If I was dreaming normally, I would have woken up by now. The fear and impact of the fall would have jolted me out of delirium. But the thing is, I couldn't get myself to wake up at all.
I have absolutely no control of my mind. I was simply brought back to the ward, back into my bounded body. It was as if the previous fall had been a joke all along; a trick played on me by my own subconscious.
A wave of dread rippled through me as a sense of alienation kicked in.
I could hear voices. And I could pinpoint whose voices they belonged to. Anger and distress surged up within me. I was screaming so loudly, but my voice wouldn't reach them. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life.
As I endured the growing pain internally, I heard Courtney stifling her sobs; her voice croaky and hoarse. My heart twisted in anguish when she gave in to her overwhelming emotions, and broke down finally.
"I miss you so much, Rhene," she whispered, squeezing my hand tightly. Small droplets of tears dripped onto my arm, trickling down my wrist.
That one absolute worst feeling in the world stabbed straight into my left chest as I felt a drop of tear trace my cold cheek. That tear held all of my vulnerability and so much fear.
I miss you too. I miss you so, so much, Courtney.
I want to hug my best friend so badly. I want to tease her that she looks absolutely horrendous when she cries. But more than anything, I want to embrace her and tell her repeatedly that I missed her too.
It was then I felt her froze in shock. A gasp escaped her as she breathed out in disbelief, "R-Rhene?"
I could hear tinge of hope hiding behind her voice as another tear escaped from the corner of my eye. Courtney sniffed and rang her voice out desperately for a nurse. "She responded! Somebody, please, come in and take a look at Rhene!"
Heavy footsteps came into the room and I could hear more voices as I slowly slipped back into that inviting dark abyss. Last thing I remembered faintly was a light shone into my soulless eyes before tumbling down the black hole.
If wonderland exist, this must be it.
As I sinked into oblivion, I saw many mirrors floating around me; all reflecting different timeline of my life. I stared in awe as each and every one of them previewed bits and pieces of my life. 'Amazing...' I commented innerly. a little overwhelmed by the movies that were playing in the background.
I drifted for a while, enjoying my ability to stay afloat in air. I felt surprisingly free and each second passing by made me strangely fearless.
I jerked slightly from shock as Courtney's voice called out to me all of a sudden. I turned around, searching for the source of her voice.
"Rhene," she called out again, her voice light and distant. "Are you done?"
I looked all around me, bewildered and totally confused. That's when I saw it. One of the many mirrors was glowing. I couldn't make out what was being shown in that particular mirror. But it was a beautiful mirror; it was small and has intricate designs craved all over the circular frame.
As I got closer to the mirror, my breath got hitched in my throat. I wet my lips subconsciously, my eyes focused on the contents.
"I'm starting to regret this," Courtney laughed, the corners of her eyes crinkling a little.
"Don't laugh! Oh damn, look what you've done," the sixteen-year-old me protested with a frown.
I watched that scene with a smile creeping onto my face, my entire being getting all warm and fuzzy.
"You have been lining my eyes for hours!" Courtney complained, her eyes shining in amusement.
"Shush, don't disturb an artist working on her masterpiece," I struggled to thicken the line without messing it all up. "Ow! Girl, what are you doing? Trying to poke my eye out?" Courtney cried out with a loud hiss.
I giggled with a sheepish look on my face. "Opps, my bad."
Courtney shot me a dirty look, "I'm done being your so-called model. My ass hurts."
Chuckling softly at the sidelines, pure joy fostered within me. That was the first time we have ever touched makeup. Drawing that line onto your eye with an eyeliner was such a mission impossible.
Luckily, Courtney was kind enough to be my guinea pig. Well, actually no; she whined and complained loads before finally agreeing to let me do her makeup.
Of course we all know how this ends.
My smile turned slowly into a grin when I saw Courtney finally taking a look in the mirror. A loud shrill pierced the silence and my laughter soon followed.
"Holy crap. Holy moly tony crap. Who on earth is this!" she gaped in bafflement. "Rhene! What have you done to me? I look..." Courtney nearly fainted.
I let out a satisfied laugh and gave her a thumbs up. "But you got to admit, your brows are on fleek though!"
The look on Courtney's 'disfigured' face was priceless. A small laugh slipped out of my mouth.
The mirror then went completely blank, as if it has never showed me any of those moments with my best friend. I gazed sadly into the empty mirror. Guilt then gripped me hard as I reflected on my friendship with Courtney. She is my best friend. We were like sisters. We were so close... keyword here: were.
And I am guilty.
As we grow up, maturing from sixteen to twenty three, our relationship grew slightly apart as each year passes by. The girls that used to worry about tests and get smitten by their idols, grew up.
Instead of worrying about tests and examinations, we started realising that life itself is a test and examination. Instead of getting completely head over heels with our idols, we started wearing stockings and heels to work.
Again, I wonder... when did our mindset change?
The girls that used to be close, drifted apart unknowingly as each of us had 'better things' to do in life. We used to meet up every Saturday at the cafe down the street and talk all day long about the most random things. Saturday was our day.
Now, it's a blessing to even meet up with each other once a month. I blinked, my eyebrows furrowing tightly together as I reflected. I didn't even realise the distance that was growing between Courtney and I. My breathing became shallow as I stared into emptiness, my chest feeling a little hollow.
Why did I only see the distance now? Isn't it funny how we only start learning lessons after something major has happened; how we then realise the importance of that special someone.
I took a deep breath and let out a deeper sigh. I have got so many things to say to Courtney but the sad thing is, I can no longer tell her any of these.
The saddest part of my regret was that I haven't even thank her for being part of my life. I haven't even tell her how important of a friend she is.
Why did I assume that she will know these thoughts of mine when I have never told her about it? At this very moment, I prayed with all my might; praying that I will wake up from my comatose state.
And the first thing I will say when I come around will be how much I love my best friend and how regretful I am to neglect her.