"He likes you." Shawn whispers in my ear and I look over at him with a frown. "What?" I whisper back. We are currently in youth service and our youth leader is talking. We are all sitting in a half circle listening carefully to every word she is saying. Well I'm trying to listen but Shawn keeps putting his hand on my thigh knowing very well it's gonna drive me crazy. I just hope no one is noticing.
"The dude sitting across from you, I think he likes you." He whispers again. I look up and see Jake looking right at me but soon looks away when he sees me noticing. Why is he looking at me? "I told you." He says with a chuckle. I swear he is gonna get us in trouble. Shawn doesn't like following rules. He just does whatever he likes.
I roll my eyes at him and put my index finger infront of my lips, signaling him to shut up. He completely ignores me and puts his hand on my thigh again. "Just watch his face." He says and once again I look over at Jake. He is staring at Shawn's hand on my thigh. His facial expression looks irritated and mad. Why would he be mad we don't even talk? He looks up directly into my eyes. We stare at each other for a moment. I have never noticed how attractive he is.
Shawn slaps his hand hard on my thigh causing me to look away from Jake. "Pay attention." He says loud enough for everyone to hear. Great now everyone is staring in our direction. I apologize and look down in embarrassment. Why does he always have to embarrass me? I'm so gonna punch him in the face.
After youth service we all went to my youth leaders house to socialize a little. "I can't believe you did that Shawn. Your the one who told me to look at him." I whine. I don't like it when he is being a jerk. He rolls his eyes at me and sticks his middle finger out in my face. "Why the fuck are you still stuck on that?" He loudly says. I groan in annoyances. He is doing this on purpose just to irritate me. He knows he isn't suppose to cuss but once again he is doing whatever he feels like doing.
I have been begging him for weeks to come with me to youth but he just refused so I had to take drastic measures. Well not really but I just threatened to not talk to him again if he didn't come with me. And as always I get what I want cause he could never live without me.
I think he is more irritated at the fact that I'm pretending to be who I'm not. I'm not the good little church girl that they think I am. I'm just pretending to be. If I had a choice I would not come back to this place ever again. All my life I had to be the perfect little church girl but I just kept getting hurt in the process. I always put other people's needs infront of my own when they didn't give a shit about mine.
That all changed when I met Shawn. He is like the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I don't know what I would've done without him.He help me out of the darkest time in my life and never once judged me. I also did somethings that can't be undone. I know I should have just stopped it before it had gotten any further but I didn't want to.
I loved God and we had the best relationship but I just don't want anything to do with him at the moment. He sees all of the things that's going on in my life but he doesn't do anything about it.
Church is suppose to be a place of love, of safety but instead its the most hateful and dangerous place ever.
"Hello." Shawn waves his hand infront of me. I grab him by the arm and pull him outside. "Stop embarrassing me. I told you to behave but you don't listen. Just for one night Shawn, one night I ask you to nice but no you just do what ever the f..." He shuts me up by smashing his lips on mine. And just like that I forget I'm even mad at him. I grab his shirt pulling him closer and stand on my toes.
He pulls away and I groan at the loss of contact. "Nooo don't stop. Kiss me again." I whine attempting to pull him close again but he smacks my hands away. "Look behind you." He nods behind me. Oh no please don't tell me everyone saw especially not my sister. Just don't panic Jay-lynn, just breath and turn around. I slowly turn around and sigh in relieve. It's just Jake standing there staring at us. "I told you he likes you."