The worst thing to ever see is witnessing a murder. Even if it's someone close to you, not family but your boyfriend. First boyfriend who you not only love but would do anything for them to how great and amazing that person was. Like a gift from God that the devil took away and left you with misery, darkness, fear and paranoia. The little thing that came from his death was a bit justice that the killer plead guilty for his own crimes.
It was four of us that night among the crowd of strangers at the party. A party we got invited to but it wasn't our type of entertainment so we were walking to the Birthday twins who's father planned the whole thing. We went to high school together and became friends but after graduation, she went traveling then to a collage overseas in America and I, to a school were I choose a skill and learn it. To further my career the poor people kind of way because not every Jamaica has the change to attend college or university, or even a scholarship to one.
Devon Scarlett and I met at our agriculture skill class where we were studying the parts of a plant when he started flirting with me and I let him dispite my nasty behaviour of shaming persons who annoy me or give me too much of their attention. He died almost five years ago at the age of twenty one while I was Seventeen.
He brought his best friend and I brought mine even though they were ex lovers who still love each other. The party was for the rich and famous Jamaicans or foreigner but it wasn't our scene so we walked over to Shawna McLain and her twin brother Shawn who were talking to their father when we apologize for interrupting them and tell her of our departure and she starts giving us a goodbye hug but as soon as it was Devons turn, he was moving to give her a wrapped gift that came from all four of us when gun fire rang though the entire venue but as most scatter, I was splatted with the blood of the man I love and didn't realize until my eyes connected with a white man from the crowd still has his gun pointed in our direction. My eyes moved to see Devon looking over his shoulder at me with a worried express before it turns to pain as he looks down at himself where he was shot twice in the stomach area then he collapsed. Falling to the beautifully expensive white tiles on the floor painting them red. I stood there frozen in my spot as I watched the single tear that fell from his frighten eyes.
I fainted afterwards, waking up in the hospital where I was questioned by officers but gave no response. It was Shawna who came to the room and asked them to leave, they did and she filled me in on what happen. Her father being a man who was targeted by gang leaders for he was friends with some Monsters in a foreign country. All I heard correctly through that state was "He's one of my bodyguards and he brought himself in to the police where he told them what he did. I'm sorry Kiz, I surely am. Devon didn't deserve it and it's all my fault."
It's stupid really and that made me anger till this day with the way he died. He could've still be alive but he isn't and I blame myself for it sometimes because I could have forced him some more that I didn't want to go to the event.
He died on the spot while bleeding out by his organs being damaged as one of the bullets went though his stomach then grange me on my left arm. Leaving behind a permanent scar of what happend and I tattooed his name underneath it with the words of my love for him. He died thinking it was me who got shot, before he even think of himself.
It wasn't the pained expression on Devon's face, but the one on his killers face. He gave a look of satisfaction then relief as my lover fall like Goliath to the ground. Shaking my heart to the very core, breaking it to millions of pieces.
A pain that's worst than cheating, lying and all that words that I searched to find in the bible and dictionary.
Maybe I was born cursed. My high school crush knew of my love for him then and we spend lots of time together, at school, on the road or around his family but I had to keep it a secret from my family mostly. He left me without a reason and each time I try to get his attention he would pretend to not know me but when we are alone he is basically begging for mine.
I tried to move on real quickly and that's where Devon came in and me made me feel loved in the best way. He was possessive, a bit obsessive and he loved everything about me. He would do anything for me and that was what I called love at first sight for the second time because I too was attracted to him but know that he wasn't a rebound after Zahkeme. I fell in love with the feeling of being loved and a man like Devon love teach and
Witnessing a death with my own eyes is like watching an execution. It's like a form of crucifixion that Jesus went through to save his people. The way Devon was worried about me instead of himself and that action alone had me doing it myself since he's not here to do so.
I took care of myself the best way that I could, even when I had to work different jobs to help his sick mother bury her only son. The same son that made sure his mother was extremely comfortable and had the best medicines and doctors even with his entire paycheck spent. I worked on garbage trucks few hours on the weekends, security at night for a bank, preparing their family farm for market on Fridays with some help and go to classes in the week where I will visit Miss Scarlet before going home to my parents.
I refused help from Shawna and her family but accepted it from community members who were more than happy to give a helping hand. The next thing that break my heart was his mother dying a bit after her son's funeral leaving behind every for me. That includes their family property, farm, the house, a letter and money that I didn't know of that she had.
She instructed me to go to the doctor and do a blood test and when the results came, I found out I was pregnant and it was then that I received another letter from her lawyer that I didn't know, her late husband was a businessman who died leaving a lot that now went to my son, Devin Scarlett who is four years old today. The next part of the letter is of her asking me to know God, because he forgives but not forget and that is what I did.
I moved out of my parents house and into the house that belongs to the love of my life. I created my small farming business by grew to become a huge success.
The 'Scarlett agro industries' grew food that were transported to bigger places like factories and tourism industry. It was what fed my new family and the community. There were times when men would come by themselves or in groups to try bribe me to sell my business to them or become partners, but my son was my partner and he is the future.
I was one of the most successful women with their own businesses in the country but my mother's father was the other partner who was the face of everything. He is a no bullshit man. He was stubborn, strict and friendly when he wants to be but whenever it comes to business it will forever be business. While he now took care of the farm and company, I got a week job in the hotel industry as a maid and it didn't pay too well but I needed all the money I could make without my family finding out about the farm so dirty work was my main source of income for them. That's to Grandfather who came up with the plan and I agreed to be because he hated my father's father. Paul Reynolds was sly as a fox and does everything to make his business flourish even if it meant selling out family.
Paul Reynolds already got my siblings in his web but I was the only youngest that rebels so much he couldn't hold me against my own will. Just as how he nearly caught his youngest son in his web but my father rebels also and became a pastor instead of joining the family business fully. Everyone related to Paul has to work for him, so he could keep them in his sight.
I got out from my car that was parked at the entrance of the preschool slash day care, Orange hill Adventist school that was built on the same property as the church. Whoever painted the walls did a great job by using orange, brown and green like an exact orange with the roof painted in green.
The gates open by another security and I greets him. Walking over to the front desk where an unfamiliar face sat looking at her phone before greetings the inattentive lady. "Hello, good morning."
"Oh. Good morning. My name is Julia, how can I help you?" She asks.
"I'm Kizanne Reynolds and I'm here to pickup my son Devin Scarlett for his birthday outing. I've already notified the principal of my plans..." I started and she smiles while nodding.
"Your son came in happy this morning after his party..." My mother brought him to school with an entire cake that she baked with sweets for the entire class but I had him for the weekends, starting today Friday because they spent enough time with him already. "The principal informed me of everything already. Just sign..."
I took the pen she handed to me and I sign my name then write the time which I came next to my child's name before leaving to go down the hall. Passing colourful closed doors and windows that I can see the children of the difference classes inside followed by talking, laughter, crying and mucic. I passed five doors before I got too Devin's class and I went to the window first. Looking inside to see him staring at a girl behind him with a toothy grin while the teacher attend to a crying child. I moved closer to the door and knock when the teacher look up and smile, walking over with the crying child on her shoulders as she opens the door. "Miss Scarlett, good morning. Principal Grant already informed me of everything, his bags are packed."
"Good morning and thank you, Miss Jarred."
"It's nothing... Devin honey, Mummy is here." Just by those words, my baby look at the door and when our eyes connected, he dashes from his seat and run towards the door with all his might.
"Mummy!" I bend a bit and lift him in my arms, as he squeezes me then showers my cheek with kisses. "I miss you."
"I miss you too baby." I kiss his forehead then took at the teacher who went and return with his book bag and lunch box. "Thanks."
He waved goodbye to his teacher and class then we leaves as I bring him to the car. Strapping him in the front with his bags on the backseat. I got in and starts the car, driving onto the main road. "Mama gimme cake an gummy worms."
"Did you eat everything?" He nods happily as he look outside at the other moving vehicles.
"Yep. Teacher and everyone sing me the birthday song too." He boasts making me laugh.
"Well, I'm bringing you to have lunch with me before we go do some shopping for toys, crayon books, Cupcakes and whatever you want afterwards. After all it's your day."
He shouts a long 'Yeah' as we drove deeper into the town of Hope Springs. He encouraged me to do the shopping first and use the backseat as a changing room for Devin as I help him out of his 4H club shirt and brown shorts with white socks and brown shoes. Now looking like a handsome black prince in his white ironed dress pants and shirt with the two top buttons opens showing off his chain with his name around his neck and also a watch around his wrist. His little afro neat and curly like his father's own.
"I look good like you mummy." He shouts and I grinning up at him.
"Yes baby I do and you look great. Thank you." He grins some more. And I fix my all white body fitted off shoulder dress that reaches a bit above the knee with a small slit. My white laced four inch wedged heels that shows the two small Africa tribal tattoo above and around my ankles. My natural hair blows out into a perfect afro with a matching white cloth tied into a bow at the side. My makeup was a little face powder to keep my family cool, perfect eyebrows and little lip gloss with my diamond earrings and matching necklace with a ring that was given to me by Devon that I wear on my middle finger. The same place he placed it is where it will be whenever I wear it.
The next two minutes was spent walking towards a well known Rastafarians restaurant where we were seated by a table where they adjust the seat for my baby and we ordered seasoned rice with peppered streamed fish that he loves. As we get the food we joined hands for a prayer before digging in. "Not peppery Mummy."
I laughed silently at his whining as he reached for another pack of pepper and stretched it over to me. "Yuh sure you will eat the food if I put this in there?"
He nods quickly so I tear open the left corner of the packet and shakes out a few pepper seeds and seasonings on his fish and gravy. Just as I move to take a sip from my pineapple juice I see the owner of the restaurant walking over so I take a quick sip and put my glass down to set comfortable to give him attitude. "Hey, happy birthday little man."
"Thank you." Devin whispers, going back to eating his fish and searching for bones.
"Now for the lovely lady." I glare up at the Rastafarians standing next to my table with a smirk on his pink lips watching me. Brandon who everyone calls Rasta went to the same highschool I did and was the biggest player. If he didn't look good before he sure looked great now. All taller and muscular with tattoos on his arms and his fine dreads extremely black and neat. He was also the best friends with the popular kids, although he was one but those kids now traveling all the time and they helped out a lot of us who are were unable to send ourselves back to school and I too got an help from the twins, Grace and Chase. Past head boy and head girl of the school that has a famous Asian billionaire father but the father-childen relationship was toxic.
"Wat yuh want Rasta?" I ask.
"You..." He got cut off by someone a good distance behind me calling him from across the room. He look back down at me with a frown. "I'll be back."
"Please don't." His grins wickedly but he left with a small touch on my shoulders before I went back to my food. A few minutes later when we finish our meals and sat there talking but my eyes made contact with a familiar person walking over to me. Shawna.
Dressed in a blood red dress with black pointy heels, her black hair straight into a bob with her expensive jewelry glistening under the lights and her makeup more than flawless. "Oh dear. Kizanne." Her eyes watered and I pushed my chair back, joining her in a hug while I listen to her sob in my ears.
When we pulled away from each other her eyes scanned my body then she grin as wickedly as Brandon. "You look hot!"
"Indeed." Another voice says and I look behind Shawna where some men stood. Her twin brother Shawn was the only one I recognize and as he moves to hug me, he looks down where small hands block him from me. All eyes went on him and the twins gasp out loud drawing attention on us. "He's yours?"
"Yeah." Their eyes when back to me then back down at Devin.
"He looks so much like Devon." Shawna whispers but I hear and so did Devin.
"You know my Daddy?"
"Yeah." She answers.
"He saves mummy's life for me." He brags then look back up at Shawn.
"I know. He sure did." Shawna says, looking at him with tears running down her eyes.
"Oh. These are my best friends Preston and Nicholas." Shawn points to the two men standing behind them dress in business suits like they are here on lunch break. I nod my head to the two white men next to the white skinned twins that I know for years. I was not only uncomfortable but I was nervous by their peircings gazes.
"What's his name?" Shawna asks with tears still in her eyes.
"Devin Scarlett." I tell her.
"Age?" Her brother inquires and I look back over at him but my eyes found sapphire blue eyes staring at me from behind him and I stare back.
"Four years today." I spoke, looking away to make eye contact with my baby. "I have to get my baby home to..."
"You have a boyfriend?" I look over at Shawn who asked the question and shook my head 'no', Wondering what was those questions for. I am usually the one with a reall bad attitude but I'm acting or trying to be civil here.
"I'm back, Kiz baby." The voice of Brandon reached my ears and I groaned out in annoyance.
"Are you two dating?" Shawna ask but I was quick to say 'no' again making Brandon laugh.
"Look, I'm leaving. I want to let my boy enjoy his day." I smile apologetic and I turn towards Brandon with a smirk on my lips. "I'm not paying you for our meals because you took some plants and didn't ask for it, or pay for them, so thank you for the free meal."
"You sly woman." Brandon teased but I just laughed falsely making him laugh harder, taking my bag off the chair, pulling out the purse and put a Jamaican ten dollar coin on the table.
"That too is for you, tip the waiter good for me." I ordered, then look down at my son with a genuine smile. "Come on baby. Tell everyone goodbye."
All he did was wave to the white folks and give Brandon a hug because he knows him. "Can I get your number so we can stay in contact with each other?"
This is what I was dreading but I did what I always do, I turn her down. I still wasn't comfortable around anyone she associated herself with. Those people put everyone around them in danger and that was also the reason for her own mother's as to why she has to say inside their homes everyday so she wouldn't be targeted easy.
In the end nothing good comes from doings bad even if there is a few advantages that is given afterwards.
My eyes connected with the blue eye man who seems as if he could see though my soul but I wasn't allowing anyone else to kill my happiness again. "Please, I haven't spoken to you properly for four almost five years."
"I'm sorry Shawna but times have changed. I don't mean for this to sound offensive but I don't want another person that I love to be killed just for being associated with you or anyone to do with you. I loved our friendship but I love my life more. Nice seeing both of you again, but I wish for this to be the last. Please excuse me." I walked around the table from them after picking up my son in my arms and walking out through the door with my butt giggling and hips moving from side to side as I held my head high.
"I'm not giving up on our friendship Kizanne." Shawna shouts from where I left her and I held my middle up so my son wouldn't see but she could. "I said I'm sorry."
I ignored her and went to my car. Arriving home was a big relief, not only for a tired Devin but he was fighting to keep his eyes from closing but refuses to sleep without brushing his teeth. From that one time I showed him a YouTube video with worms being removed from someone's teeth, he never refuses to brush and he always bring a toothbrush and toothpaste with him wherever he goes and that includes church, school or a party.
We lived in an gated community at the very end where I had a little more leftover space than everyone else and I used it to build more rooms and have a small playground for Devin. Our house was painted sky blue with a bit pink on small designs and fencing. Our four bedroom, three bathrooms at the second level, while the first which is the ground floor has a huge kitchen area with large a dining table, comfortable living area with a huge television on the wall and an home office. Opening the doors with my keys, we remove our footwear on the mat and placed our bags by the shelf next to the doorway after closing the door behind us.
"Go to the bathroom baby. I'll be there in a minute." I rush to the kitchen to warm a bottle of milk for him before walking into his room with the adjoined bathroom. He was naked, sitting on the closed toilet seat when I walked in after putting the milk by his night table. "Come on."
I helped him inside and bathe him quickly, wrapped his body with a fluffy blue towel and bring him to his room as I get him dressed in his favourite tee shirt and diapers incase he forgets to get up and use the bathroom but in the morning he would be unhappy with what I did. Next was powder to keep his body cool as I lotion his feet to keep it moist and not dry, then give him his nippled bottle of natural cow's milk.
His eyes were already closing and I took the next two minutes watching him finished the entire bottle before taking it from his hand and mouth and cover it. Putting him up on a pillow on his side incase he needs to burp so he won't feel an uneasy chest pain in his sleep.
That was all I needed to do for now, before leaving the room and going to my own down the hall even though it was positioned at the front with its own balcony. I got inside and turn the lights on, going towards my bathroom where I spent a few minutes taking a shower before getting dressed in my favourite cotton pink night gown with sock and put my hair in two large cornrows.
Exiting my room, I went back to Devin's to fix him properly in the bed and turned on his night lights then leaves the door half opened. I got his bottle washed for tomorrow night's use, incase he's too tired to do anything. I unpacked our bags, putting each item in its respective places but then my phone rings from my purse and I rush to get it. Seeing as my least favourite brother was calling me so I answer the call. "Hey, wassup."
"Night Kiz. Mih get a call from Shawn who deh ask fih yuh number. Mih fih give him?" He inquires and I hissed my teeth.
"No! Not him or anyone else. If him need mih number tell him it's already taken and to go buy his own." Kemar laughed sarcastically at my joke that wasn't even funny and I wait for him to stop while making a sandwich before I go upstairs to sleep.
"Yuh know it's not like that. When you going to give them a chance?" He ask and that question spiked my anger because he didn't know the entire story and he too wasn't the type to give others chances.
"Not everyone who comes in mih life means dem going to be close friends forever. I have my life to worry about and I don't want it ruined by Shawn, Shawna and their families. I have enough friends already I don't want to be her friend again. Shawna needs to know how to let go of people who want nothing to do with her anymore. She's gets attached too easily and hard to get rid of because of whatever determination she had building inside of that head of hers. I love her once but I want absolutely nothing to do with her or them again. Keep them away from me and Devin, please."
"Okay but tell mih why yuh move weh everytime them get close?" This had my blood boiling more like it has been on fire. Look who's talking although this is the most civilized conversation we have ever had and because if it, I know he's more than inquisitive about know what happened. He would go through hell to find out what I'm hiding.
"Mih hug both Shawn and Shawna, why them a come to yuh like yuh a mih parents?" I asked him with attitude.
"Because them go to wih parents first and yuh know how them stay already. Plus we have no idea of where yuh house is, we need to know yuh location incase of emergencies." He argues in my ears.
"If theirs an emergency then mih friends or brother will let uno know. Until uno stop communication with those people then I'm not telling you all. I'll change my number if I have to so don't think of giving my phone number away. Good bye." I ended the call in his ears and took up my sandwich, biting into it until it's finished. I washed the plates, turned off the lights before walking to my room where I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
Afterwards, I went to bed whispering a small prayer then close my eyes, welcoming the sleep at seven twenty six PM, no where near mine or Devin's bed time.
My thoughts went back, remaining me of what happend five years ago, really slowly and I would be more than happy right now if Devon was alive.
I would still feel loved, appreciated, comforted and happy, like I use to.