The Beholder

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My Ex

My Ex

My Ex’s Reason

She has a lovely smile, the soul of a darn cat. She’s as beautiful as Satan. She is always asking whether or not I love her. I always say it was an old thing; too old of a thing to bother ourselves talking about. She’s not in love with me. I don’t know yet whether I, her. All I know that she is my ex-girlfriend and that I cannot bear to let her ring me and not answer it. She was always saying that I’m a fucking crazy, and I’m always saying she is a lying bitch. Seems we have a great bond and notable ability of getting along. I do always ask her: why don’t we give ourselves another shot? Second chance? She always says: Why?

My Ex’s Shit

I wanted to ring her back. I went to phone then stopped. I gave the wall an absent look. I put on some clothes and walked the streets. A miracle could happen then I can see her walking before me now. The river was reflecting its usual sparkle as a gesture of glamorous laziness. Many couples were sitting and walking here and there. I sat down and I picked at a cigarette and I noticed a cat walking with the same glamorous laziness. She gave me a sharp look and I noticed it was an absent one. Sure, it’s a cat for God’s sake! Who knows? Who gives a shit?! The cat moved away while I was busy looking at some girl’s lusty lips.

My Ex’s Kiss

As she wanted to put a quote for her autobiography, she asked me why I never kissed her. I was too cowardly to answer that I was a coward, but I told her to call me that if it would relieve her. She lifted her coffee mug to her lips and said that I was a fucking coward, but she could understand my reasons. Does she? It will be dazzling to hear why since I don’t even know myself. She said that she never wanted a kiss, so she didn’t encourage me.

She smiled victoriously like she got Random House to print her biography.

My Ex’s Hands

I met her this one day. We had a nice conversation then we both left. A long time after that - and seems like it wasn’t long enough – she thought I was in love with her. She told me once that her hands shook when I told her I was in love with another woman. I didn’t notice that, and I never imagined it. She kept approaching and I kept neglecting. She kept pushing and I kept hiding. When we both were pushing, her hands quit shaking. She told me that when I told her that story she wasn’t in love with me but she felt like if I would love a woman that would be she. And if I did think of a woman, that would be she. My body shook.

My Ex and My Grandma

When she called me by accident she knew. Got silent for a moment then her voice came up deep telling me that she was such a great lady I lost, and that we must meet. I couldn’t refuse, that bothers me like a cat who had to swim. We sat at the cinema hall. She was watching the movie while I was watching her hand. We went to a library we both like after having lunch. We walked the same street we love. We stand before her home after nine hours of “having fun”. She was talking about what my next girl is going look like, and I was thinking of my hand, which got sweaty when I held hers for 15 minutes.

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