My Journey Through Darkness

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Chapter 16

It is never really the end is it? When you strive for righteousness or a better life you will always be facing a new challenge. We aren’t perfect and will continually make mistakes and walk down the wrong paths. As long as we keep fighting, keep getting back up and trying again.

My story is not unique, I know there are plenty of people out there with a better or even a more horrifying story to tell and everyone’s experience of the same thing can be completely different. My salvation was God. For others it may be the 12 step program which rehabs offer. Do whatever it takes. For those of you who are also facing an addiction - if you’re reading this then you are still alive - make the decision today! Seek help. Get out of your environment and be willing to sacrifice some things. It’s life or death. Perhaps not even physical death but living a life being dead inside – which I think is possibly worse.

The vision God gave me while I was at the beginning of my life as an addict was that there would be a greater purpose. I would somehow have the opportunity to share my story and experience with people and give them hope. I hope to touch the hearts of addicts, parents of addicts and even children of addicts. It is not an easy road but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is addicted to something, please, do not throw that person away. Love them, stand by them and support them as much as they need you to. I know all about the lies and the stealing and the shame. This is not who they are, it is the monster inside of them. They may take long to change and they may never change, but you never know if you may have been the one to change their entire life around for the better. It’s worth it. If my friend in London had looked down on me and regarded me a dirty heroin junkie, instead of giving me his promise to make sure I get back home, I would have been dead by now. If my parents had been too ashamed of me or too disappointed in me to take me in and nurture me back to health I would have also been dead by now.

There are Narcotics Anonymous (NA) groups world-wide and I know they have helped many addicts recover successfully. There are also rehabilitation centers which can easily be found on the internet.

Another huge danger I find in the world is the club scene. People either have no idea what is going on inside those well-camouflaged walls or they are the ones inside those walls and believe that there is nothing wrong with it. It is really an evil playground where the devil has his way by numbing millions of minds and eventually having control through drug abuse. It’s all so pretty and candy-coated. I fell madly in love with it and it simply was the beginning of years of being trapped.

I hope that whoever reads this memoir will go away with something valuable. I am nobody special. I am an ordinary woman who used to be an ordinary, curious, restless and sometimes naughty girl. My faith tells me this: God knew this all along, as He made me. He simply waited for me to finally come to Him. I chose to do many destructive things and made many bad choices in my life. In the long run though, I chose God above all else and He has shown His favour upon me because regardless of what I’ve done before, His Word says: “And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” We are ALL called because He loved us first and because of what Jesus Christ did for us at the Cross we are all able to receive His forgiveness and Salvation.

Much love,


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