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By Jack Knorps All Rights Reserved ©

Romance / Drama

(Part 1) Geometry




I was fifteen the first time I cut myself. I don’t know why I did it. I think it had something to do with not feeling justified in my pain. I think it had something to do with nobody else ever caring how I felt. I think it had something to do with the lack of real danger in my life. So I cut, I felt a threat, and I felt a balance. I was in search of equilibrium. I was in search of a connection between my mind and my body.

Nobody else knew I cut myself (except for one). I never cut too deeply, or had any serious medical emergency. Nobody ever saw my scars either—or at least they never mentioned them. My favorite places to cut myself were my arms and my chest. Sometimes I would try to carve in miniature tattoos there, but the cuts were never deep enough to make an impression. This was when I was fifteen, and first discovered self-mutilation.

The first time I ever cut myself, I had failed a geometry test. When I got home, I told my parents I failed it, and they asked me how I could be so dumb to fail at geometry. I told them I thought it was hard. They said geometry was only about shapes, so it was easy. I said it was more complicated than that. They said they weren’t aware that geometry had changed its rules in the last thirty years. I told them it was hard for me anyways. They told me I better not fail my next test in the class.

I went up to my room and took out a razor that I had been given prematurely as a stocking stuffer. I had no need to shave at that point, but I had the razor. I pulled the right sleeve of my shirt up, and I made three equal incisions, pushing hard, watching the untouched skin become broken as it gave way to bloody trails. I was trying to cut out a triangle. That is, I didn’t want to cut out a piece of flesh in the shape of a triangle, but I wanted the cuts to make the outline of a triangle. Blood slowly seeped down over the area, and any thought that there would be a clean triangle left in the spot was forgotten. What I left was a messy splotch. It was sloppily done. But I saw the blood, and looked at my arm in a mirror, and I was glad I had done it. I was proud of myself. It was the first time I had changed the appearance of my body through my own immediate will. I stayed in my room for another hour or two until the bleeding had been fully clotted, and I went downstairs for dinner with my parents. They asked me what I was so happy about, since I had been so embarrassed and sullen earlier in the day and I just said that I was happy that tomorrow was another day to start afresh.

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Further Recommendations

zoheusher20: What more can I say? The writing style and little details drew me into the book and for the entirety of the story I was Juliet. I felt her turmoil and emotions and every trouble or triumph as they arrived. This story was very different and had quite a few little but unexpected twists that made it...

Norah: I seriously loved this story so much. I think it only took me two days... I wanted to yell at all the characters at least once. The build up was amazing too! I also was really surprised at the ending with the cliffhanger. Much luck!

Ilanea Zavala: I loved it and well I really hope you continue writing more to the story.

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cato50802: this book is truly well developed and truly captivating, I thoroughly enjoyed every part of the book. there are little to no grammatical errors, and the characters are very interesting. it’s one of those books that’s hard to stop reading!

N_F_G: This story was fantastic! It was really enjoyable, and the characters and locations felt real to me as I read the story! Celeste was an amazing character, who survived all her struggles, and I felt the author did an excellent job writing about suicide and self harm- in a sensitive, authentic mann...

Nanasha: I thought I'd written a comment on this story, but for some reason, I guess it didn't go through. Anyway, so this story is intensely addictive. I liked how the author uses established mythology but then gives it a unique twist. The idea of goblins all coming from the head of the king is an ama...

Mary Abigail: I have always been a serious reader but reading romance has always been an outlet for me to be happy and this, makes me happy. It's entertaining with just enough drama and maybe a bit more - I do need more.

Ro-Ange Olson: This is such a different romance story. I loved it. The book was very long and could be split into 2-3 books in my opinion, but I'd hate to have to wait to read the next part too. I loved the chapter from Darius's point of view. It was a really different way for the writer to cover time and also ...

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