pretty girl please, just open the door.” he sighed again as a single tear slid down my cheek.

I’d been his cupcake for so long I’d forgotten that I was once his pretty girl.

“Just leave Dai. Please.” I whispered my voice hoarse from all the crying I’d been doing, and the fact that I’ve barely spoken in over a week.

“I’m not leaving you again Leyah. I’m here now.” he was pleading for me to believe him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“It’s too late now.” I cried, hanging up the phone as the tears started again. The phone kept ringing as he even started pounding on the door begging me to let him in.

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t breathe.

I was no longer who he wanted me to be.

I was broken, shattered, unable to be fixed.

I blamed him. If it hadn’t been for him Jackson wouldn’t have ever been in my life. He would’ve been gone long before, and now he was somewhere waiting to get me back. He always promised that he’d always come back and get me. Thanks to Damien, it was going to be a whole lot worse than it would have been.

I had Ophelia drop me off at the park, but it was too cold to just sit there with what I was wearing. Begrudgingly, I began the walk home humming to myself quietly. I wasn’t as upset as I thought I would have been with Damien canceling on me. I guessed I still had the tendency to close off a part of myself to him. It’s been a while since it all went down and honestly I was still learning how to trust him again. Everyday I feared that he would leave me again and Jackson would pop back up, but until it happened it was my burden to bear.

As I turned the corner I could hear yelling. It had taken a minute for it to register that it was Damien’s voice I was hearing. Picking up speed I closed the last little bit of distance between me and where we lived.

“Dai? Dai what’s going on?” I yelled. He barely looked at me before pulling me closer to him. Who was he talking to?

“Do you trust me Cupcake? Would you listen to me if I told you to just walk away?” he asked barely over a whisper. Whoever this stranger was hiding in the shadows he really didn’t want me to know. For a second I thought the worst and my heart started racing.

“You’re scaring me Dai.” I whined feeling tears come to my eyes.

“Shh, shh. No, it’s no need to be scared. It’s not him. If it was it would have been an ambulance here.” he tried to assure me wiping the tears away.

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be out right now?”

“Well talk about that later.” he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes even a little bit.

“I just want to talk to Damien. One conversation.” came a voice from behind me that I almost instantly recognized. I stared at Damien hoping it wasn’t true. He only nodded at me with sad eyes before turning me around.

“Hey Leyah.” he sighed stepping closer for a hug.

“Hell nawl.” spat Damien coming between us again. “You’re already close enough.”

“Damien come on,” he groaned annoyed.

“I don’t fucking care Uriah. I said that’s close enough.”

“I don’t feel good.” I whined dizzily before I saw the ground coming up to meet my face and everything went black.

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