Song of Solomon- 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
2:17 Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether.
"I'm just coming back from picking up your test results at school. I did promise you I will buy a bicycle for you if you did well."
"I did. Did I?" Devin ask impatiently though the phone as I was driving to meet up with Devvon Blackburn at the beach to watch the sunset. The theme music of a cartoon played in the background that Grace children were singing to.
"Yes you did but we got to work on your attitude problem at school. Should I tell your Uncle Nas what you did with your papers during painting class?" He cried out a long no causing me to laugh at him. "What about eating in class? Didn't I give you enough breakfast at home?"
"I was still hungry Mummy. Will you call me tomorrow?" He inquires sadly.
"Yes, like every day until you are back at home. You get to spend Christmas with the Sparks family this year and all the children including Nathan and Genesis will be there playing."
Next term when he returns to school, I might have to give him more breakfast to bring with him so he won't finish his break and have nothing much to eat at that time. The school was a bit strict on venders but a lot of us parents have to vote them in because we need them incase we are hurrying and leave money with the kids to buy snacks.
Devin also have a habit of using his pocket money to by toys, overloading his toy box and I started shortening it because a three year old like him wasn't in need of three hundred Jamaican dollars. So he now gets a hundred dollars in coins because he was still learning the types of money and our national hero's on them.
"I remember. Uncle Nas is coming." He whines, realising the small amount of time my brother wants us to use to talk.
He was one strict nigga. He sets rules that where made to be followed and he was that good. Walking around with a straight face but smiles around few people and that includes Grace. He's like the candle wax and she is the heat. Dispite her having children for another man when he was literally begging for her to give him a chance to love her, he loves her children like his own and I can bet they might have one as soon as Grace finishes university. Her billionaire cousin Diamond Sparks and her family, gave her and the other closest cousins a chance to have a college experience.
They spent one years in Los Angeles, California at a University there and came back with the big excuse of loving Jamaica too much to stay elsewhere. Personally, I think they like being free here and the food they misses the most. I don't think I could stay a whole year in another country. I love the expenses here even though it is hard the only problem was the crime and violence.
"We don't want to finish his credit again so I'll call you tomorrow. Goodnight and I love you bubba."
"I love you too mummy." He yelled before I ended the call.
Finally reaching the beach where Dev's car was already parked under a tree. Parking my own, I remove my heels and put on my flats before exiting the car with a small picnic basket. "Boo!"
Screaming, hands went around my waist and lift me in the air before I smell Dev's familiar intoxicating cologne that reaches my nose. He laughs in my ears then puts me back on my feet. Turning to him with a frown, he laughs even louder. "Really?"
"Yes." He laughs, then put his hand in my empty one, leading me down to the beach under a tree where a blanket is already layed out. "You nearly missed the sunset."
"Well I didn't." I joined him on the blanket and went to sit next to him but he pulled me over to him between his legs. "You touch too much."
"It's because you always look so good." Looking up at him while biting my bottom lip, he looks down at me with a smirk. "Like my favourite meal."
"Yuh still on that sir." I commented, looking away but his hand went to my chin and makes me look back at him. "I told you I would change it."
"I don't want you to." His light brown eyes stares right into my dark brown ones, then down to my lips. I did the same and run my tongue over my bottom lip as his pink ones moves closer. Following his actions, his nose brushes lightly next to mine before our lips touch.
The familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach spreads and my heart rate fastens.
It has been so long since I've felt this way. My thoughts were running wild in my head and I was wondering if it was the right thing to do or wasn't it. If one of us regrets this then the new friendships that we have for these past weeks would go to waste.
I didn't want someone to use me. I fear for my heart again that I will give him a chance and it quickly went down the drain. How can I do this? How can I think of or do something sexual with a friend? Someone I haven't know for very long, even though we text and talk to each other on wherever we both have time.
The other thing I might regret is having sex with another man that I might not spend my life with. Sex as the Bible puts it is like sharing a piece of your soul with the person and meaningless romance or a one night stand wasn't my thing.
But three years with it wasn't a struggle but I was sexual active with Devon but since he is gone I couldn't do it with him.
This one time, I may get my release and if it was his goal to use me then so be it. I will be using him also and if my soul is shared then so be it. Times like this I have to thank my father for not having me baptized at a early age. He is a man who believes everyone has a choice and it was mine to do whatever I please before I am ready to be a child of God.
I didn't wait for another thought to clouf my head anymore, so I move my hand up into his short but soft curly hair and connected our lips. Sucking on his lips and we both battle to stay in control. I nearly forgot how great a man's hand can feel on my body. How his big rough hands can touch me in places that I didn't remember a hand could touch. The way his lips could have my brain blank as if I am a fool with no knowledge. That is how stupid I would feel if we go futher and he has no condoms because I haven't seen one in three years.
Turning my body fully to his, I climb on his lap and he grips my ass thought the thin white cloth that didn't hide or cover much of my two peice nude colour bikini.
Moaning when I felt the growing bulge in his beach shorts underneath me, I rub myself in a slow and sensual motion making it harder than it was before. I took my time with him, enjoying the feeling as I get him just where I want to. His grip on my ass tightly as his breathing pattern changes, just want I wanted so I remove my lips from his own despite his sounds of complaints, before my mouth latches on to his neck, kissing and sucking.
Turning him into wet clay for me to mold him as I want and he did. His hold on me loosens and his breath hitches then he suddenly reaches up and grip my neck. "Behave."
Smiling when our dimed eyes stared at each other, trying to catch our breaths, he quickly connect our lips again while my hand went to his lap, ready to bring out his erected penis when he stops me.
"Not here and I'm not... I'm not sure... You are ready for me yet." He breathes holding my chin for me to look into his eyes again.
"Please." I begs, needing a release after all these years and this position didn't help much. "Please Dev, I need you if you want me too."
I really need him to let me remember. The feeling I only dreamt of and awoke with my underwear wet and body sweaty.
"I do, but are you sure?" He breathes.
"Yes!" He kisses me instantly and lifts us up, then wrap my legs around his waist.
I didn't know where we were going but I heard the opening of a car door after a while before my back hits something soft. The backseat of his more expensive car than my own.
Removing his lips from mine, he close the door behind him kissing from my mouth to my breast as he pulls the tied string of my bikini top and I pull his shorts down. With one leg on the front seat and the other... As he search for condoms, finding an entire box. He was prepared but I didn't ask questions.
"What time is it?" I mumbled, fighting to keep my eyes open to the darkness around us and sleep deprived.
The light from a phone that must be his brightens the car a bit and it hurts his eyes by the way he groan. "Uh... Four twenty five."
"Shit! I have to get to work in an hour at least." I cried. "Ow."
"You good?" He ask, rubbing his rough hands on my leg.
"No. I'm sore and I think today is Saturday so I don't have work."
"I'm sorry." He whispers which follows by a small laugh, pulling me closer to him.
"It's okay." I mumbled, pushing his chest a bit. Taking my phone from off floor of the car, I realise my top is complete gone and hanging on the gearshift next to the steering wheel that I reaches over to grab with my other hand covering my breast like he didn't see it for the last few hours. "Fix me up please."
He did with my bikini top and he slowly traces each line of my tattoos then put his head down to my shoulder, kissing the scar which the gun shot made. My body trembles not by excitement but by weakness and I forgot to breathe for a few seconds before he finally took his lips off it.
My heart was beating so hard that I fumbles with the handle of the door and opens it. Quickly getting out and unlock my car, entering it and leaving my bikini bottom in his hands as I drive away. I was shivering all over and it wasn't from the cold air but the scene of what happend flashing before my eyes.
Upon entering my driveway, I realised that Mrs Watts has guest and they were all staring over my fence looking at my vehicle. I need to get inside and I have nothing to cover up with but I remember my emergency bag that is always on the back seat and I reach over for it. Digging for a more suitable underwear to walk for twenty one seconds to my door and another five seconds to open the door, I could only find a period big cotton panty and a thong.
For this wise choice, I would have to settle with the embarrassment of my entire ass out and vagina printed at the front. Not only was the underwear a problem but the limp that I will walk with. No wonder it was called the walk of shame but I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am old enough to do what I please in this nosey neighborhood. Putting on the thong and easing myself into it in my sitting position, I grab my bag and open the car door, putting on my big girl face and walking in my big girl pantie.
Cursing under my breath, I paste a small smile on my face and turn to my nosey neighbor with two familiar guys behind her that I didn't recognize when I for they were under a shaded tree and the sun was just coming up from over the hills. "Good morning Miss Watts."
She hums in agreement and gestures for me to move closer but I was dreading that. "I will come see you after I take a shower. I got sand all over my body."
"Okay dear and hurry. I'm in need of help for making breakfast." She sings and I smile a little wider before rushing around the house where they didn't have to see much of my front or side but my entire ass on display with the little see through fabric still around my waist.
I use the back showers and a clean towel that I always packed in there before entering the house, going straight to my room where I got dressed in sweat pants and a big Tee shirt. I got out some nice cotton socks that warms my feet from the cold December winds, then flats before I leave the house using the back door a shorter way over to Mrs Watts house.
She opens the back door when I knock and her grin instantly widens as she lead me inside though a long hallway with doors on either sides before we enters her huge kitchen and dining area. Her house was three times bigger than my own or others in the community and it looks more luxurious on the inside than the outside because it looks creepy with cats scattered all around.
With Mrs Watts hand on my back, she bring me to the dining table where two pairs of identical twins sat working on computers and typed paper being passed around. A older pair and a younger pair that resembles each other and it frightens the hell out of me. "What did I tell you about bringing work to the table boys. Out!"
They look at her then at me before a smile stretches across their lips that matches two pairs of sapphire blue eyes.
"Hello dear." The older men greets and I wasn't sure which one was the Mayor or not.
"These are my husbands and sons. My daughter is upstairs with my little Granddaughter. They are yet to come down here but come help me out with the breakfast. I don't trust most people so I don't hire any cooks, maids or gardeners. Since I'm a stay at home mom, I do all this by myself just like you do and that proves how good of a woman you truly are."
"Wait what?" I asking, trying to figure out if what she says first was real. But because of her babbling I was trying to think straight. What kind of introduction was that and it was so quick that my ears couldn't pick up what she really says.
I thought this woman lives for people's drama but it seems she has her own. What the hell is going on over here and did she have a twin sister because she sure don't seems like this everyday. Inviting me instead her home because no one ever enters her house before I am one of those nosey neighbors. This community has a talent for be the best at neighborhood watch with a sign of an eye on every turn in to a street.
"Breakfast." She repeats, walking over to the kitchen area and I slowly follows, looking around.
All I did was scramble eggs, toast bread and cut fruits into a large bowl. Mrs Watts did the rest and it was what I called a non- Jamaican breakfast. She made waffles, pancakes and bacon wrapped around sausages. For tea there was Coffee and hot chocolate for the cold December weather as she puts it. Mrs Watts didn't need my help at all.
I was being watched and my limping didn't help either but I didn't hear.
My phone immediately rings and it was Dev calling again. I didn't want to seems suspicious so I answer without a word. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I shouldn't have kissed you there..."
"It's nothing seriously. It just bring back memories that I'm trying to move on from and for that I'm extremely sorry. You don't deserve what I did and I wouldn't want you to do me like that so I really sorry."
"So we're good?" He breathes a breath of relief in my ears, like he was thankful for my answer.
"Absolutely and I will like to do it another time if you don't mind."
"Do what?" He teased.
"Watch the sunset and sunrise together again." I laughed.
"We definitely will. Hey?"
"Yea?" I mumbled, with the phone to my ears as I wash my hands.
"I'm about to go inside a meeting and... His voice paused and I hear a female voice in the background speaking.
"Hey Dev babe, how was work? I made your favourite sandwich for breakfast." The phone fell from my ears and the screen blanked out as it fell to the tiled floor ending the call and I stood there at the sink stairing down at the device with so much confusion.
He was lying to me then got caught in the act. Men.
I dried my hands off on the towel and pick up the phone turn it back on and when it did, I changed the contact name from 'Dev Blackburn' to 'Cheatin Man whore'.
I was that serous with my pettiness.
"Is everything alright?" The voice of the mayor or his twin brother ask.
"Yes sir." I answered, faking a wide smile then squeeze the phone in my hand.
Two different voices came into the room when I was helping Mrs Watts bringing everything to the table. A woman with the little girl from Devin's class, in her arms. "Who is this?"
"My favourite neighbor, Kizanne." Mrs Watts boast, putting a hand on my shoulders then points to a seat between her sons as she puts it. "Boys, pause the work."
Pulling out the chair, I slide down onto the soft seat and place my hands on my lap, waiting. The other two women took a seat around the rectangular glass table and the little girl came next to me and on one of the twins lap.
No prayer was said as they began to pass around dishes and I just sat there watching everything. I settled with toast bread and scrabbled eggs with a bit of chocolate tea. That was when the conversation started and it was directed right at me by the woman who resembles the men in the room.
"So, you are the famous Kizanne Reynolds?" She asks with a frown.
"Uh huh." I hummed softly, sipping the tea.
"The girlfriend of the man my husband shot?" She says and I immediately choked on the tea in my mouth.
"What?" I cough.
"You heard me. Don't worry though, I'm sorry." I stare over at her beautiful heart shaped face and blue eyes staring right at me. "He did his crime, he pays the price."
I was completely frozen in my spot and I push the plate and tea cup away from me. "Excuse me."
Rushing out of the room, I run down the hallway towards the back door I open it, running over to my house with my eyes blurry and cheeks wet. I open my door and lock it behind me. Going upstairs to my room where I find my only comfort. My bed, for I have no strong arms to protect me anymore. Loneliness won't leave me alone.
I found myself in the arms of the only man who has protected me. As he comforted me like I was still a baby. My father, the man of the house and the only man who I trust to be a good councillor as his wife. My mother, a marriage councillor. He was a busy man but he always makes time for me whenever I call and I wish I did when I was pregnant and struggling. Afraid to bring my luggage on the shoulders of my parents but with the help of God and a few persons, I got though the rough times.
I haven't seen them in a while and I was in my childhood bedroom laying on the bed with my parents on each side as I explained what happened.
"I heard he got a girlfriend since recently but their lives are really private. You don't need a man Kizanne and he surely wasn't the one but that doesn't mean you should close to doors to your heart. Learn to love again, you're still young and beautiful." My mother Kadian Whyte spoke.
"Absolutely. I went through more than ten women before I met yuh mother. I didn't fell in love with her on the spot but it was the way she helps me up while the other women pulls me down. I cheated once and she ignored me for a whole year until I got another chance. An to think we know each other for years and she was the one in love with me and I wasn't to her." Winston Reynolds explains, looking over at my mother with a wide smile.
"As he was saying, sometimes you have to look beyond your expectation. You may love someone and the person don't feel the same way but the one you passes might be dying for atleast a greeting or smile from you. A little push of encouragement and they will know that your little frown can turns upside down." She laughs.
"I do smile mummy. I just don't do it often."
"Yeah right." Not believing me at all. "Like father like daughter."
"Yes, like father like daughter. Now tell me what is going on between your siblings, grandparents and yourself?" I look up at my father and get out of the bed, ready to walk out of the house. "If yuh efva."
Standing with my arms folded, I walk towards the window and look outside at the clothing line with my old stuffed animals pinned by the ears, they now belongs to Devin. Much to my dismay.
"Dem up inna mih business like mih a public space. Mih raise Devin without them help and since recently dem wah come tell mih wah fih do. When everyone did business with themselves, mih affi deh fed fih mih self. I didn't need their help then and I don't need it now. They need to know that whatever that doesn't concern them, that they should leave it alone or there will be problems."
"So all this because them get Shawna fih talk to you again?" Mummy ask.
"No. Mih trust them fih babysit Devin and them bring him along with them without asking me. Then no one but mih friends come and apologize. An don't even ask if that's why mih quit, mih just want to live mih life without family like them a try control me."
"Mih will talk to them. Come let's go watch me entertainment channel."
By entertainment channel, daddy meant the local news that was flooded by politicians or the music channel, but it was the music this time and Zara's reggae music video was on the top ten. A song she did with her boyfriend David Stone called 'High standard'.
This was my song and I put a grin on my face and sit getting comfortable between my parents who looked more focused on the song than myself.
"- and I want you for myself.
Don't think it's wrong to have high standards,
But mih no like embarrassment..."