“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain
“Oh God...” a soft sob escaped and broke the ear-deafening silence in the room.
“Why isn’t she coming around?” a male voice asked desperately, his voice broken and small.
What... what’s going on?
“The operation on her left leg was a success but her brain injury may take a while to heal. Could have been the excessive bleeding previously and/or the lack of oxygen to the brain.”
“So... what does this means? She’s in a vegetative state? Is this permanent? Will she ever wake up?”
I recognise that voice.
And for that instant, I wanted to call out to her so badly. To reach out to her and comfort her that everything’s going to be alright, so please don’t cry.
But I can’t.
I can’t stop panicking in that vessel of mine and I can’t calm myself down. What leg, what are they saying? What operation? Why can’t I feel my body, why can’t I move?
I have never felt so trapped in my own body.
The sobbing and stillness did not help much either. I was panicking so hard from my body’s lack of respond. The sound of my parents weeping started fading, and suddenly I was all alone at the top of a skyscraper, balancing on a thin semi-translucent thread.
My heart nearly stopped as I realised that I was balancing on something so fragile and may snap any moment.
It was absolutely horrific.
I couldn’t differentiate whether if I was in a vivid dream or a terrifying reality. I was like an elephant on a tight rope. At the moment in that situation, all I could focus on was to not fall. Because it was clear that if I slip, it is the end.
I don’t want it to end.
I was only 23 years old. I don’t want to die just yet. I have so many things I have not tried, much less done. I can’t just... fall like that and let my life slip past my grasp.
As if to deter my newly found courage and resolution, a strong gust of wind swept me off my feet and pushed me off the strand of thread. I didn't even have the time to scream.
A gasp escaped me as I could do nothing but let myself fall from the skyscraper. Gravity pulled hard. My whole being felt as if they were being swallowed by air.
My adrenaline kicked in and I was struggling so hard in mid air. The ground seemed so far away and the fall seemed never ending. I caught sight of the sky. Funny how I see the deep blue sky only now when it was just before my eyes.
I stopped struggling and instead, let my arms out shakily. I started panting a little as I relaxed my body and arms slightly. I let my arms even further out, this time more confidently as my posture now resembles a bird.
The sky was my only salvation; the clouds my comfort. I reached one of my hand out towards the beautiful sky, a small smile slipping onto my face as I felt tears streaming down my numb cheeks.
I used to like gazing up at the sky.
When I was little, I would spend hours and hours staring at that boundless haven. I would wonder if there was really a castle hiding behind those white fluffy clouds. I would wonder how those marshmallow looking clouds taste like.
How could I have forgotten all about these beautiful moments?
I clenched my fist, the one that was reaching for the unattainable, as more tears pooled my eyes. My vision blurred for the longest while.
But then I understood.
My vision of the world was long blurred and tainted.
Looking back on my life, I remembered; what happened to me. I matured and I grew up. I remembered how I little by little forgot about that one dream I had when I was younger – to learn astronomy.
How... how could I have forgotten all of this?
How on earth did I forget all about this dream that made my eyes once sparkly and full of life?
Even when I was clenching my hand so tightly, even when my nails are digging so relentless into the flesh of my palm; I couldn't feel any pain at all.
And that pains me the most.
At that moment, as I fell, I gazed at the silver-string so high above my reach.
I realised, life is so fleeting.
A sickening loud snap broke my train of thoughts.