Song of Solomon- 8:10 I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.
8:6 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
I planned to spend the rest of the afternoon with my parents but as soon as the presence of my siblings are known, I put my invisible tail on my back and run. Every siblings have competitions and it was Nas and I against Kemar and Natasha.
They called our older brother and I, outlaws and unruly. Since their perfect lives began with the best schools, collage, best grades, no failure and the perfect pastor's children. My brother and I, did finish high school but going for a skilled class we both dropped out the first year.
I got pregnant and have my first boyfriend who died, leaving me as a single parent with bearly no support. Nasmear followed in his father's footsteps and went for a gang life, making more money than a real job could. He did good and helped the good guys catch the bad guys. Kind of like a private investigator or spy. He has skills, good at math, photographic memory and belly with no bottom. Literally. Than man could eat in large portions and he only eats from a few persons. His trust level wasn't too high and I know because I pranked him one and he became weary of me every since and that was about twelve years ago.
"Why are you leaving now?" Kemar ask, walking over to our parents as I started putting on a little make-up before I leave to go home.
"I need to get home." I flatly answered, pressing my lips together to spread the lipgloss.
"Why?" He quizzed, getting me a bit angry.
"Because I live there."
"Where do you live Kiz?" Our sister ask this time.
"In a house."
"I mean where is that house located." She pushes and I hear mummy hiding a laugh under her coughing.
"Jeezam peace. You're like a brick wall sometimes." She breathes, falling onto the couch with her hands massaging her temples.
"Bricks are old, I prefer steel with concrete and don't worry. Where I live is no one's concern."
"Kizanne behave yuh self." Daddy warns.
"Sorry. I'll call you and mummy later so goodbye." I replied, putting the purse over my shoulders and left the house despite the calls I was getting from everyone.
I don't hate my two other siblings but I don't want to so I keep a good distant away from them. Reason one, Natasha once blames me for ruining her first relationship when she saw her boyfriend whispering in my ears but from her point of view, it seems we were kissing. He was trying to suprise her and she came to us and slaps me across the face. He told her the truth while I throw the gift in the box at her head before leaving. I was sixteen at the time and she was eighteen, real foolish to think I was interested in anyone I only know for a week.
That time, I was more focused on a little boy crush I had in school and how it was also a lost cause because Nas was watching me if he wasn't watching Grace. Everyone knew of him and was scared so they kept their distance from me. Boy best friends was a big no no, until now I still have to hide it, just like my boyfriend Devon. He only knew when finding out I was pregnant and nearly beat my ass because he was the one sending me to school and not my parents. They didn't think I was ready because I was still young but look how that turns out.
My father didn't care because he finally got to be a Grandfather but mummy kept her distance. She didn't want me to end up like her when she had Nas, but look how happy she is now. At least I'm not my sister who is afraid to give the man that loves her a chance.
Kemar do hates me. He has a white girlfriend after he travels to America for whatever reason, I don't know and bring her back with him. I made a comment about black people during slavery not knowing she was around and I thought she took it personal. I apologize and explained my situation to her and she understands then forgives me, but he didn't. My comment was 'Some white people finds pleasure in causing problems with the blacks or mixed. But I can honestly say that we are a handful so they feel the need to do something about it even though it is not their business. They were the ones who took our ancestors from where they should be. Now there is so much racial discrimination in the world.'
Leave it to Kemar who pretend to be faithful to his beautiful Lee Blackwood. Jamaican men will always be an island man.
What is the point in bringing sand to sea when it already has its large amount.
Meaning, wasting your time to bring your woman somewhere, when the place you go has more than enough to satisfy you.
There were times when I want to tell her but I was never the person to ruin something. In the end it is Lee who can tame him or put him in his place. There is nothing better than a head strong woman behind a man who thinks he is everything, with or without her but he isn't.
My house was in complete darkness when I got there and I was thankful for the street lights as I open my door and enter the house, locking it behind me with a loud sigh. I wouldn't be going to church again this Sunday due to my feelings of having a sexual relations with a man that didn't belong to me. Sin was sweets but I wasn't use to it and it puts me in an uncomfortable place.
I immediately stripped down to my underwear, playing some Jamaican music on the television and went around the house turning on the lights. My phone was on mute and it was in my purse so I wasn't interested in anyone calling me.
Going inside the kitchen, I took out the bottle of alcohol hidden behind some wheat cereal Devin hates and walk back into living area, connecting the music to the Speakers in the entire house and I know full well my closest neighbors will be hearing a bit or just the vibration but I didn't care.
The matching nude lace underwear, matches my complexion so well that I look completely naked. My natural hair let out into a huge afro and I feel at ease to finally being able to feel so free. Like I was in prison for so long and this was my freedom.
Reaching my room, where I didn't pay much attention to the window that looks over to Mrs Watts house. I turn off the bright lights and let the flashy LED lights do the job as the song 'Drunk text' came though the speaker and I took a big sip from the bottle before singing to the words.
"Drunk texting you, trying not to get in trouble..."
Did a small spin next to my bed and laughed.
"Been drinking rum, trying not to get in trouble,
How could you not want me, fuck you the best and you know,
Still hope you reply, last time you left me dry..."
I put the bottle on the night table and went over to the television that connects with the one downstairs if I wanted and I watch the video while twerking.
"-Should a turn off me phone, sober mih wouldn't wah text you,
still hope you reply, last time you left me dry... I've be drinking, I've been smoking, I've been thinking about you,
I'm so high off my mind, Just trying to pass time... I want you all to myself..."
I found myself digging through the back of my top underwear drawers. Taking out rolled weed and a lighter next to four small fifty bags of not so fresh marijuana.
Lighting the big head as I put it to my lips and take a deep draw, filling my mouth with smoke then to let it go up to my nostrils where it came though smoothly.
"Mih still young, jus a girl having fun, sorry fih the misunderstanding...jus a forward nuh ready fih setting down..."
The next song 'Young' by the same artist Stalk_Ashley came from my mouth as I listen to the words while enjoying the feeling.
"Still no waste man cah get none, mih standard up and it neva drop,
Squeeze mih neck, squeeze mih breast,
You dweet best, you relief mih stress, come pantie less no need fih undress, sex without toys a dih best."
Taking another draw from the buring weed, I climb on the bed to relax a bit.
"God go wid yuh cah mih nah come,
Tell me you want me fih yuh self, no wah share me with nobody else,
Tell you a no that me a medz, do nuh Tek set, if yuh bringing me stress..."
I close my eyes for a while until the song finishes while I wait on the other, I put the big head or blunt as some calls it, over the edge of the bed and flick the already burnt area on the tiled floor. When 'The side chick' song started, I quickly got up and stands on the floor to dance looking at the television, saying the words by heart.
"-me up inna me feeling fih a next gyal man, me know if wrong but it neva plan, normally me a wife me no hold side bitch position... Plus him know me nah go confront no gyal, not the type fih search and contact no gyal, if me see them together me in mah feelings, but still me nah leave him."
I did a little twerking here and there then a whine like I was born to do it.
"The original side chick song, mih up inna me feeling fih a next gyal man... Me well alert and mih know me can get hurt..."
Singing like it was an anthem, a pledge and on top of my voice followed by a laugh when it was finished and another called 'Company' by Alkaline starts.
"All mih want is some company, nobody fih stress me, nobody fih call, call me... any time yuh horny... Hey, some man no wah share dem girl wah do dem bredda yah. You think she a fu_k you alone, you lick yuh head... Yuh wah see har when she drunk in a me bed bredda, you wah see when me give har weed and it lick are head I-yah, Or whenever... She wah me push back har leg eno... But nothing serious, hey..."
This is my favourite and I stopped dancing but continue singing as I walk over to the glass door to open it. To let fresh air inside and I step outside on my small balcony.
"Me wah somebody weh no want me, somebody dih fu_k mih today, tomorrow and no call me. Weh mih deh yesterday, no ask me. Mih too busy a worry bout mih self and money... Sexy alone an nothing more... All me want is just some company..."
I took the remaining time to finish the blunt, sitting on the single chair and rest my feet up on the metal railing enjoying the cool breeze on my body.
Feeling eyes on me, I look around and my eyes then connected with the two pairs of blue eyes.
Who puts their home library on the second level of a house? This woman's twin son's are in a extremely bright room with books covered the walls and they stood with their arms crossed across their broad chests. Reading glasses on and unreadable expressions on their faces. Rolling my eyes, I took the last draw of smoke and blow it in their direction, throwing the rest in my flowers pot before standing. Walking back inside where I turn down the volume a bit and bring the remaining drink with me.
I wasn't drinking but I still feel as if I was floating. I know what I am doing but everything was slow and steady, relaxed and comfortable, high. Putting the drink back, I went over to the refrigerator and took out my whipped cream. Grab a hand of bananas then went to my living area couch but a loud knock came to my door and I get comfortable.
I was really hungry for this right now and as I went to peal the first banana the knock came even louder and I marched over to the front door. Unlocking the door then opens it where I came face to face with the twins. "What!"
"Please lower your music. Our daughter is trying to sleep." One says.
They both stood there in a black tee shirt and grey joggers, staring down at me. One more focused than the other by the way I was practically naked at the door. "Our?"
"Yes! We both fu_ked the same woman and she gave us a daughter." The weed and alcohol was surly messing with my head then and I took a step back, walking inside to turn the volume down a little more.
The next thing I know is bumping into a hard surface that wasn't there before and l move to take a step back but couldn't.
The two men where blocking my way and that was when I got up. Being awakening by loud knocking on my front door, music still blasting though the speaks that connected to the television and a faint headache.
I yawrned and my breathing smelling of the drink I had last night. I got up from the couch and went over to the television then unplug the cord before wiping the sleep away from my eyes as I walk towards the door. Not caring about what's I was wearing.
Instead of twin brothers that I dreamed about, it was two police officers. Two familiar police officers and a small crowd of nosey neighbors outside my gate looking inside. Sehanna's cousins, Jahmar and Hahkeem. They were looking right at me with open months and widen eyes before a laugh escapes them both.
Two Sparks men looking like twins, standing six feet, few inches tall on my front porch in their uniforms. "You two do love a seen, don't you?"
"Yes!" They replied at the same time before stepping inside like they own the place.
Opening the door wider to let them inside, I slammed it shut behind them then turn to them as quickly as I could. "Who tell uno where mih live?"
The look at me then at each other then back at me before laughing again. Rolling my eyes, I went over to my coffee table where banana peels are piled on each other next to the can of Whipped cream. "Yuh have a fun night last night mon." Hahkeem teased.
"I did. One girl partying by herself in a empty house is fun and exciting. I felt so sexy last night that I run around in each room naked making each furniture clap and cheer me on." I sassed, walking into my kitchen to dispose of the things in my hands.
They chuckle this time and joins me in the room, going to my fridge and I took a seat on a stool by the island half naked, watching them.
"Oh, I almost forgot that the cockroaches where my bodyguards. They didn't cock block me. Now tell me how the hell uno find mih yaad!"
"Wife family lives up here and your older brother ask to check up on you." Jahmar replies.
"And or why?" I quizzed.
"Same thing we do with Marijuana and Xamikah." Hahkeem explains, bringing out a tray of eggs from the refrigerator with lettuce, tomato and sliced cheese.
The oldest brother took the bread, drying pan, oil and work the stove.
"You mean watch us so we don't have a man's company?" I inquire with attitude.
"Absolutely." Jahmar agrees, with a crack of the first two eggs against each other and it came out perfectly without a shell falling out of place.
"You all know that we girls are grown like you all are. Nas needs to stop watching me and your sisters needs no watching either." I points out, reaching for a grape from the display in the middle of my island and puts it in my mouth, eating it then reaches for another.
"Mih tired fih have this conversation." Hahkeem admits and we all agree. "Nice neighbors you have out there."
"Thanks. They never see a police and the chef of police or the famous Sparks brothers who are always on television that is not only for entertainment but after busting the bad guys. Two men in my yard at once, in their uniforms and I open the door looking naked even if I'm not. Next thing I will hear is I'm having sex with two men at once and as soon as my son is out, the door is open for men to come in." I speak in one breath, making both men look at me then back to what they were doing.
"We got someone watching the house so don't think we or your brother won't know whoever you bring here." Jahmar says and I choke on the grape that I just put in my mouth.
"This is my house and you both or my brother can not. Can. Not. Do anything to any man that I bring here. I am twenty two years old and I don't need my brother watching my vagina like he is a waste man. I'm not watching him or Grace." I argues, looking at the warm sandwich that Hahkeem passes to me. "Thanks. But I can do bad all by myself."
"You're welcome and don't think we don't know about your little sexual activity on the beach side with the Prime minister's son."
Jahmar's statement made me freeze in my spot and I look over at him instantly. "How?"
"You." The other brother mumbles with a sandwich filled mouth.
"What mih do?"
"Yuh mother tell yuh brother but I had his phone and all three of us heard it. We don't want you mix up with another woman's man." Nodding my head with a frown at their confessions, the next thing I did was eat.
My mother or parents in general will never know anything about me or hear anything from me again. My mother always gives her first son the permission to do whatever he thinks is best for me and that was when the Sparks brothers comes in. Once you are involved with one, all the family is on your side. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut about my teenage crush on Zahkeme their parents' number sixteenth son. I learnt my lesson of approaching someone I like and telling them of my feelings because it is embarrassing on both sides. He was on the phone with Jahmar and Rahmar the eldest when I suddenly tells him and my brother was not too far behind as he was at my school as my guardian for a Parent/teacher association meeting.
Zahkeme went to the all boys high school the next community over to ours and they normally visits for a special class that they don't have at their school and they usually play football on the opposite team.
He didn't want any commitment so early in his life but he was someone who kept the boys from me and own me as his own but as soon as I tell him how I feel, he says he was doing it for my brother. He lied, his sister marijuana told me he was telling their parents that I am his girlfriend but brings me around for show. Using me but no using me because he likes me too but pretending not to.
He kisses me when he pulled me to his bedroom and that was when we got caught my these two and my brother Nas before he pushed me away and I fell nearly twisting my ankles while trying to balance myself. I ignored him till this day and when he found out I was pregnant, he lost it and starts bad mouthing me. From disrespect to acts of disgust, but he can lie and pretend all he wants. No girlfriend he has will never be like me because he is too busy watching me instead of them. Obvious by his OCD problems.
"It's Zahkeme isn't it?"
They both nod and I look down at my plate and sigh audibly dropping the sandwich. I haven't seen him in a long while but I didn't want to see him again, anytime soon. He is more smarter than Nas and whenever someone in the family needs help, he will be there. I don't know how he works or what he do exactly but he is good. So good that he found me and Devvon on the beach side inside a car on private property because I didn't tell my parents that part.
Laughing at nothing in particular, I took up the sandwich and put another bite into it and starts to chew but as I swallowed, I look up from my plate and at the two brothers.
"If uno a bull buck, mih a duppy conquerer. Go fih uno army, mih a guh fih mih tanker. Nas too fu_king annoying him reminds me of sinus. Watch me all uno want. Mih nah mek this p_ssy full up a cobwebs. Hurry eat and leave. Mih still young and mih going to enjoy mih self."
Bringing the sandwich with me, I went upstairs just as it finishes and I took a cold showers, quickly blows out my hair and put it into two jail bird cornrows then got dressed. Braless in a Tube top and a short shorts with my ass cheeks showing nothing, not even my T-string underwear. Going back downstairs where the brothers are, I ignored their warnings and took a selfie on my phone with them in the background and a grin on my face.
Posting it on my WhatsApp status where my brother has to see it then turn to the man in the room. "I'm leaving."
I went through my purse and made sure I have my credit cards and car keys before closing it and putting it in my hand. My phone has so many messages, notifications, missed calls and voicemails but the first person to call me on face time is my brother and I answer it.
His expression use to scare me but now it don't. But the eyes he is giving me over the phone is deadly enough to have my body in goose bumps that show how must be can be on a daily basis. "Stop behave like likkle pickney and tek dat dung."
"Stop behave like mih fada and stop gave people a job fih watch mih." I argue back.
"Nuh mek mih come ova dih fih yuh." He warns and I laugh.
"Come big bredda. This might be the first but it won't be the last time mih do it. If yuh come beat mih, me a go beat yuh back, just like that."
"Nas! Stop and lef yuh sister alone." Grace shouts in the background and they began to argue.
"Yuh see the picture of how she dress babes? A man she wah fih see har body..." He starts again but she stop his comments.
"If you stop her, then expect me to wear what she is wearing and I'm not playing. I have more followers than her on my socials and I will not be posting it on just a WhatsApp status. Choose wisely and be careful." She warns and the line went silent while I pray a silent prayer.
"Cho. Do what yuh want until yuh get back Devin. But don't mek mih angry Kizanne, mih nah play wid yuh." He says and I grin.
"Thank you. Now later, I'm going grocery shopping and boyfriend hunting."
"Don't push it." With that, he ends the video chat and I follow the brothers out the door and close it behind me.
"Tell the family 'Hi' fih mih." I tell them before entering my car and drives out of the yard behind them, leaving the nosey neighbors watching me.