I've always found it quite strange about how the mind works. For example dreams, when you tuck your self in for the night and these weird movies play in your mind, but when you awake all the details and feeling you had during the dream disappears and you only can remember bits and pieces of the experience.
But the worst feeling of all is forgetting, and that is why I hate dreaming. For when you dream and you dream something beautiful and amazing and inventive for then you can forget it and all the chances you had are just gone.
I never found myself as an accepting person. I've been told by alot of folks that I always need to be satisfied with an idea or plan before I have anything to do with it. I don't blame myself for feeling this way, for it is 100% understandable to not join in to something you don't enjoy.
Maybe I am a selfish, strange, and overthinking person, but at least my parents are one of the rare sets. They've never forced me into anything I didnt consider myself. And that is why im going on 12 years of homeschool, not me complaining. I love home school and my parents totally understand a 16 year old hating the public.
I have always hated how people put tags on everyone like a cow roaming an old farm land. If others weren't titled the moment they step into the atmosphere maybe, just maybe I would consider, but even then the mind causes a deep hollow hole in my stomach. This strange pain is caused by my biggest fear. Exposure.
The more people you open up to, and the more trust you build tall is just raising the chances of being exposed. All your secrets, stories, personal troubles and opinions all public for everyone to see and know. So for this reason I keep to myself, expiecally since no other can understand me anyways.
I could hear light foot steps coming up the stairs slowly, which I had memorized already. I had been laying in bed all morning staring at the small hole in the wall next to a crappy ocean painting I had made a couple years back. Every small detail always caught my attention from a type of plastic on a clip, to a extra piece of hair sticking off of someone's head. I quickly flipped my undercut to the side like my mother had liked, just in case. The doorknob turning swiftly but quick and swung open. "Yes?" My voice came out wrong very quickly and instant regret punched me in the gut. I breathed in held my breath as I grabbed the sleeve of my hoodie.
"Do I have to have a reason to walk into a room in my own house?" I finally dragged my eyes off my sleave and stared at my mother. Like usual she had her long straight brown hair in the messiest bun anyones ever seen, a big black t-shirt hung over her shoulders and yoga pants tightened to her thick legs. Lucky.
"No, I just was asking if you wanted anything or something.." I answered slowly. She sighed and turned around to head towards the door. Right before she met the exit she mumbled "love you sunshine" before closing the door behind herself.
I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket, that's when I noticed the text messages mom had sent me about twenty minutes before she came into my bedroom. " I had spoken with Mr. Lonzo, the principal of Sidney Highschool District. He had lots to say about their school and they even have clubs for students with overthinking minds. They are excepting new student in 2 weeks for the new semester. I assigned you to this, Its best for us both. I hope you forgive me honey, love you."
I narrowed my eyes to the curtains in front of me and groaned. I opened the messages as I texted in response, " Good to know you're looking out for yourself, naybe next time don't be such a principal heavan back stabber." As i closed the phone I stood up straight and headed downstairs where mother had been resting.